Triggering: Never thought I'd find myself in this side of TH...

[Audacious]

Hey guys..

So I never ever thought I'd find myself in this forum...but I've come to admit that I have an eating disorder...Rather, Overeating disorder. I do a lot of bingeing and I eat compulsively when I am feeling badly. Like, I feel like food is the only thing that can comfort me...any food. Mostly greasy nasty food with lots of weight to it (donairs are a big one)

I eat a lot to start out with, but this OED is driving me nuts. I am getting to a point where my doctor is telling me that my weight is getting dangerous and I need to do something to fix it. I know how to eat healthy, it's just a matter of doing it...It's so hard not to compulse.

Does anybody have any ideas on how I can solve this? I'm in therapy and I plan on bringing it up with my therapist when my treatment for PTSD is finished. Today I went out and bought food for my lunches for school (uni) and I think I did okay...I bought food that I can portion out for a few weeks and eat healthy instead of wasting money in the school store.

Any help is appreciated. I'm extremely embarassed.

[Revolution]

Jenn,

I'm glad you've come to the Eating Disorders forum! You should feel no shame by posting in here, there is no shame by having one eating disorder or another, you shouldn't feel out of place. Eating Disorders are not about being skinny, it is an issue with your self esteem, and an issue with food. Eating disorders see all sizes, and take up any issue having to do with food. You should not feel embarrassed at all.

First of all, I think you need to tell your therapist now vs later. You cannot be fully treated for your Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with these issues lying around, this is one of your coping mechanisms, and it is not working. He needs to know the connection between your weight and your anxiety disorder, because without treating both, you are not treating either. Also, because of the kind of healthcare system you have, there may be a type of treatment you can go into, inpatient or outpatient, that can treat both your eating disorder and the PTSD at the same time, with therapies that handle both issues, meeting other clients with the same issues. It'd be a great way to be in a community with people. The two disorders are very linked, if you did not know, and by treating both at the same time, it'd be a great thing.

Also, if you still live with your parents, do they know? I know people who have had their room mates/parents put locks on the fridge, any only let them eat at specific times in specific portions. For Binge Eating Disorder/Overating Disorder (neither that you are diagnosed with, but believe you have) that may be the only option to stop the constant eating. You're doing a great job by buying in portion sizes. I would also never keep the types of things you like to binge on, such as doughnuts, in the house. As incredibly delicious as they are, they carry no health value, and will only cause you trouble. Therapy can help you learn how to control your eating of these foods, but until you seek therapy about specifically your eating disorder, I would recommend to not buy them.

Last, I'm going to leave you with a thread I made a while ago called the Eating Disorder Coping Mechanisms. It's just a few things that some of us came up with as ways to distract yourself when you are getting urges to restrict, binge, or purge, or any mixture of the few. It's meant for all eating disorders, include yours. Feel free to always come here if you need, you are welcome here as anybody else! PM me if you ever need!

[Iris. ♥]

Jenn,

Don't feel embarrassed for posting in this forum at all! We're here to support you, not to make you feel awkward because of your ED. I'm really glad that you decided to reach out to us about it.

I've struggled with binging in the past too. Buying food that you can split into portions over an extended period of time is a great idea! It'll definitely keep you full without being stuffed. It might be a good idea to keep a healthy snack with you at all times -- jicama (a small root vegetable that is water based) is a great one to have around. There are hardly any calories and it fills you up fast. Try to avoid carrying dollar bills around campus with you, as they provide easy access to snack foods from vending machines. Little things like that can make a HUGE difference.

I also think you should tell your counselor now. You stated that food is something you use to help you cope. Using this as a treatment method is getting unhealthy for you and it is something your therapist should know about. He/she will be able to provide you with alternatives to eating that will help you cope. Let's face it, your PTSD can't be fully treated when you're keeping a coping mechanism from your therapist.

Best of luck with everything. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk or if you need support.

[Audacious]

Thanks guys.

I guess I"m just ashamed because of my size and about how much I eat. Being really thin is beautiful to a lot of people...but because of my eating habits, I'm very unhealthy in a big way, not a little way. It's embarassing to admit that I eat as much as I do. I disgust myself when I think about it. I hate going out to dinner with friends because while they will order something healthy I don't and I'll eat the whole thing and they'll pack up half of theirs. It's really hard.

Also...I'm not really sure what I can and cannot post in this forum, since I've never been here before. What is and isn't appropriate as far as how much I can share? I know weight numbers and numbers in general aren't okay, but what ar some other guidelines?

[Revolution]

You should not be ashamed of your weight, in either direction. You should lose weight out of health, but in no way should you feel ashamed. Jenn, you are beautiful no matter what size because your heart is beautiful. This is about being healthy and about being happy.

In the TeenHelp Code of Conduct, it says tbhis about eating disorder sensitive material:

'Food diaries', or any indications of human body weight (including actual weights, BMIs, clothing sizes or 'tickers' that measure weight loss).

Anything else is pretty share-able, if you feel some of it is more sensitive than others, you are also welcome to PM me or somebody else or you can always turn to HelpLINK or Live Help.

[Audacious]

So if I post saying that I ate a certain type of food or that I ate x amount today and this is what I ate...is that counted as a food diary, or is it only considered a diary if I am posting every day or keeping track daily or somehing?

[Revolution]

You probably don't want to post what you ate and what exact amounts daily. If you need advice pertaining to an amount of food you ate, and the amount of food you ate is necessary for the advice, it's probably fine, but when it gets to the point of daily and is not necessary for the advice, that's when it begins to be food diary-like.

[Audacious]

Thanks Traci..
I guess I never realized how much this affects me because I actually haven't been able to eat since 9pm and can't eat until after 9am because I have to fast in order to get blood work done tomorrow...And I am feeling like I want to cancel the appointment and not go because I am stressed and feel like I NEED to eat. It's become more of a compulsion than something I enjoy.