it's just laziness.

[ellabelly]

well it's back full force. it's always been in the back of my head but lately it's taking over me again. i've lost too much in a short time and as good as the temporary feeling is... i know how far my personal life is going to fall. already my sexual desire is gone and that's because i don't feel confident. i have all the tools. i know i can get my desired body in a healthy way but i'm sure it's just me being lazy and taking a short-cut even though i know the consequences.

i've been in recovery for 9 years. i just need to know that people understand how hard the struggle is and i'm not alone.

i REALLY thought i was finally controlling it. i had the thoughts here and there but i just told myself to ignore the thoughts..... do they EVER go away?

LOVE!
ella

[Angel]

You are not alone. There are many of us who can empathize with you. Recovery is not easy, but the end result is worth it all. It is worth all the effort to be able to feel at peace with yourself and not have to age years by constantly worrying about food and calorie intake. It is possible to recover completely. There are reports of people even forgetting they ever had an eating disorder. I consider myself to be well recovered so I can honestly tell you that it breaks my heart to think of all the years I've spent treating myself so horribly.

You know you deserve better than this, Ella.