Triggering (ED): A new low, even for me...

[NyanNyan]

Well yesterday morning I got out of bed, looked at some pro Ana sites, than walked into the bathroom. I stopped right at the door and I tried to move but...I fainted. It was probably because I hardly ate anything the day before. Ugh i am soo happy nobody was awake! But to make sure I was not just tired, I weighed myself and I cursed a bit than basically burst out in happiness and I started doing some bmi app that tells you the percentage of people your age who are heavier than you and for me it said [EDITED] are heavier. And I cursed again for another reason. I thought about repenting. I went along my usual routine of eating nothing, but when I got to play practice, I caved in and are whatever I could. Later when I came to my senses, I realized that I only had like [edit] calories from that considering the only thing around was cereal....lol boy was I happy. Well the other factor is that I was just so confused. During play practice I just said screw it I'm gonna die anyways! And ate. But that morning I wanted to eat because I didn't want to die...but that's why I'm doing this......grr

[Revolution]

Hey there,

Food is necessary for our survival, and our health. Eating can surprisingly help you lose weight, if you eat healthy, and exercise. But not eating can cause a lot of health risks, and if you are fainting, there is something wrong. And by the way you described your BMI, you do not need to lose any weight. You need to be able to regain the control that this disorder has taken.

You also have to realize that if you are participating in activities, such as acting, that you are going to burn a lot of calories, and that you need to eat them. Calories are not a measure of how fat you are, calories are a unit of energy, and you need energy to be able to do the things we love, and to be able to get through the day. Eating is healthy, eating is natural, and you need to eat to take proper care of yourself.

I would talk to an adult you trust to get you in touch with a professional, such as a doctor, a psychologist, a nutritionist, but some type of medical professional to help make you a plan to no longer harm yourself. This will also help you be able to get a better idea about why you are behaving the way you are. It is very scary to get help for the first time, I would be first to admit this. But once you do, you will be able to have a life where you are not fake smiling, and where you are happy with your body. I would strongly recommend you see a professional.

Good luck! I'm here if you need, feel free to message me in any form.