Triggering (ED): Guilty all the time!

[rosaleah]

I dont eat much but about once a week i will eat a full meal and sometimes a little bit more. It FEELS SOOO GOOD TO EAT. And then i think why am i restricting myself? and i say i will recover. But then after my meal is done or sometimes the next day i step on the scale and see that i gained, and i feel so guilty! so it all starts over again.
i dont know what to do? i LOVE food one day and HATE it the other day because it tastes so good and i want to eat it.

To me food is like a 2 faced jerk. tastes so goood then it goes and stabs you in the back by making me feel guilty and gives you pounds

When i start eating i feel that i cannot stop. And i feel like i am never full. So i feel like im eating and eating and eating. I feel like i should stop because i ate more than my family and friends but then im still hungry.
Because of this i dont like to eat, because i know when i do i cant stop eating. when i eat i cant control it. i cant just eat a little, once i start i need to eat more.

I dont know anymore, if i should eat or not.

[Revolution]

Hey Leah,
I'm so sorry this has been happening to you. You are not alone-many of us have been through this same cycle, and it hurts so much.
If you are worried about your weight, go to your doctor/nutritionist. They can write out a plan for you for eating, that will include 3-6 meals a day, that is much healthier and will actually help you reach your goals without restricting. I would also recommend you see a counselor if the goals you are are not healthy, and you need somebody to talk to.
But you are not alone, and not crazy. You do need to eat, but you can't eat one meal a day. Your body will not like it, and the next time you eat, you will binge. I would go to your doctor for a food plan right for you.
Message me if you ever need anything!