TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Eating Disorders If you or someone close to you is struggling with an eating disorder, reach out here to ask questions or to receive support for recovery.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
kristinhashope Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
kristinhashope's Avatar
 
Name: kristin
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: too far from the city

Posts: 2
Join Date: January 9th 2009

maybe i'm blind. - January 11th 2009, 12:38 AM

Hello, this is my first time posting, so I'm a bit nervous. I just have a lot on my mind, and I'm sort of aggravated. This might be a bit jumbled, so bear with me.

I've dealt with Bulimia since I was a freshman in high school, and now I'm a freshman in college. I hadn't relapsed for a year and a half, until recently. The holidays are always hard, and this year, I was just pushed over the edge. I gave in and relapsed. Over the years when I wasn't purging, I monitored what I was eating, and I guess to an extent, restricted. It's been almost a week and a half since the last time I purged, which is good, because I don't want to fall back into that cycle. I started on a twenty one day fast with my church, I went three days with only water, then switched to vegetables for a week. Fruits and vegetables are all I do eat. I freak out and get overwhelmed by everything else. I broke the fast after only a week, and was embarased to admit so. The two people who knew about me breaking it, were happy because they didn't want me to go on one to begin with. It made me feel guilty that I gave in so easily.

The next day, I visited my old english teacher that I had my junior and senior years. She was teaching while I stopped by. She pulled me into a hug, stepped back, and then said in front of her students, "Kristin, you are entirely too skinny." Talk about putting me on the spot. I didn't know what to do, so I just said thanks, in a harsh tone. I was pretty upset that she said it infront of her students. She knew about my struggles, and sort of helped me through them while I was her student.

Today, I picked up my dinner from cracker barrel, a side order of carrots, before I went to my own job. The lady asked if the carrots was all I was getting, and i said yes, thank you. The handed them over, and told me that I was going to blow away if I wasn't careful.

I headed over to my work to eat my dinner, and my coworker, Joe, who is my age as well, (he is kind of like my big brother) he always likes to make fun of me and is always joking with everyone, asked what I had gotten to eat. I said carrots, and he said, no, I mean for your main meal. I said, carrots. We went through that question one other time, and then he got serious, which is rare for him. He said, "Kristin, there is is difference between eating healthy, and then being sick. Please don't take this the wrong way, but, you're kind of sick. You need to eat more than just vegetables." I told him that I was trying. And I am. The day I broke my fast with my church, I ate whole wheat pancakes, and then I wanted to purge right after. It became too much, so after that overwhelming moment, I said I'd only eat vegetables and fruit, because I can handle those. Everything else scares me too much.

I don't look sick, at least I don't to me. I know we can't post numbers, but if I were to loose a few more pounds, then I would be underweight, according to my BMI. But where I am now, is considerd healthy. I just find it odd, that so many people have said things to me this week, and it's all been back to back. Later on at work, joe again was like, you look really tired, you should eat more. I don't know why it's so upsetting, maybe because to me, I look like i'm okay, and I guess I have no way of seeing it.
  Send a message via AIM to kristinhashope  
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Music Offline
Thoroughly medicated
I've been here a while
********
 
Music's Avatar
 
Name: Richard
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Alberta, Canada

Posts: 1,575
Blog Entries: 12
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: maybe i'm blind. - January 11th 2009, 01:16 AM

Lots of times people don't realize how saying little things, like your teacher did, can have a big effect on some people. It's good that you've gone so long without purging, and that you lasted so long without relapsing. It shows how strong you can be and how devoted you are.
Your friend Joe is right though, you do need to eat more than fruits and vegetables. I'm not saying you need to do it right away, but there are some things that you just can't get from just those. Maybe, until you can work your way up to a more normal diet, you can take some vitamins? That way you can be sure that your body isn't lacking in anything essential, and that you're not doing as much harm to your body.
Have you ever told anyone about your eating problems, someone you can turn to now that you're struggling again and get some more help? If not then maybe you should look into it, a teacher, counselor, or even a doctor are great resources you have at your disposal.
You can do this, you've done it before. We're all here to support you, if you ever need anything post here and we'll try and help you as best we can, but remember, there's only so much we can do from the other side of a computer screen. Eventually you're going to need to find someone you trust that you can confide in and get support from.


Member since 2005
  Send a message via MSN to Music  
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
kristinhashope Offline
Member
Welcome me, I'm new!
*
 
kristinhashope's Avatar
 
Name: kristin
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Location: too far from the city

Posts: 2
Join Date: January 9th 2009

Re: maybe i'm blind. - January 11th 2009, 01:39 AM

My old youth pastors know (they were the ones who said they didn't want me to fast in the first place). Maybe I'm over reacting, or am still sensitive to this stuff, possibly more since mentally I know I've relapsed, and while only my old pastors know about the relapse, maybe I feel guilty about it, and think that everyone can just see it on me. The problem with where I live, is that there are no support groups, or centers or anything for eating disorders. The closest thing is a psychlogist, who is about an hour away, from my town. Ido understand that I need to work my way up to eating a better diet, I just don't know how, or how to even start. I did start taking a miltivitamin, (today in fact.) I'm moving out this semester, and a part of me is concerned, because I don't know how to live. I once heard someone say that getting sober is the easy part, but learning how to live sober is what is hard. The same concept applies here. But for now, all I can think to do, is just take this one day at a time.
  Send a message via AIM to kristinhashope  
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Music Offline
Thoroughly medicated
I've been here a while
********
 
Music's Avatar
 
Name: Richard
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Location: Alberta, Canada

Posts: 1,575
Blog Entries: 12
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Re: maybe i'm blind. - January 11th 2009, 01:53 AM

You're right about the living alone thing. You could try to start yourself to eating a better diet slowly, you don't need to do anything big right away. Small things each day like "I'll have one more bite of this" are good solid ways to work your way up. Once you feel comfortable you could possibly try for a small tlc sandwich (I have no idea what other people call them, lettuce, tomato, and cucumber between two pieces of bread, simple). Then you could slowly try to introduce something like mayonnaise if it's too hard at first.
It's like the tortoise and the hare, slow and steady wins the race.
You should try and find a way to see a professional though, is there a counselor at the college you're going to now that you can see? That's often a very good place to start.


Member since 2005
  Send a message via MSN to Music  
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
blind

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.