Triggering (ED): Got caught...

[Ella_Rose]

Today at school, the first day in a long time when I actually ate lunch. But being me, I felt so guilty. I had to get it out of my body ASAP. I waited and waited for people to leave the bathroom. The first second everyone was gone. I launched my hand to the back of my throat. Coincidally my section leader in choir, who is also my basketball team's captain Alexis(who I am in love with) heard me puke. She said," Hey, are you okay in there?" I said," Yes." she recognized me. MY WORST NIGHTMARE had come true. " Ella? Is that you?" she opened the stal, saw me with my knees on the ground and hand by my mouth. I was mortified. I started crying. Hysterically. She grabbed my hand, pulled me up. What she said next killed me on the inside. " Did you do that on purpose?" I nodded. She hugged me and said," Why Ella? Your so pretty as it is. Don't do this. You want me to get help?" I declined, quickly got my things and left. I even skipped practice today. I'm terrified she told our coach or the school councilers. I don't know what to do! My mind's racing and the words keep going through my head, " Empty is strong." Over and over. It's making me dizzy!

[Revolution]

Hey Ella,

Right now, you've been handed an oppurtunity. Somebody who cares about you has found out, has offered you support, and even if you previously declined, you have the chance to be able to get help. Tell her what's going on. Tell her how you're feeling. You don't need to be empty to be strong, you need to love yourself and get yourself help. Alexis obviously cares, or she wouldn't have stayed to help you. When people have hurt me throwing up, they would just leave. Nobody ever cared. You should feel so special, people care about you Ella!

Maybe you should ask her to come to the counselor with you? Just as support. You can do this. If she went herself, she obviously just really cares and is really worried. Take this opportunity to love yourself, it doesn't get better, this can only get worse if you don't get help. Good luck, I'm here for you!

[Agoraphobia♥]

Traci is completely right. She very obviously cares about you, and this is your chance to get help and start to make things better. Alexis cares about you and is worried because she knows you can't see the beautiful person you are. She wants to help you because she knows you deserve to see your beauty and not question if it's good enough. You have the chance to get help, and I think you should take it.

[Celestial.]

Hi Ella.

I'm going to echo what the others have said: instead of focussing on how embarrassing this experience was, focus on the opportunity it gives you. You have somebody who cares about you and what you're going through, and you don't have to go through the confusion of deciding how to tell her, since she already knows.

I know that asking for help seems like a scary thing, but it really would be best for you. I'm sure you know that these thoughts aren't good, and that your behaviours aren't healthy. Think of all the internal damage you're doing, and how much better you'll feel if you recover. As Traci suggested, maybe you could ask Ella to go with you to see a counsellor?

Even if she has already told someone, it's only because she cares about you, and doesn't want to see you doing this to yourself. If you're really worried about it, talk to her. She wants to help, and I think you should let her.

I know that right now your thoughts are probably all over the place, and it might seem like you'll never be free from them - but every time you don't act on them, you give them a little less power over you. Keep fighting this - but don't do it alone.

All the best.

[Ella_Rose]

Thanks guys. I talked to Alexis today, she did tell our coach. So I got the pink slip to go see the counciler. My coach and counciler and Alexis had a meeting today. Basically what they said was I have a week to tell my parents, and if I don't they will. Than Alexis pulled me to the side and said," Hey Ella, I'm sorry I had to snitch. But I have noticed for a while you getting weaker on the quart. Last friday at our game I was terrified you'd pass out right in the middle of it. You don't have to worry about your weight. You are beautiful. You might not see it now, but someone does. And if you want I'll come with you to tell your parents. I know it won't be easy, but I'll be there whenever you need help." Her voice keeps itself present in my head. I totally love this girl. I feel so bad that she found out. But I'm glad in a way, because now I know she considers me family and cares a lot about me. I just don't know how to tell my parents...

[Celestial.]

Hi again.

It sounds like you have a lot of people looking out for you, and that's great. I know the idea of telling your parents is probably very daunting, but it's the best way to get you the help you need and deserve. I think having Alexis go with you to tell your parents could be good, as she'll be able to provide moral support and help you through it. If you don't feel like you can tell your parents face to face, you could maybe write them a letter instead? That way you'll get your feelings out, without stumbling over the words and being worried that you'll say the wrong thing.

Good luck.

[Agoraphobia♥]

I know hard it can be to even just think about telling your parents, but you can do it and it'll make things easier as it goes. I just told my mom today in fact that I had relapsed and to what extent it had gone. You don't have to say it face to face if that's too difficult for you. I can't do face to face or I break down, so I wrote it all out in a word document and left it up on my laptop screen then told her to use my computer. Afterwards she gave me a good long hug and told me to never think I was ugly. You can do this Ella, and Alexis seems more than happy to help you out.