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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SM13 Offline
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Exclamation Trying to help my friend. Really need advice PLEASE! - May 7th 2012, 12:23 AM

So I have a friend who smokes cigarettes. His family does also which prob makes it hard. He says that when he is a dad he wants to stop so his kids aren't exposed to that. The thing is he has an adopted daughter and well I'm worried about her being in the house with all that smoke (I have family who have dies way too young cuz of second hand smoke). I'm wondering if there's any way I can motivate/help him stop smoking. I'm really worried and care about him a lot. I don't want him or his daughter to get hurt. He is also currently trying to stop self harm (as am I) so I'm not sure if it would both be too much to try to stop at once. If he needs to choose which would be best to work on first? Please I'm worried about him and need some advice on what to do. And no he won't tell his parents about self harm so I think that's out of the questio. Thanks for caring enough to read this whole post. Please please respond so he can be helped. Thanks again

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Re: Trying to help my friend. Really need advice PLEASE! - May 7th 2012, 01:34 AM

Oops I think I pOsted this in the wrong place.
   
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Re: Trying to help my friend. Really need advice PLEASE! - May 7th 2012, 01:45 AM

For the smoking, Tell him how much it bothers you that he smokes and try to help him one step at a time. Tell him that its not just harming him, but the people he loves and cares about is getting hurt from it too. If all else fails, make him face the facts and try to scare him into trying to stop. Smoking is a bad habit, but if you support him, he may be able to stop, one baby step at a time. Baby steps are better than nothing!

As for the cutting, you can help him with that too, since you're trying to stop also. It always helps when you know a person thats going through the same things as you. Work together to stop SHing! Teamwork is a great method.

If he needs to choose on which to quit first, Let him choose for himself. Smoking can severely harm his daughter, but cutting can tear a family apart. Make this clear to him. Maybe he can make a list on how SHing can be bad, and how smoking can be bad and compare them and see which one seems more significant to stop first. Like i said, its all up to him.

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Re: Trying to help my friend. Really need advice PLEASE! - May 7th 2012, 03:48 AM

Hey there,

Don't worry about posting this in the wrong place. We're here to help you, no matter where the thread gets put.

Here's the thing: you can't make someone quit doing something. They have to make the choice to do it. If they're resistant to it at all, it's less likely that they will put in the effort needed to quit. That being said, your friend did say he wants to quit smoking when he's a dad. One thing you might want to consider asking him is why he's putting it off. If he's determined to quit sooner or later, why not shoot for sooner?

The best way that you can help him on his journey to quit smoking is to be an encouragement to him. Support him every step of the way and celebrate the progress that he makes. Chances are, he won't be able to quit cold turkey. Very few people are able to do that, no matter what the addiction. So, if he slips up, make it a point to remind him how far he made it before he slipped up and encourage him to try to make it farther the next time. It's going to be a difficult process for him and he may get discouraged during it. As a friend, you can remind him that it is worth it and remind him of the great job that he is doing.

If you both want to stop self harming, why not make it a joint effort? The two of you will be able to help each other along the way, celebrate each others successes, and encourage one another to keep trying if you slip up. Again, quitting self harm is a difficult process. To aid you in this, I'd like to provide you with TeenHelp's list of alternatives. The two of you can take a look at this list together and figure out what alternatives will work best for each of you. Keep in mind that the thing that works for one person might not work for the other. What's important is that you each keep looking until you find the method that will work best for you individually.

As for which to work on first, that's really up to him. As I said before, breaking yourself of any addiction is a difficult journey and he needs to have a true desire to change. So, ask him which is most important to him and remind him that you will be there to support him in whichever issue he chooses to tackle first. But, remember that you don't have to wait for him to choose to stop self harm for you to begin working on overcoming this struggle.

Good luck! I hope the two of you are able to overcome your addictions.






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Re: Trying to help my friend. Really need advice PLEASE! - May 7th 2012, 02:36 PM

Posted my reply on your other thread about this

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So darkness I became.


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Re: Trying to help my friend. Really need advice PLEASE! - May 7th 2012, 04:55 PM

Thanks. I put it I'm the other place cuz I realized this isn't the right section for it.
   
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Re: Trying to help my friend. Really need advice PLEASE! - May 9th 2012, 02:23 PM

Hey there, I don't think it's to much to ask to try with both, but I asume cigrettes will be harder to stop the addiction of, see as they are both mentally and physically addicting, but they both are ways to "rid" yourself of your troubles, so they'll be hard to get off of. You definitely should support his progress in stopping doing both, and if he sees you make progress with not cutting, then perghaps he'll be inspired. keep track of you two, and share how long it's been since you've last cut, encourage him, and keep strong yourself.
Also, advise him to try the various stop smoking methods, pherhaps they'll help. like nictoine gum, nictotine patches, or those fake smokes. I really hope that you two can get over your addictions! ♥


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