Will I ever truly be over it? :(

[xsecretsx]

I just feel like giving up.
My ED has rocketed up and down for years,
but the last 3 years i've done incredibly. only slipped up maybe 4 or 5 times. yes i've still had diets probably not that healthy ones. but i've stopped purging every day. Stopped having it as an undying obsession. Started realising that my self-image is different, that it's wrong.

BUT...
Even after this long, i still don't feel clear of it. I still have to battle it every day. Still can't bear the way i look. Still put the weight above all else.

These last few weeks have been hitting me really badly. Just feeling so low, about my weight and looks. started purging again.

it just feels like i'll never truly be free. And i don't know if i can keep this going. It's driving me crazy. I just want to be normal.

Will i ever get over it?

[Revolution]

Hey Maia,

An eating disorder is one of the hardest mental illnesses to recover from, but recovery is possible, you just need to have faith in yourself, and have hope for the future.

Are you seeing a professional about what you are doing? I would very highly recommend you talk to a medical professional, such as a doctor, psychologist, or nutrtionist about the behaviors you are engaging in. If you are going through a rough time, seeing a counselor weekly would not be a bad idea to keep your recovery on track. It is worth the time; You are worth the time. There are other routes of treatment you may want to consider as well. Impatient is an idea if things are getting worse and worse, though I doubt it's necessity. Your treatment options will be something you discuss with a professional.

Finding outlets other than your eating disorder are also great tools for your recovery. Consider starting a blog, or something of that sort, to help you express your feelings. Helping you settle out your feelings about your eating disorder could be the best way to help you lay out the reasons it all began.

And remember, hope is there. Many people on this site are proof that things will get better. I would recommend you check out our Eating Disorder Support and Achievements. Recovery is possible, hope is always there. Always know that you are always welcome to message me, and you have this entire site for support. Good luck!

[xsecretsx]

Hey, thanks for your reply.

I do see a councillor, but i've never broached this topic about my weight issues or self-esteem. I'm too scared to. Because part of me feels it's not a big deal anymore. I purge/diet so occasionally that it can't be affecting my health, and i'm definately not underweight.

But i just feel so low 24/7, and it just seems like no matter how hard i try, this is somethign thats always going to be with me

[Heartlines.]

Eating disorders are just as much mental, as they are physical. It's great that you stopped purging, but the thoughts are still there. You can stop purging all you want, but the feelings are still there. And they are really hard to get rid of. That's why I think consulting your counselor about your self esteem issues would be most ideal. Because let's be honest, what's the point of a counselor if you don't talk to them about what's bugging you the most? I know it's really hard to open up to someone about something that you've been going through for such a long time, but at some point, things have to change. And you have to make the change yourself. Why not try typing out your feelings and then handing them to your counselor? I used to do that with my counselor when I felt it was easier to type them talk. It helped a lot. And at first it was hard. But without it, I would have never been honest with her. You have to be willing to try. Take care<3

[Candles01]

I think this has just became your mentality that its too tough job for you to avoid something or may be you are thinking too much on it something like you have to leave certain stuff. Just take it casually and try to avoid thinking that you are leaving something. Be confident about what you are doing and just go for it. Your mentality is making you feel low.