Feel Like A Failure...

[Tigerlily.]

I feel like such a failure because this summer I was taking all the steps to get better, telling my parents, seeing a therapist, etc... But just before school started I stopped going for no reason in particular. Then since school started I've completely cut out lunch except a bottle of water, one day I ate a lunch and I felt absolutely terrible. I've started purging again (laxatives), and I've also eaten very little for breakfast and either a small dinner or binge ate at dinner, I'm in basically a total relapse and during a doctor's visit I was weighed, the assistant got the number wrong by quite a bit and put me as quite a bit lighter when I'm actually overweight, for some reason I decided to tell my aunt about it and she told my doctor who weighed me again and corrected the mistake resulting in me in tears and then I got put on anti depressants, I've been on them for not quite a month now but I don't know if they're helping or making it worse, I just don't know. And I know it's bad to not be eating, especially since I've gotten more into exercising, but I feel like I don't deserve to eat because I'm fat and I don't think I deserve help. I feel like I can't tell my parents, and it's eating away at me because half of me wants to stop and pick myself up again, but half of me wants to fall back into the routine I've been in for 7 years not counting the 1-2 months I had during recovery, except without as much binge eating. And I still don't know how to bring it up to my doctor, I don't want my parents in the room but if I ask them to leave part of the way through they'll get suspicious and weird with me and because it might be seen as harmful to myself, my doctor would probably have to tell them anyway. Ugh I'm so lost and I'm not sure if I want to get better any more. It's so comfortable to me counting calories, avoiding eating or completely and totally binge-ing beyond belief. It's been my comfort zone for over 7 years and it was hard to start giving up in the first place, I feel like this relapse is a way of saying I don't deserve food and the right path for me is like it has been the last 7 years but with less binge-ing or eating in general. I know it's bad and not right but... yeah... I don't know what to do anymore.

[Complete Love.]

Hey Idk when you wrote this thread but just wanna say you are a very strong spirited person. Don't lose hope. Something that might help is eating three stable meals a day without purging. Purging will leave your body hungry after wards cause you just got rid of all your energy stock. I know it might be hard but I know you can do it! Don't lose hope. Theres only one person on this earth like you, and your special.

[Tigerlily.]

It's been almost 2 weeks and thank you so much, it means A LOT to me that you replied and thank you so so much. God, I'm tearing up lolz. Thank you so much.

[Complete Love.]

Glad to help. that makes me happy. You just made my whole day and night. Lol
By the way..I really like your quotes they helped me out bunches thanks