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Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

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magirlsroc Offline
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Name: Jess
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Question "I wouldn't let this go, for the world" - February 7th 2011, 10:39 AM

Is this even worth it anymore?

I was doing so "well" when I first started tracking everything.
I've lost a total of around [Edited], but the only people to notice were my mum, as she buys my clothing, and I dropped a size.

I can't 'control' my eating anymore. I just eat whenever the hell I want.
I know what you're thinking.
But it's terrible, it drags me down so much, so much.

I still get the same mixed, negtive emotions after eating as I always have.
I want to loose weight, I need to loose more weight.
I am overweight, technically, I am. I've already gone over the whole distorted body image, it isn't possible when my BMI is resting quietly in "over-weight".

I've tried to purge, for, a very long time, I've only done it 'successfully' once.

The point is.. I've stopped losing weight, I'M out of control with my eating. I'M getting fater and fater. I'M failing MYSELF.

I eat a little more than 'normal' you could say, but I still get these negitive feelings about it afterward, still obsessed with those little numbers that define how I feel.

And I can't let them go.
I can if I wanted too, I could be normal, I could be happy, and healthy, I could enjoy life, and be happy with myself: which is what I want.
But.
I don't want to be, a part of me enjoyed destorying my body, part of me wants to be skin and bones, part of me wants control. Most of me wants perfection: this is want I need.

I wouldn't let go of this, for the world.

Last edited by Jen; February 7th 2011 at 01:38 PM. Reason: Edited by Jen: please don't post weight numbers anywhere on the site.
   
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distance Offline
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Re: "I wouldn't let this go, for the world" - February 13th 2011, 10:08 PM

It's a common misconception that overweight people are the complete opposite of anorexics. In fact, there's science that's showing that the brain chemistry between the two are in fact similar. Distorted body image can be seen at either side of the spectrum in both ways (smaller or larger than reality... bodybuilders can *sometimes* be examples of people seeing themselves smaller than they actually are.).

Have you seen a therapist or Dr about your problem? Its nothing that should be ignored and not normal. You shouldn't have to hate yourself. Everyone deserves to be able to love themselves.

Hang in there, PM box is always open if you need anything.
   
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Millarw12 Offline
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Re: "I wouldn't let this go, for the world" - February 14th 2011, 12:28 PM

I know what you are going through. I'm not exactly sure on your outlook on ED's right now, but I am just starting as Pro-Ana, so depending on your views I can be here to talk if you need support.

Just make sure you understand all the consequences of your actions, that Eating Disorders are just slow forms of suicide. Once you start it is hard to stop, and the damage you can do is incredibly painful and drawn out. Be aware of the consequences.


"Do not regret anything. Every choice, fuck up, spoken word, experience and emotion has brought you to this very moment. It has shaped exactly who you are. Do not regret who you are. You are unique. No one in the world is like you. In this sense, we are alone. Yet for this very reason, we all have one thing in common. Don't waste who you are, be everything you can be. You can achieve your dreams, you just have to genuinely try."
   
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