I know its wrong but it feels so good.

[purplekc95]

I've gotten use to the purging, and i actually feel better everytime i do it. That scares me. I threw up half of my dinner maybe gunna work the rest off with an intense work out.. I dont want any of this to become like a disorder but it just might turn out like a disorder. It's confusing to understand me right now if your reading this so you're basicially wasting your time. Haah. I give up! Fuck me! I want to have control oveer something and this i can control and it feels so good. Damn i sound stupid but if you were in my shoess, ahh mann you'd know what i mean!

[Blair]

You don't sound stupid Kelly and who the hell cares if it's a disorder or not honey. It's just not good for you. Agh I'm so in no position to say this but it's true anyhow: you should stop before you completely lose control of this because you will sooner or later.

[Rushedrippedandburned]

Dude, seriousely. stop. This isn't what you want. If ya need to talk i'm here. er or this blair chick above me lol (: yeaah ..

[Sea Monkey]

Hey Kelly. I'm also experiencing something similar. Maybe we can chat sometime? We can get through this together my lovely.

[purplekc95]

I'd like that hun (: <--- i use that word with all muh friendss just incase you were wondering lol ... I'll message you .

[kiddo90]

Hey Kelly,
You don't sound stupid at all. It makes sense to some degree, especially probably more to people like us who have experienced an eating disorder. The purging and the sometimes losing weight can feel really great. A lot of that is due to the chemicals released that cause an almost high feeling. I used to love the control of being able to control my body, mostly when I had no control over anything else. But the more I thought I was gaining control, the more I was losing it. My body got weaker and working out, my favorite thing to do, was almost impossible! My hair stopped growing and sometimes fell out, and I just didn't feel like anything was worth it anymore. It took creating new messages about myself to change. I had to find that there were other things in my life that I could change and that the only thing the eating disorder was accomplishing was making me frail, lonely, and tired. Calories were all I thought about and after awhile depression set in. I know my story probably seems like it droned on and may not even apply to you, but if I could, I would make sure no one else had to go through that kind of silent hell ever again. It's been four years since I've been over that, and I'm proud to say that I'm feeling better than ever with the support of my friends and those around me. If you need to talk or just need someone to listen, feel free to pm me! Best of luck to you,
-Laura

[purplekc95]

Thankyou Laura (: And i'll be sure to PM you or give you a shout! I do really need someone to talk to that understands and stuff like that

[southern bell]

Sweetheart dont do this, i promise there r better ways to handle things than that.. i used to only eat [edit] calories a day until i lost a lot of weight really fast... it's not healthy, and it'll get better and be ok... ne time u wanna talk just message me