Help.

[TheOtherMichelle]

I think I'm developing an eating disorder. I'm scared. Stress from school is getting really, really bad. It's not that I feel fat (this is why I think I might not have one). It's that I get so much homework that I don't take time to eat. I get home from practice around 5:30 and I get on the computer and start working. I don't stop until 10:30 at night, and I usually don't leave my room during that time. I eat a little breakfast but I don't eat a lot, same at lunch. I feel guilty about not eating enough for breakfast, but I can not bring myself to eat more. I don't really worry about my weight other than what I feel is "normal." I know I'm of average weight, so I usually just keep an eye on it and watch my portion size, because it's really easy to just eat way too much at my house. I would normally talk to my mom about this, but she's out of town and I'm also worried she might not think I have a problem. I haven't eaten a full meal since Saturday.

I don't know if this is something I need to take seriously. I want to talk to a trusted adult about this, but I'm worried. Should I just wait until my mom gets home?

[TheOtherMichelle]

Here's more info: I haven't really been getting hunger signals recently, either. Whenever I do, I put off eating. This is why I think I have a problem. I say "I'll eat something after I finish this" and then don't. Or I'll eat a few cookies and that'll be it for the night. I just don't know how to make sense of this.

[Justin Bieber]

Have you tried scheduling time to eat? I know things can get busy, but maybe for 30-45 minutes, you can watch a TV show and eat a full meal for dinner. Eating is important!

If you still can't find the time, try eating 5-6 smaller meals....

Example:
1- toast and an apple
2- carrots and celery with peanut butter
3- small salad with chicken
4- granola bar
5- protein and starch (a little pasta with meatballs, steak and potatoes)
6- cookie

Could you potentially try something like that? 10-15 minute snacks, 6 times a day? You can play around with it

Definitely talk to your mom about your concerns, and maybe even seen a nutritionist!!
Good luck

[Nomatophobia]

Try eating smaller portions throughout the day, like a little snack to tide you over a few hours.

You should consider talking to your mom about this, express how you're worried about yourself. Maybe she can give some tips and support.

[TheOtherMichelle]

Thanks for the positivity, and the prompt responses. I just forced myself to eat a granola bar, the most I've eaten all day. I realized over the course of today that I do have a bad relationship with food. I hope I can stop this before it can control me. Thanks for the support and wish me luck.

Today was hell. I feel like there's a monster whispering to me, saying, "you really shouldn't eat that." I don't feel like myself. I cried at lunch today, and had to tell three of my guy friends what was wrong. I had to have them sit there and tell me to eat. This morning, I packed just a little food, thinking, "Well, I'll pack a little bit and eat all of it. That'll be a step forward." I didn't eat all of it. I ate an apple and six crackers. The horrible thing is, at school this is all I can think about. But when I get home, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. I barely made it through practice today. I was literally faking it until I made it.

The only good news is that my mom is home and she sees this as a potential problem and is concerned. But she's always been overweight and nothing helps her lose weight. Tonight she made an offhand comment that the meal she ate at a mexican restaurant was going to be her last one for a while. That hit me like a wrecking ball. I struggle all day with this cloud that's controlling me and keeping me from being who I really am, and she comes home and plans to try and starve herself.

[Justin Bieber]

Have you been talking to her about your thoughts and feelings? Perhaps she could help you get some professional help? I'm not saying you need it or should have it, but I think therapy can be useful for everyone. It seems like this could lead to something, potentially, more dangerous-- you're already not getting enough nutrition (it seems).

What do you think you're options are right now? Where do you want to go from here?

[TheOtherMichelle]

I want to go back to how I was just three or four weeks ago, when this wasn't a problem I had to deal with. When eating disorders weren't a reality for me, they were just something some other people had to deal with. I didn't think something like this could come on so fast.

My mom is pretty much with me on this and is helping, but I have to ask for her help, which makes it hard. I feel like she's just "there for me" when I need someone to be actively helping me. I don't think this is bad enough to need to go to a therapist, but I feel like she would take me if I asked her to. I've been thinking about it, and I'd much rather see a Christian counsellor than a regular therapist. Prayer seems to be helping. Maybe I just need to work this out by discussing it with people here, as I can't openly discuss it at my school with my friends. They just don't understand.

Today was much better than yesterday. I ate a lot more food than I did yesterday. What I ate was much closer to normal amounts than the past few days. I've realized that lunch at school is really the hardest meal of the day. I don't know why, though. I don't feel like my friends are judging me or anything. Maybe it's stress from school pushing me to control some small part of my life. I've read that eating disorders are often stemming from a desire for control, and the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.

[jay07]

yeahh i hear what u mean..it might just be like a type of disordered eating or something though because it takes at least 3 months for an eating disorder to be classified as an eating disorder. Just keep eating healthy and everything and being honest with your mom..trusttt meeeeeeeeeee you don't want to go down the wrong path

best of luck
xo

[Bessy95]

I think you should go see a counselor now. It may not seem really serious right now, but it could certainly head that way. Mine started off sort of like yours did a couple of years ago and because I didnt seek help until recently my ED escalated and now it is pretty much my life at the moment which sucks big time. I wish I had gotten help during the earlier stages. Trust me on this, go get help now and continue to talk to your mum or anyone else you trust. If you need to talk you can pm me if you want