Financial

[Proud90sKid]

I am worried that I am going to face a bad financial problem from cocaine. I dont use it daily, but I have been using it frequently. It started with a few bumps here and a few bumps there from friends but then it turned into me buying it several times a week. I tell myself "nope, never doing that again" and then find myself wanting it again. I am considering not going to bars as much because I know what sort of financial decisions I make while drunk and also having cravings. I tend to convince myself it is a good idea to buy cocaine, when that is a terrible idea. I also know that I can easily get it in those locations almost as quickly as I can order a beer.

I had this experience with nitrous oxide in 2024. I wanted to see what the hype with "gas" was and the next time I went to the smoke shop decided to buy a small amount- 20 dollars worth. I loved it but it wasnt nearly enough. I went to 40 dollar canisters, then very large (the size and sale of which resulted in my state banning the consumer sale of nitrous oxide starting on Oct 1. 2026) canisters costing over 150 dollars and going through them like crazy (I would take a few days off to try to restore my B12 levels (nitrous causes severe functional B12 deficiency) but then cravings and use again even though a few days is not enough to reverse the B12 problem). I went through thousands rapidly. Only stopped because I went completely broke.

I am worried that this is about to spiral into the same direction. I actually attempted to make this post twice before, and each time- just thinking about it gave me cravings and so I didnt make the post but then I ended up buying some both times. I am coming down from a binge, haven't really eaten much at all in days, look way too skinny, and feel like total shit. My cravings are currently low right now because I can't physically do another binge at the moment- my dopamine is completely depleted and even walking to the next room feels hard. I have had a stimulant addiction before (though with adderall) so it didnt take long for me to adjust to the "familiar bender routine" with cocaine and start binging.

For me, the cravings typically begin as a fleeting thought of doing cocaine again, which I quickly dismiss. Then, the same thought comes again and again and I try to logically dismiss it. Then I subconsciously give in by going places where I know cocaine is likely available but mentally I tell myself I going there for a different purpose. Then after several beers, I find myself disinhibited enough to consciously make the effort of buying it.

[~Misguided Ghosts~]

I think you already took the first step by posting here, and because it does seem like you want to change because you mentioned that you were thinking about not going to bars as much. I'd say you're at least in the contemplation stage of things. If you DO want to go to a bar (although I do recommend avoiding it), is there a trustworthy friend you can bring with you that would help you moderate your drinking and also try and keep an eye on you to make sure you don't purchase cocaine? I'd also set yourself a financial limit when you go out. I know it's hard with credit/debit cards being virtual, but maybe pay cash so you only have a set amount of money on you and can't buy anything more than that (cocaine, alcohol, food, etc). You can tell yourself that a typical drink costs -x-, food (if you get any bar food) usually costs -y- and that will be all the cash you bring with you.

I wonder if it would benefit you to go into some sort of substance use program at this point because it's gone beyond casual use. You're having bad cravings, your money is affected, you're not eating and are looking skinny, and don't feel well, so now it is really starting to affect your life. You don't necessarily need to go inpatient either. There may be outpatient treatment programs in your area you can look into.

Is there anything you can do instead when you get the craving to use cocaine? It doesn't have to be anything extreme, just something to keep your hands or mind busy so you aren't focused on the cravings.