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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Smile and suddenly life changes - February 6th 2011, 09:56 AM

So the other day I went on a trip to Madrid (yes, I live in Spain). I was a bit too nervous because of my HUGE fear of being crictized but you know what? It was AMAZING =)
When I arrived there I was so insecure, I thought everybody were talking on my back (sigh, Iím not the centre of universe, luckily I have to accept that^^) I learnt a lot of stuff about art while watching few monuments and I LOVE how the roofs and fronts looked like, they were from Neoclasicism times, so it was like coming back to Clasic Greece or Rome, just awesome

Later, I had to face my first fear about food: Eat my morning snack with classmates. I am paranoid and I think theyíd laugh at me if they saw me doing so but there was Strong Esther, I showed myself thereís no need to not hold on to the promise I made to my therapist just because of insecurity, you donít know what might happen, true but not always people will talk shit about you, maybe they see how courageus you are. Anyway, no one commented on me eating and it made me relax loads.
After that, we had free time so it meant Iíd be alone -nervous again- I walked on the street in order to find the Botanical Garden I wanted to visit, and once I found it, my time for lunch came. Iíll mention on the street, I was called beauty few times and for the first time in my life, I thought it might be possible, but also two guys called me 'fat', I'm severely underweight and I know that, so all I felt was pity for them to have that way of entertain themselves. I didnít thought Iíd be able to go to restaurant and eat what I ordered, but I wanted to do it right on recovery, so I came into one.
I ordered a Spanish ham sandwich, an orange and light coke. I was so worried, I eat so slowly and I didnít want to bother people around BUT this extremely nice waiter that worked there came to my table and was talking to me so kindly, he made me laugh few times and what I thought would be a torture became a pleasant moment, he made it so much easier! People like him make me believe the world isnít evil, that thereíre people that worths it


Later, I finally went to the Botanical Garden, it brought me memories about one of the best friends Iíve ever had, so it was so nice to remember. I walked around all those big trees, heard birds, smelt the flowersÖ I felt so free, like nothing could ever go wrong again. It was worth it to visit


A while before leaving, I found kind of a news stand where someone was selling a copy of my favourite pictures, painted by Bosch, I was so happy I could buy it, now I can enjoy watching it everyday in my room. I love that picture because itís so colourful, and pretty enigmatic; I love to think about what should have been having Bosch inside his head while doing it, itís a mistery to me!
We did our way back home and there, without fear of judgements, I had my evening snack. I was so happy it all had been so nice that I didnít think about bad side anymore.
But my happiness didnít end thereÖ Eventually, at night, I finally talked to J. He wasnít mad at me or anything and we had a lovely chat, where I told him all he has done for me and how thankful I am towards him because of staying with me when all I could think about was giving up my life. I love him, itís just sometimes I donít rely on my feelings because I fear of expecting so much that Iíd eventually be dissappointed. I know itís worth it to try instead of sitting and worrying of what might happens.
Stay strong you all!


Fear Cuts Deeper Than Knives

"And if you told me 'go to the hell', I'd tell you I know pretty well that place"
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Re: and suddenly life changes - February 6th 2011, 04:26 PM

That's good to hear!!!! (:


Some things are beautiful because they are un-obtainable <3

'A dream is what you desire if anything and everything is possible.'
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Open my eyes
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Name: Esther
Age: 26
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Re: and suddenly life changes - February 7th 2011, 06:04 PM

thanks! feeling good is possible for we all, be strong now! I know you can


Fear Cuts Deeper Than Knives

"And if you told me 'go to the hell', I'd tell you I know pretty well that place"
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