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[DivingCheska]

This post is mainly because I have thoughts in my head that need to come out...Plus I have a question.

Anyways were I am right now we eat X amount of calories a day and they post it on a board so we actually no how much we are actually eating. Well when I go on a "diet" about the third day of it my mind starts cutting out even more calories without me really thinking about it. So that is what is happening here. I'm surrounded by people and my grandma so it's kinda hard to go unnoticed when you leave more than half of your food every meal. I do not purge but I do have those thoughts A lot half the time I wounder if it would just be easier to purge because then I can eat what I want.

My question is...is there any possible way to get the purging thoughts out of my head without purging?

Also could the fact that I am surrounded by a shit load of people be one of the reasons why this has actually gotten really bad in the last 5 days?

[Revolution]

Hey Frankie, there are many ways to be able to get these thoughts out of your head! One of the ways I use is thinking for the present moment. Don't think about what you're going to eat later, think "Hey, I'm going to finish my pancake breakfast now, and I'm not going to purge it." Don't start planning ahead, it only complicates everything, you'll start stressing every last calorie, and at that moment you just need to get through that moment.
Another way to get around it is use the Self Harm alternatives. They were really meant for those having urges to cut, but I have used them many times when I've been triggered to purge, and it has worked very well for me! http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/
Another thing, I just want to have something clarified. Who is writing the calories on what board? I'm just wondering what's the deal with that, because if there are things going on at home that may be triggering you, that may be causing a lot of these issues. I won't go into that because I don't know exactly what you meant, but if you wouldn't mind explaining that would be great!
You can message me any time you want, I'm always around!

[DivingCheska]

First of all before I start this post I would like to ask one of the mods to put a triggering for ed on this I forgot to do that but some of the things I say but trigger people

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

Another thing, I just want to have something clarified. Who is writing the calories on what board? I'm just wondering what's the deal with that, because if there are things going on at home that may be triggering you, that may be causing a lot of these issues. I won't go into that because I don't know exactly what you meant, but if you wouldn't mind explaining that would be great!
You can message me any time you want, I'm always around!

I don't mind. I am actually not at home and even though I do have an eating disorder I am over weight but that is also from being a binge eater. Anyways I am at a biggest loser resort were you work out 6 hours a day and they make all the meals. So they try and keep you to a pacific amount of calories a day and they right what your having for breakfast, lunch, and dinner plus the calories so people are aware of it. I already talked to the therapist that works here and she knows so she told me to try and not look at the board but that is a lot harder to do then say for two reasons. 1) I wanna know how much I am and 2) when someone tells me to not do something or try not to it's like I automatically have to

I hope that clears somethings up.

And yeah I don't want to purge necessarily but it just seems like it would be so much easier. you know? But my grandma is on a war path about me eating everything and it's not like I sit somewhere else for meals because then that looks obvious. I try to tell my self to eat everything but sometimes my throat just want let me swallow and if I try I can't get it down and puke. It's like my mind put a mental block there so I can't eat anymore

[Revolution]

Do you live in a dorm, or something, so the calorie content is written for the meals daily?
And you said you are overweight. Instead of using these unhealthy mechanisms, do consider seeing a doctor who can write out a meal plan for you, and a personalized exercise plan. A doctor knows how to help you lose weight the healthy way, that will help you stop binging, and not have to starve yourself for results. And I would continue talking to a therapist about the eating disorder. Eating disorders are not something that just goes away, it's something that you may struggle for the rest of your life, but a therapist can help get rid of these feelings and help you start a much happier life.
Hope that helps-You're always welcome to private message me if you need!

[DivingCheska]

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

Do you live in a dorm, or something, so the calorie content is written for the meals daily?

No I do not I am actually at a resort with my grandma right now were you lose weight it's like the biggest looser if you have ever seen that show. Trust me I've tried the healthy way but then when I do it's like my brain says it's a diet and stops me from eating all of the meal...

I actually need to find a new therapist because mine doesn't know shit and never lets me talk she just talks the whole time....and then yells at me when I don't show up to the group but she doesn't realize her group triggers me so it's not like it's gonna help me. And she is the only ED therapist I believe so I am kinda screwed you know?

I know an eating disorder is something I will deal with my whole life just like I will deal with self-harm from the rest of my life even though I don't cut anymore.

[Revolution]

There's a great website where you can find a new therapist in your area, which specializes in eating disordesr!
http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html
Type your zip code, and you can each different types of therapy you want, and different specialties. I hope that helps, and you can find one that better suits you and understands!
Are you sure this resort was a good idea for your disorder? I'm sorry you've had to be triggered this way. I think you should focus on your eating disorder before you focus on any weight loss goals, but I think if you work with a therapist, and a doctor, you can be able to lose weight the healthy way and be happy with the results!

[DivingCheska]

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

Are you sure this resort was a good idea for your disorder?

the ED part was like 80% of the reason why I came here because my brain was like "oh six hours of working out X amount of calories...weight loss great idea"
i'll take a look at the website

[Revolution]

I'm just worried the constant focus on weight will trigger you, since you're suffering from an illness. When will you get home?

[DivingCheska]

Originally Posted by Coffee❤

I'm just worried the constant focus on weight will trigger you, since you're suffering from an illness. When will you get home?

I leave in five days but I have been here a whole week already...I'm talking to the therapist that is here again tomorrow so I don't know

[Revolution]

Alright, when you leave, I want you to see a doctor about these issues, with both the weight loss, and the body image issues you are having. I'm not sure a resort like this is best for your self esteem, and I think there are healthier ways. I would also try to get a different therapist at home so you can talk with him/her as well.

[Revolution]

Hey lovely, this is also a great website to find help.
(edited)
I put you on the treatment finder for the issue you are personally having, but check out the entire website as well. They are wonderful, inspiring, just amazing amazing people.

[DivingCheska]

okay thank you...Yeah I've been on that website a lot