confused

[smiles07x]

so i wasn't sure if i had a minor depression or anything..after reading an article in a magazine it hit me that maybe i did. I have been feeling really low for awhile and nothing really triggered it. I stopped hanging out with my friends and got really stressed out a lot over homework and studying. I would study for 4 hours just for a quiz because i needed to get a 100. I always wanted to be perfect because thats what people expect from me. I am 5'3 and weigh about blank pounds. My depression has died down a little and i don't cut myself as much..maybe only once a week...anyway..just recently for maybe a month i have been feeling that i am fat. everyone always says to me though that i am so skinny..still weighing blank pounds...but i reallylost confidence and feel as if i needed to be thinner. within a 2 days i would lose weight and go from blank to Blank pounds. I would weigh myself at least six times a day and get really upset if my mom was buying to much food at the supermarket..to the point where i begin to cry. I still eat everyday..just less then what i used too. I have a big family too so meals are large and always everyday. i would wake up early and tell my mom i ate breakfast when i didn't and hold out until dinner. other times i do eat breakfast and dinner too. I feel guilty tho after because i know i am eating and gaining weight. I would say "can i take a shower" and run the water and the radio and try to throw up. a lot of times it would never work and i would start crying because it never did. I would google "how to make your self throw up." even seeing the harmful things it can do to you didn't bother me. I constantly look i the mirror to and still see myself as fat when i know i am only blank pounds. but i feel like being thin is expected because i've always been that way. i'm also really sensitive where my dad would be like.."watch your figure" if I'm snacking..i know he jokes but it really got to me and now i don't ever snack anymore. I don't know if this is considered bulimia because of the fact i TRY TO throw up and eat less. sometimes i do throw up but it's rare that it works so then i resort to eating less to make up for not throwing anything up...sometime i cut myself too because i just get so angry unfortunately..it makes me feel better for not being able to be the way i want to be or throwing up. Also, my mom always wants to go out and eat and stuff and takes me..i don't want her to know i am struggling but i just hate eating..i feel gross after i do. I go to bed hungry a lot too and get excited to go to sleep because i know when you sleep u loose weight. I don't know what to consider this. Am i bulimic? anorexic? or just depressed? or none? help.

[Troubled_Heart]

Note: You should delete your weight numbers before a mod does, I know you're new so you don't know the rules, but it's against the rules to post weight numbers and calories.

Obviously I am not a doctor and therefore can not give you a diagnosis, but if this is something bothering you then you should make an appointment. By the sounds of it you could be developing an ED, however it takes about 3 months for it to be developed and called an ED. This means you can stop this from happening, as it really is the worst thing!

If you're worried about your weight then you should lose it healthily, this means eating the right amount and doing exersize. This guide to healthy eating is really useful and tells you everything you need to know about maintaing a good weight and healthy diet.

I also think you should get some professional help about your self harm, it's tough, trust me I know, but help will really benefit you and could make you a happy, healthy person.
Even if you don't go to a doctor, telling a parent or trusted adult will give you extra support and can really help you move from this bad time!

If you need anything at all including some handy resources, a chat or anything, feel free to PM me
Xxx

[smiles07x]

Thank you..

[Heartlines.]

Hey there,

First you need to realize that not one is perfect. You're really hard on yourself when you don't need to be. Studying for four hours for a simple quiz, that's just going to stress you out even more. Constant stressing, and striving to be perfect is going to wear you down so quickly. Why strive to be something you can't be? You can only be yourself. Of course it's good to strive to be a better you, but make sure you're being easy on yourself. It's hard to kind of let go and relax, but I feel that it would be beneficial if you tried.

I'm not sure if you have an eating disorder. You would have to get that checked by a doctor. But it sounds like you could have an Eating Disorder. You weigh yourself excessively, lie about meal times, starve yourself, google ways to make it happen, and get frustrated if there is too much food. Food and weight is an obsession for you it sounds like. You have better luck eating healthy and exercising rather than starving yourself. Reason being, if you starve yourself your body goes into starvation mode. What that means is anything you put into your body food wise will be digested as fat to keep you alive. And if you eat absolutely nothing at all, your body will eat away at your muscle and everything else. So your best bet is to exercise and ea healthy.

I think that you would benefit from talking to someone about this. You shouldn't have to go through all of this alone. It's too much for one person. Is there a way that you could get some counseling? I know talking to people can be really hard, but it will get easier the more you do it. I think you should talk to your parents. Tell them everything that is going on, and ask for help. A counselor can really help you sort through these emotions, and help you to feel better and more at ease. I urge you to please consider it.

Take care.

[smiles07x]

I know what you mean...I have thought about telling my parents..but I don't want them to look at me differently. We come from a big family too, so I'm scared everyone will know. It's not as bad..I eat everyday..I just don't always have that much and watch how much I eat and what not. Plus they have a lot going on with my brother because he is switching schools for being bullied and stuff and I don't want to add anymore stress to them or have to make them pay for counseling. I told myself I would try to do what i can and see how I am in school and stress wise..and that if i gets worse maybe i will tell them. It's just really hard kind of because even though i do still eat..I don't like to have the thoughts of wanting to throw up after..or think to myself..no stop eating now and just wait until tomorrow or dinner. Like i feel like having the thoughts are just as powerful then actually preforming the action because i'm still mentally thinking i am bigger then what I am and psyching myself out. It just really takes a hold of your life...I was thinking today that i was gonna maybe say something if it were to get worse because it really is a terrible feeling..but at the same time I can't help the way i feel..It's just my mindset now..Thankyou! I'm slowing trying. It's just weird too because it's not even that i had these thoughts for awhile so I'm scared to see what will happen in two months when it would be considered a "eating disorder" Someone said it takes 3 months to form..but in a way i don't get that..why is it three months..whats the difference if you're thinking your fat and having thoughts of wanting to throw up, and trying too, and actually have, and not wanting to eat make you not have an eating disorder before the three months? It just crossed my mind..any thoughts?

ALSO...Let's say I did stop...Would my metabolism ever get back to being fast again..like it used to be? Because I also think that at the same time...If i start eating more and get help then wont I actually gain a lot more weight because of the fact my body will break it down slower for eating less to begin with...does that make sense at all? Like then I will have to be constantly excersizing to be able to eat..otherwise I just sit around and what i eat will make me gain a lot of weight..

And I can never find time to excursize...i always try to get friends to go running with me but they can never keep up ( i don't like to walk if i am on a run) and the drama is starting and that's everyday as well as the musical and one-acts after that..I am full with marching band too and AP classes...and eventually I'm gonna have to get a job. I had one once but it became really stressful for me after only about 2 weeks because i would come home and start crying because i had no time for homework. Everything just seems stressful too me.

And Like i try to drop hints to my parents..like yesterday i had a mini bagel at like 10:30am right? and i did some walking around and stuff all happy because i knew it was better then sitting at home.. and later on my stomach started to hurt and at like 5:30 i was like "mom my stomach hurts..maybe it was because all i had was a mini bagel" LAter on at like 6:30 i had some dinner, which is good..i try to stick to eating my main meals, i just don't have a lot...but again the thoughts kick in and i tell my mom I'm going to take a shower and try to purge..then get frustrated because i can't and then know i just ate and gained the weight..i constantly am thinking like that when i eat..

[smiles07x]

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME AND ANSWER THESEE!!