Birthday cake & Ice cream

[DivingCheska]

As most know I struggle with restricting, binging, and have had a lot of thought about purging lately. Well yesterday was my birthday and we got me a cake but I didn't eat any. However about 15 minutes ago I did along with some ice cream and then went to go take a shower and I purged for the first time in my life. I know I didn't get it all up and I really want to go back in the bathroom and purge until nothing comes up.

Even though I quit my ed group I'm going to go Tuesday because I don't have a councilor and the one who runs the group is gone until the 28th so I'm hoping she will have the one that subs for her hold it because I really need to talk to someone and I need a new Councillor.

I just don't know what to do!!!

I am starving right now and all I can think of is eating and then purging. I am such a fuck up it's not even funny. I look disgusting in my bathing suits for diving. I look fat in cloths I just want all of it to go away.

PLEASE SOMEONE ANSWER ME I HONESTLY JUST NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO WHO GETS IT...NOT SOMEONE WHO IS TRYING TOO.

[Heartlines.]

Hey there,

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Is it possible that you could talk to someone about getting a new counselor? I mean, truly, they are all over the place. If one counselor/support group doesn't work, move onto the next one. Giving up isn't a good thing. And I'm glad that you know that you need help for this. I know how hard it can be to deal with an Eating Disorder, but it's a grueling cycle.. that's hard to get out of. You deserve recovery. Have you considered inpatient treatment? It can be really scary, but beneficial. Another thing you can do is try and eat things that are light on the stomach, but hold the nutrients. Like a salad, and soup. It's healthy for you, light on the stomach, etc. You might feel bad eating things like that, but your body needs it. Take care of yourself. <3

[DivingCheska]

as i type this i am eating a cheese quesadia and all I can think of is how am I going to purge once I am done. This has never happened before ugh. I told my grandma yesterday that i'm gonna go to the support group on tuesday because i don't have a councilor and i despritly need one

[Heartlines.]

I think it's good that you're going to the support group. And that you're trying to get help. <3

If you're not addicted to purging, then please don't do it. It's a bad habit to get into. And it's so unhealthy. After your done eating, try some distractions to avoid purging. Your body NEEDS this food. It needs nutrition. Don't deprive your body of what it needs. Also, if you get used to purging everything you eat, then your body is going to try and reject everything you eat by making you feel uncomfortably sick. It's best you don't put yourself through that. You have one type of Eating Disorder. You don't need another.

[La Tortuga Manuelita]

I totally understand how you feel! I have felt that way many times, and still struggle with it sometimes. It's easy to criticize ourselves, but you really are not disgusting. You are human. We are all different shapes and sizes. I know it's so hard to resist the urge to purge, but try to calm yourself down and remember the most important thing is that you are HEALTHY. Your body really does need that nutrition. If you eat too much junk food, forgive yourself and tell yourself you will eat healthier the next meal or the next day. I've found something that really helps me is to focus on eating healthy and try to avoid unhealthy foods that the body craves for some reason! When I eat fruits and vegetables and whole grains my body feels healthy and I feel good about what I'm eating and know I'm being nourished and I don't feel the desire to purge it.

Keep going to your group and seeing a counsellor. This is a tough thing to overcome but you CAN do it!

*hugs* I wish you the best of luck in recovering from this and if you need anyone to talk to feel free to pm me!