Disordered friendship

[Abby(ss)]

I have a friend from treatment who is like a sister to me. She convinced me to get healthy and we really helped each other and got super close. It's been a few weeks since I got out and she's been slipping. Today she asked me if we could help each other lose weight..ya kno "do it together." I really want recovery for both of us and I love her so much..but this seems like a potentially toxic idea she has in her head. I don't want her to drag me down but I don't want to distance myself when she needs my help and is really struggling. Any advice or just understanding would really help me calm down. Thanks y'all.

[Revolution]

Hey there,

I've gone through a friendship like this before, the whole "let's do this" together thing. It's horrible, and it will not work for your psyches and your friendship, and I'm glad you are smart enough to see past it.

You really need to talk to her and try to help her. First of all, be the good influence: Tell her you are working on recovery, and that you will not go back to bad habits. Even just here, she might be already influenced enough to join you. She is obviously struggling, and obviously trusts you. If you continue your recovery, she is more likely to continue hers. But if she keeps pushing these triggering, toxic ideas, end it. Separate yourself from it, maybe after telling an adult you trust so she can get some help. You need to care, but you need to think of yourself first before letting a good, but sick, friend take down your recovery.

Good luck! PM me if you ever need.

[Iris. ♥]

Hey,
It's great that you recognize that the "do it together" method isn't good. Ultimately, it will drag you down. That being said, you don't need to distance yourself from her. Like Traci said, be the good influence. Remind her of all the things the two of you have learned about recovery, and let her see all the progress she's made. Remind her how proud you are of her and how proud she should be of her accomplishments. Hold her up, and don't let yourself fall in the process. However, if she continues to push these ideas on you, it might be time to end this friendship. Let an adult know, then walk away. It's important to be a caring, supportive friend. But, it's even more important that you take care of yourself and continue to recover.
Take care,
Sammi.

[Heartlines.]

Hey there,

I'm really proud of you for being where you're at now. I think you need to be honest with your friend. Tell her exactly what you told us. Don't cave to her. Because you WILL slip. And you spent so much time recovering... it would be for nothing to go back to that. Encourage her to keep being healthy. Keep being each others POSITIVE encouragement. If she doesn't want to do that, then it might be best to distance yourself. When you're going through recovery, you have to set yourself apart from all the potential/harmful things that you might face. Stay strong. Speak your mind. <3