I'm new here....is this a phase?

[jay07]

Hi. I'm new here and need so answers.

im not sure if i have an eating disorder or if maybe this is a phase I'm going through. i began having thoughts that i was fat for about almost 2 months. I haven't been eating that much recently either. usually just like 1 meal a day for about 2 weeks. i skip lunch and tell my mom i eat it along with breakfast. I also count calories and weigh myself at least 8 times a day.

i never felt like this before. i used to love eating and didn't mind gaining weight considering i have always been underweight. i look up ways to avoid eating and have a healthy food and non healthy food list. I'm starting to excursive more now too so that way if i do slip up and eat i won't feel as bad.

now, i hate eating. I just really hate the feeling that i gained weight..i hate it a lot. If i feel i ate to much i take it out on myself and try to purge. i never really can though...except for like3 times. If i only have dinner but ate it all i still feel bad about myself. if i can't purge it usually leads to cutting. i have been cutting for five months and think it began with a minor depression I might of had..

anyway..what do you guys think. I'm not looking for a diagnose just answers maybe?

i thought about telling my parents but i don't want them to look down on me and make me gain weight back...but today my mom asked if i was on a diet and i just denied it hoping this is just a phase I'm going through.

[Angel]

What sort of answers are you looking for?

You are obviously not in a healthy state right now. Since we cannot provide you with a diagnosis, this is something you will need to talk to your doctor about once you are ready to take that step in getting help. It is not normal to restrict to this extent, to obsessively count calories and weigh yourself, or to purge. Do you honestly think that this is a phase? Can you say that you can drop these habits whenever you want to? Things are probably a little more complicated than that and you know it. You can hope for it all you want but some day you will have to face the facts. It's better late than never, I'd say.

[jay07]

i mean yeah..it's just tough to admit.

like no one expects it from me and that is the hard part of it.
i try to stop doing some of the things but like i can't control it at times either..i know i sound stupid by saying i can't control it because i control my actions but when i say i can't control it i literally feels like i can't. i know i sound crazy for saying that but i don't know how to explain it. thank you though at least I'm checked back into reality.

guess its not a phase..

[Angel]

It does sound crazy.
I understand what you mean. I've been there once. Now I have some perspective.

Eating disorders have a huge psychological aspect that should be addressed. Even though we are ultimately in control of our own actions, sometimes it's difficult to do what is "right," you know? Sometimes we need a little help to push us in the right direction.

[jay07]

yeah i see..
as i sit not eating and everyone else is, i constantly am thinking.."i should eat..go on just do it.." but i never can get to that point... usually i just take a bite just to satisfy myself but not feel guilty or anything that i will being consuming calories.

unless it's a dinner with my family which we have every night so i kinda have no choice on that one...dinner is pretty much a def happening.

i did have an apple today though and a bowl of pasta which i thought was good.
thankyou for understanding and seeing it how i do. I'm glad you are recovered. <3