Dammit

[ShelbyvanHelsing]

I have not had a period since maybe December or so. It may have to do with having a low BMI or the fact that my body is shutting down due to horrible depression triggered by my one time best friend dating my ex. Honestly, I don't know if what I see is right or not, but in the mirror I see nasty white waves of fat. However, my bmi is below normal.

I haven't made myself sick since January, because I realize my vocal range is fucked. However, I tend not to eat anything.

[hannahgreenwood]

Alright #1. if your BMI is healthy than you are NOT fat...you probably think you are fat bc you re depressed and NOTHIGN that is good looks good when you are depressed...
#2. if you aren't getting your period that's most likely due to the stress but ALSO bc of the fact that you are not eating...so....
#3. why are you not eating? are you mad at yourself? are you mad about your past relationship? do you feel like losing weight is the answer? you really really need to address those issues in order to get better...i think you should see a therapist and get a hold of these issues...
#4. EAT!! THREE MEALS A DAY!! If you don't eat three meals a day your whole body is fucked up...it's bad...don't do that to yourself...so basically...whether you are hungry or not try to eat something at each meal...they say what lasts you the longest is protein and fiber so eat SOME kind of protein (poultries, peanut butter, nuts, seeds, beans) and SOME kind of fiber (fruits, vegetables, some beans as well, even some yogurts..) those will last you!! also...make sure you don't just eat those..it's important to get all the other nutrients and vitamins like zinc, calcium, and rioflavin lol...pm me if anything goes wrong..but also
#5. [Edited] and then keeping a journal for your emotions helps big time so please please please consider doing those things! thank you for writing!!
pm me and keep TH and me posted!!

[Heartlines.]

Hey there,

It seems as though you have Anorexia, though I am not a doctor. I am sorry that you are struggling so much right now. It's not fun having to go through an Eating Disorder. I think that you need to see a doctor for this. Your delayed period is due to not eating, and stress. We often times partake in ED's because of stress and depression. In order to recover from an ED, you need to work through your depression, and whatever it is that is stressing you out. Can you talk to your parents, a teacher, or a guidance counselor at school? Reaching out can be a tough thing to do, but you're seemingly at a very unhealthy state of being right now. You don't want this to take over your life. You should get help as quickly as you possibly can.

Hannah makes a good point about eating three meals a day--but it would be more fitting if you went to see a nutritionist. They can create a healthy diet plan for you based on your BMI, weight, height, and muscle mass. They aren't going to make you eat a whole ton if your BMI is under normal. They are doing to create a plan that will help you get back to a normal BMI, and a normal diet. Also, getting a counselor would be good as well. They can help you work through your depression. It's not good to let these things muster up inside of you, because then people tend to release negative emotions through being destructive to their own bodies. And yes, not eating is a form of self harm. It's just another coping mechanism.

Having an eating disorder can be very unhealthy in so many ways. It can cause problems for your heart. You can get malnutrition. Also, your nails and bones will become brittle. Your hair will begin to fall out, and you will feel cold all the time. As you can see, there are so many health risks that are associated with having an Eating Disorder. It's not worth it, the pain isn't. If you do decide to reach out and go to the doctor, have them do an examination on you. Though, they probably will. It's important that you cooperate with your doctors, and those who are trying to help you. They might not understand what you are going through, but they know what's healthy and safe for you.

I think that you would also do well in creating a support system for yourself. I think that you should talk to your parents and tell them what's going on. The more people in your support group the better, so involved one or two close friends (or more if you'd like), a favored teacher of yours, and maybe the school guidance counselor. That will make it so that most times you will have somebody to talk to when you need them. You don't have to go through this alone. You deserve to have people there for you. Also, it's going to be that much easier to recover when you feel like you have people to turn to.

I hope this helped.
You're a great person who deserves recovery.
Take care,
-Lyndsee

[ShelbyvanHelsing]

@hannah

Thanks for the imput, but the thing is: I've had an eating disorder since I was in 6th grade. My ma caught me purging only a couple months in on account of getting "too tall" (most likely too fat) for size [Edited] pants in the children department. She was pissed of course. I've been in therapy for a year but nothing has changed. My parents know that I never eat breakfast or lunch and throw away dinner when they don't look. They just think it's up to me completely to get better.

Why I can't eat used to have to do solely with my weight and appearance, but I think it also has to do with me being a perfectionist.