Slipping

[Agoraphobia♥]

Recently I have just relapsed on everything and badly, I was having some slip-ups and issues this month but in this last week it's basically a total relapse. I have had so many difficult times and to be honest, it mostly revolves around school or stuff at school like a clingy boyfriend, eating in front of people, all this gossip and drama I want nothing to do with, etc... I've completely relapsed on SH, not just a slip-up, it's been so many and so bad, it really can't be called a slip-up anymore but what scares me most is I'm relapsing badly back to my ED.

Today I barely ate anything for breakfast and didn't eat lunch, I'm lying to my parents about eating again. My parents gave me enough money for two days worth of lunch (I get reduced prices so $0.40 a meal). I ended up blowing the dollar on two bottles of water and one was my lunch then I opened the other took some sips then put it in my backpack and said my friend bought it and I put all the money in the account.

I'm relapsing badly on like everything every thing especially since school started. I've even considered going back to my old school but my parents are saying not until this semester is over and I prove I have the push I need because it's online and you need to push yourself to do the work, you only see the teachers once a week. But the semester is not near enough and I can't tell my parents I'm relapsing. My mom will cry and blame herself and I just cannot take it. If she saw the cuts on my legs or knew I wasn't eating it would kill her but I can't hold off until next semester or it just might kill me... literally.

What should I do? If I have to stay how can I try to stop this and start to recover again? It's so difficult Arghh! I can't handle this!

[jay07]

talk to ur mom..if she was able to get through it then,she will now..it is hard for her i bet..becuase it is for my mom too...but she will prob want to help youu.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

You need to talk to your mom. I know you don't want to worry her but I am sure she is already worried about you to an extent and I am quite sure she would rather you be completely honest with her than being left in the dark. Yes, your struggles are going to hurt your parents but in the end they will hurt them so much left if they are involved in the process and can help support you. You have to remember that you cannot worry about worrying other people, instead you have to let people support you. Yes, you might worry them but you will get some support and that is very important.

It sounds as if you are aware of what some of your stressors are and that is awesome. The next thing you need to do is work on finding a 'solution' to them. It might be a hard thing to do but in the end you will be able to come up with one and get to a better place.

I hope this helped in some way and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna

[Bessy95]

I'm sorry your having a hard time stay strong and try and be positive and I think you should tell your mum. My mum gets upset too but she once told me she would rather know and be upset about it than not know at all. Also, just letting you know, I starved myself for eight months and lost weight but when I started to eat normal again I put on weight so easily because not eating had slowed down my metabolism so much. Just remember that yeah, you might worry people by telling them, I know I feel so bad when I unload on my mum about my ED but trust me its way better to get help and tell someone. There are people that love you and will care for you and if you ever need someone to chat to or what not you can pm me if you want

[Heartlines.]

If school is one of your bigger triggers, then you need to put yourself on some sort of a schedule and follow it. and include meals in that schedule. Being on a healthy routine will make things in your life seem less chaotic, therefore it will minimize your triggers. Another thing you should do is balance the hectic stuff in your life with things that make you calm as well. This will also help you to not feel triggered. What kinds of things calm you down, or ease your mind? When things get crazy at school, maybe withdraw from the situation (not isolate), take a deep breath and move through it. Because the more you're feeling stressed, the more you're going to want to relapse. And that's not what we want right now.

And I have to agree with everyone else. You should talk to your parents. Be honest with them. When they give you money to eat, either use it to eat, or don't take the money and tell them why you're not taking the money. They should know because you really can't recover on your own. Everyone needs support to get through this. And I feel like you deserve that support. Without it, it can make you feel alone. And doing anything alone can be hard. Include your parents. They love and care about you. I'm sure they will do what they can to help you get through this. You just have to work with them, and try. I know you're trying. And I know it's hard, and feel pointless at times, but you can do it.

Hang in there.