Non-PG13 (Strong Language): It's really hard to deal with sometimes

[Thor1993]

Alright, my girlfriend of two years has a variety of issues and I don't know how much longer I can put up with them.

A few months into our relationship, she revealed to me that she cut. I told her how much that upset me, and we argued about it a bit, but eventually she decided to stop (although she does relapse sometimes).

However, her biggest issue is with food. We argue quite often about it, she is quite underweight and desires to be more underweight. I will often tell her that she needs to get help, and offer to help tell somebody about her issues, but her responses are (all real quotes):

"My issues are 90% of me."

"You know you'd hate me if I was at (healthy weight here)."
"Doctor wants me to be at (healthy weight here), but fuuuuck that shit."
"I want the disorder, then. [if it makes her 'pretty', in her own words]"
"I deserve it."
"Fuck getting 'treatment'"
"Pretty is allllll I want."
"I'll go to treatment. That's what I just said.
But I'm not changing what I think. I'll shut the fuck up about it. But I'm not changing shit about the way I think. "

And, her favorite: "I just want to be pretty"

We argue about this constantly anymore; at first I tried to be patient, but now, it usually ends in a shouting match online where I lose my patience and tell her that she is crazy, irrational, and has an array of issues (this eating stuff is only one of several issues she has) which all need to get treatment, and that if she doesn't even attempt to fix them, that I'll leave. She responds with the above quotes, and also tells me that she regrets ever telling me anything and that I'm mean. She has also hinted at suicide quite a bit. One night I called the suicide hotline because I was so worried about her.

It gets better sometimes, but that normally lasts only a few days, after which she is triggered again. It gets really bad when we get close to telling anybody. On Thursday, Her therapist wants to meet me (she has told her therapist close to nothing about this, as she does not want to change it), and we plan on telling her then. Tonight, however, has been very, very, very difficult, as she now feels like her way of life is being attacked.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I love my girlfriend, and we've been dating for two years. It's just really hard to deal with her eating disorder sometimes, and being the only person who knows anything about it makes that even worse.

Does anybody have any advice? She does go on this forum, but I'm not sure if she wants me to put her name down in this thread.

[Angel]

Recovery is impossible if the person affected has absolutely no desire to get better. Those in recovery may have mixed feelings about their situation and often it goes either way, up or down. If someone is not willing at all to accept help, it becomes difficult. Those with loved ones who have eating disorders may do all that they can to encourage positive thinking, healthy behaviour, and to show support, but in the end it's up to the person affected to decide to get better by reaching out for help.

It might be a good thing for her to take the time to work things out. It's not fair of her to threaten you with suicide or suggest that you wouldn't like her if she was heavier. Try talking to her therapist and see how that goes. It can be incredibly difficult to support someone with an eating disorder, but it's up to you to decide if you want to continue to stay around. What do you two argue over? I fail to see how shouting helps either party in this issue.

What I'm trying to say is that your girlfriend seems reluctant to accept any help she gets. She does not seem ready for that step yet. Can you continue to support her, knowing this?

[Thor1993]

Well, sometimes she seems to want help, and other times is even optimistic. But some days she gets triggered and becomes very hostile and adamant that she will never get better. It's almost like she is two different people sometimes.

[Angel]

That's not too unusual for someone in recovery. It would be good for her to discuss this with her therapist, attempting to recover on one's own can be extremely difficult. It might be a great source of support for her.

I wish her the best of luck on her recovery.

[bipolar]

We argue about this constantly anymore; at first I tried to be patient, but now, it usually ends in a shouting match online where I lose my patience and tell her that she is crazy, irrational, and has an array of issues (this eating stuff is only one of several issues she has) which all need to get treatment, and that if she doesn't even attempt to fix them, that I'll leave. She responds with the above quotes, and also tells me that she regrets ever telling me anything and that I'm mean. She has also hinted at suicide quite a bit. One night I called the suicide hotline because I was so worried about her.


you need to be patient of leave her. i dont think this is helping either one of you ^