Triggering (ED): I think I've been caught.

[Ella_Rose]

So I had a previous battle with Bulimia about 8 months ago while my mother was going through chemotherapy. And as my therapist explained(and many others as well) it was a reaction to the stress. I have always hated how I looked. And well, now that I have a relationship I feel that much more concerned with how I look in front of her. About a months ago I weighed myself(which is my biggest trigger) and was absolutley devestated with what it said. So again I started reducing what I ate, which I really shouldn't because I play basketball. And for two weeks now I've been skipping meals and puking up what I do eat. Today though, I was home alone and had ate some soup my mom left on the counter in our slow cooker and while I was in the washroom purging my mom got home. I'm not sure if she noticed or if she played it off. If I would have known she was home I would have turned on the water to hide it. She didn't say anything but she acted weird all this evening, and my greatest fear is that she figured out what I was doing. I mean sure, I want to be healthy but I have a phobia of gaining weight. I need to be there for my baby sister when my mom can't be, and I know I can't stop on my own. I just can't figure out how to apraoch this. I don't have the guts to admit to my mom I need help before things get like they were last time. I haven't a clue what to do or say. I need help :/

[FillingWithHope]

You just have to be honest with her. It is hard becaue you don't want to disappoint her, but if you come right out and say you need and want help she'll be proud of you for figuring that on your own. I would tell her though and soon because as you said you don't want it getting as bad as it was. Stay Strong!

[witchita]

Heyy Ella_Rose,
Every girl hates something about themselves, it creates a barrier of insecurity which isolates your feelings on what you see, to what other people see. Please, dont get to worried about your appearence.
Im certain you are beautiful. Remember that your boyfriend likes you for whats on the inside. I know that sounds cliche but its true.

Today there is so much presure to be perfect, but what is perfect?
Try to accept who you really are, dont go to the most extreme weight loss scearios by forcing yourself to threw up. I totally understand that during your Moms Chemo it began due to stress, it must have been a difficult time.

My sister was badly bullied at school and was rushed into hospital after collapsing in a corridoor. She finally admitted that she was forcing herself to be sick. It was a difficult 16 months before the urge to do it again was totally gone and now she is loving her life living in a chalet in the alpes. She is confident and I am so proud of her for stopping.

Bulimia can make you feel horriable and weak. But you are strong and I believe that you can get through this. Especially with the support of your family and Boyfriend.

Stay safe, God Bless
W XXX

[Heartlines.]

Hey there,

I can totally understand what you're going through. And to be honest, everyone is right. What you did was a reaction to stress. And that's actually really common. Reasons why we do what we do can vary on a large scale.

So your mom caught you. And it sucks. But you can look at it in two different ways. You can look at it as if "Damn, she caught me.." or "Damn, she caught me. It really sucks, but maybe she can get me the help I need without me even needing to tell her." I like the second way to look at it. Utilize her finding out. Reach out to her. Tell her what's going on. She can help you. She can get you the professional help you need to get over your phobia of gaining weight.

I think it's awesome that you want to be there for your sister and want to be an example for her. But this isn't the way. Imagine this; what if she notices you doing this and picks up on it. Kids are smart. And siblings know you better than anyone knows you. What if she starts doing it because her sissy did? When I was still cutting, my brother knew. I never told him. He never saw. He simply just knew, because he pays attention, and he's smart. And even if she didn't find out, you wouldn't be an honest example to her. You're still binging and purging. Get help. You can over come this. <3