Triggering (SH): To stop the Purge

[Marian123]

So I managed to pick up purging after meals again. I'm mostly just worried because my throat has started hurting when I do it and this morning I tasted blood (although I didn't check to see if there was any. It could have just been that my braces cut something in my mouth, or my nose could have bled a little in my sleep again.) I really do want to quit. I'm just afraid to talk to adults about it because I'm worried they'll brush it off like they did with my restricting and compulsive exercising or overreact or something.

I've tried eating with family at mealtimes, but I always end up excusing myself to the bathroom. I want to stop, I just.. I don't know how. I've tried a lot of the SH alternatives too, but they don't distract me well enough. The only thing that keeps me from purging that I've found is to not eat to begin with, and I don't want to resort back to that.. If you have any advice or words of encouragement, I need it so much right now.

[Revolution]

Hey there,

I'm so sorry you've resorted back to this habit, but I'm glad you've realized its a problem. Before I give you some tips, I"m just going to start by making sure you know how dangerous this habit is. It's bad for your entire body, from your throat, esophagus, mouth, everything. I've been purging on and off since I was 14, and because of it, I have been foreced to get more than eight fillings in my teeth because of the acidic damage. It can also causes irreversible damage to many large functioning organs as well. I don't mean to scare you, but I'm letting you know the reality of it. Purging doesn't allow you to "eat whatever you want" as many people say. It slowly eats you.

I'm glad you've tried some of the Alternatives to Self Harm. They work great for purging. Unfortunately, a few of them can actually be triggering for ED people, such as baking cookies and such, because we have the tendency to want to start binging and purging, so in this way, the alternatives list doesn't always work. I actually made a thread about this quite a while ago about Alternatives I have found to trying to beat the want to purge, or urges to restrict. They help you get through the moments after eating, and they're a bit more subject for eating disorders. I'm going to leave you with that link here.

I'm also going to tell you my number one way of getting through. I use something called the "in five minutes" mechanism. When I'm really triggered, I will tell myself I will purge in five more minutes. Then I just focus on getting through the five minutes. Overtime, you can add more time. I start my day thinking "I'm not going to purge today." Give yourself mini goals. Waking up one morning saying "I'm never going to purge again" makes me really nervous, it makes me feel so easy to screw up, and triggers me easier into screwing up. Just get through urges day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Focus on time, and remember to ground yourself. (On the list, there are specific ways to regain your feeling of control. Those work best for me in desperate times!)

Good luck! Hope this helps, feel free to message me at any time!

[Blair]

Hey girl,
I'm really proud of you for being honest with yourself about what's going on and realizing that it's time to make some changes. It may not seem like much but it's really half the battle! I'm extremely familiar with feeling like the only way I can stop one disordered behavior is by using another. When I don't purge I wanna stop eating or cut myself. The thing is, the stuff you're doing isn't the problem it's your solution. It's not actually fixing anything but it can seem like it fixes or at least numbs a lot of pain and fear. Until you work on the feelings that you're running away from, you're gonna use all sorts of things to try to escape from them. I'd encourage you to take a look at what feelings come up when you dont act on your eating disorder and then talk about those feelings to someone. Also if you're willing to look into a 12 step program I'd strongly suggest looking up anorexics bulimics anonymous. That's what I'm doing right now to help me heal from my eating disorder and it really has amazed me the way my ABA sisters understand and support me. If you ever need to talk to someone about what's going on with you feel totally free to PM me anytime.