All I did today was eat.

[darkxdreamer13]

Hello, I don't have an ED nor would I say I ever really have, but I have purged a couple of times and tried (and failed) to today. I also have some SH issues, but I felt like this post belonged here, mainly because it's about weight/food? Idk, sorry if this shouldn't be here?
Anyways.

Last night I was hanging out with my friend, who's a male and we're about the same height, who eats a bunch and doesn't really do much, and he only weighs [EDITED] more than me. I've lost about [EDITED] since summer but I'm still trying to lose much more. And it really upset me because I'm very health conscious and I run a lot and I care so much. It's like he does nothing, and still almost beats me.

(sorry, I was starting to rant)

Anyways.
Today we were hanging out, and I literally just ate all day pretty much. Nothing too horrid, but nothing good. And I did the same yesterday. UGH.
I always watch my carbs and run, but on weekends I let myself cheat a little etc., but I feel like this long weekend just went to shit.

I'm very upset with myself and I'm freaking out and I can't really vent to anyone because I worry them too much and I also think I'm too whiny anyways. So I tried purging today, but my friend was still here and I thought he'd think something was up. I just don't know what to do.

Sorry, and thanks for your time.

[raawrgirl]

HI! so i'm not sure if im one to respond to this...I'm no nutrionist or advanced TeenHelp member..lol but i know what you mean about feeling like crap after eating all weekend and you were doing SO well during the week. I have similar issues, nothing series, but im trying to lose some weight and watch what i eat...so i understand! X) thanks 4 venting!! it makes me feel..er..less alone <3

[Revolution]

Hello there,

If you are worried about your weight, I would highly recommend you see a doctor or a nutritionist. They would be able to give you a diet and exercise plan that is healthy and will work for your height and weight. Purging and crash diets from the internet are NOT the way to lose weight in a healthy manner. One can never stick to these crash diets because you are lacking nutritional value, and purging causes a load of damage on your body, from the inside (from your stomach and internal organs) to your teeth. The fact that you haven't been able to purge is your body saying, no, I am not sick, do not put me through this. Thank your body, it knows what is right.

I wouldn't worry about your weight compared to your guy friend's weight. Weights vary so much, do not be comparing yourself to other people, specifically guy friends. Female body types are built in such a way that men will always be able to eat more than us and weigh less, since they have a much lower fat content. Also, I wouldn't compare yourself to your girlfriends either. Every body is different.

It is okay to cheat off your diet a bit. It is completely normal. Don't beat yourself up. I know from experience, that lack of control can be terrifying, but you are completely fine. If you need ways to calm down, after eating, just breathe, and realize that the extra calories are not going to kill you. Go for a walk, and let yourself relax. Walks help your mind calm down, and are also a form of exercise. It is a great way to ground yourself during stress, and be able to burn some of what you ate.

And although you said it wasn't necessary, I'm going to give you the link to our Alternatives to Self Harm page. Eating disorders and self harm go hand in hand, and both influence one another. It is hard to be healthy in one and unhealthy in another, they completely influence the other one. I would also recommend using these alternatives if you want to binge, purge, or starve yourself as a way to calm yourself down.

Good luck! Feel free to message me if you ever need.