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Unhappy Self harm addiction - September 11th 2013, 08:10 AM

So I used to self harm for the longest time and I honestly tried to talk to my parents about it since they, in my mind, where a big reason as to why i do that... but they told me that i did it because of the two recent things that happened. this was all around december 2011 january 2012. my dog that i grew up with had just passed away in my arms and then about a month lately my first boyfriend had broken up with me. they told me that both of those things were the cause of my acting out, and it wasnt. i told them that they were the reason and the way they treat me. and they wouldnt listen. wellll april i met my boyfriend now. we are an LDR(long distance) couple and he is about 500 miles away and he didnt know i cut... well we began dating in june and i figured it was time to tell him the two things i never wanted anyone to know... i was raped at the age of 17 during the summer of 2011... which is a small but important reason why i cut... and then i told him that sorta lead to cutting more and worse than before... at first it was once in a while and not at all bad. then the rape happened and it got worse. after i told him that, he began crying... it broke my heart to see him cry then he went on to say that he wanted me to stop because he never wanted to lose me. so i began crying because i had already broken his heart and then promised to not do it anymore.... that was a year and four months ago(about). four months ago, he broke up with me... we still talk and i have relapsed three times now... but he doesnt know it.... i have stopped for now but i have the biggest urge to just cut and cut till i bleed out... things have been soooo hard on me lately more than ever plus he broke up with me.... it just sucks.... i want to cut but i dont want to relapse again.... and i have no one to talk to about any of this... and i just feel so lonely towards all of it...
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Re: Self harm addiction - September 11th 2013, 08:30 AM

Hey Hun, just wanted to let you know that even though things suck right now, it gets better. Right now, I'm in a terrible situation too, and I just have to remind my self that everything bad has an end to it. I know how you feel about the urges. It's the worst. I've been having them a lot lately..and it sucks. What I do when I the urges come back, I listen to music. I turn up the volume so I can't hear anything else, and I just lay or sit there till I feel a little bit better. If you need anyone come talk to me. I would love to get to know you better best of luck
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Re: Self harm addiction - September 11th 2013, 04:55 PM

Hey there You always have us; I'm glad you're reaching out to us.

First of all, not cutting for as long as you did was a great accomplishment. you should be proud of yourself for that. I can related with being raped as I was, too, and I recommend you tell someone else about it. It'll feel a lot better if you do. Urges are really hard to deal with sometimes. You might want to take a look at the Alternatives Sticky on the top of the Self-harm forum. If you need anything, feel free to message me.

If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?
Years of tearing down our banners, you and I
Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts
Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first

The axe forgets, but the tree remembers
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