I want to starve...

[Shanielle]

I don't know where to put this exactly, so I'm putting it here. I feel addicted to my cutting and sometimes I feel suicidal but I haven't tried to kill myself. The worse thing is is that lately besides cutting I've started to hate my weight. I don't know why, but every time I eat I feel like a disgusting pig and I keep telling myself I'm fat and carving the word in my skin but I don't know if this is just more self harm talk or is this me finding something else to be unhappy about, and I'm worried that I will stop wanting to eat or make myself puke because lately that is all I can think about doing when I eat. I keep track of every calorie that goes in my body, but since I haven't officially done anything worse than that I kind of ignore it, except I keep looking up ways to stay under [EDITED] calories a day, even though that isn't healthy. I haven't eaten really solid food in a couple of days. I keep looking up crash diets and ways to lose weight fast even though I really don't need to. Sometimes I wish I could just not eat, then I wouldn't feel so disgusting. Does anyone know what this means?

[pinke567]

It means that ur starting to develop an eating disorder I would get help right away!!!! Cuz the faster it's detected the less harmful it is to your body and treatment shouldn't be as hard

[Nicole!]

See, society has made us women feel like we have to be perfect to be beautiful. We analyze every part of our bodies, especially our stomachs it seems, and if it does not seem perfect we criticize ourselves.
You said it yourself that you don't need to starve yourself and it seems that you don't believe you are fat, its just after you eat that you feel that way. Sometimes eating sugared foods or just eating until your full can trigger this, and you're not alone in those feelings.
Crash diets and starving yourself is considered self harm because you are purposely hurting your body. Not only is it unhealthy, it will damage your digestive system. If you don't eat much, your metabolism won't digest food as fast because its not used to you eating much. So when you do eat normally, you can actually end up gaining more weight.
I would stop counting calories, this can be a trigger to you feeling fat. Instead of counting, focus on eating healthy and balanced meals. You won't feel so bad about yourself after that.

[FillingWithHope]

You need to get help right away. Starving yourself is a scary and hurtful path. As Melody had said society puts this image in our head that we have to be like the women on t.v or else. I would get help immiediatly and PM me anytime you want if you want to tlak or just need a friend.