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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
J&M's Mommy Offline
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I don't know what to do/say ... - April 16th 2009, 03:58 AM

My boyfriend has a crazy past; atleast compared to mine. He lost his mother at 16 and after that was practically homeless. He stayed at one place and then went off to another. His past involves crimes that I would never even mention here because I know he will be judged. But, I also know that he has grown up SO MUCH and wants so much more from his life now. Atleast, I thought for sure that is what he wanted ...

This past weekend his family came to our house for a BBQ. His cousins I have never met brought weed with them and ended up smoking it in my house. I HATE DRUGS! I just do not want them around me, or in my life at all. All that comes from drugs is trouble.

But, my boyfriend's past includes doing drugs. He admitted to doing weed, exstacy(sp), and PCP. I can't judge him for his past because I know who he is today. But in November when we went to his sister's house for Thanksgiving he did PCP with his cousin. Then his cousin started hallucinating ... it was the scariest thing I have ever seen! I swear to you that I would never willingly be around that stuff in my life. I was so worried for her! My boyfriend didn't act too differently on the drug, and I was ready to leave him then and there for that. But, obviously, I did not.

But this last weekend my boyfriend admitted to doing cocaine in the past, which he kept from me in the beginning. He hasn't done is since 2007, but wants to do it again. Well, actually, he TOLD me he was going to do it again. He wasn't asking for my permission.

Now this bothers me. I mean, we are going to be parents come November and I do not want to worry about whether or not my boyfriend is going to get addicted to a drug in the meantime. I am not his mother and I can't stop him from doing it ... but I really do not want him to. I told him this.

I mostly worry about if he does the drug if he will be ok. I don't want to have him die or anything; and I don't know if that is possible from snorting cocaine or not ... I just worry about him and then I worry because if something happens to him I will be a single mother and all alone ...

How can I effectively encourage him not to do this drug without seeming real pushy/bossy?

Single Mommy since July 2011
Joseph, 4 and Madelyn, 3

my back-to-back babies are 1 year, 1 week and 1 day apart.
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Re: I don't know what to do/say ... - April 16th 2009, 04:42 AM

Tell him he is going to be a dad soon and that you don't want him doing it. I mean I know i'd lsiten if I had a kid on the way. Why risk getting addicted then fucking up his own life and his kids life.
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Re: I don't know what to do/say ... - April 16th 2009, 09:49 AM

hi kala,
From the sound of things your boyfriend has used drugs in the past to cope with difficult situations in his life and as an expectant father this may be causing him to have doubts about his abilities to be good father.
You may just need to confront him about your fears over his drug using.
If you dont want to talk face to face you could write a letter to him explaining your fears that way he has time to digest it and he cant walk away from it it will alow him to process it in his own time.
i hope this helps.

~pm me anytime, night or day, i want to know what you have to say~

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Re: I don't know what to do/say ... - April 16th 2009, 01:56 PM

Hey Kala,

It sounds like your boyfriend is a really trying to be a good guy, like you said he's had a pretty tough past but he's trying to overcome that. You've been really good to him by forgiving him for slipping up in the past and you've helped him become someone that you respect.

Maybe you could try asking your boyfriend why he wants to do cocaine? There's probably an underlying reason as to why he wants to to this. Explain to him how hard it is for you to watch him potentially throw everything he's worked for. Tell him that you're worried about your child if he's going to be messing around with dangerous substances.

Have faith in him, if he has left behind his past once he can do it again, and I'm sure he will if he knows it will be what's best for you and your child. Good Luck, I hope everything works out.

You are the one, the one who lies next to me,
Whispers "hello, I missed you quite terribly"

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Re: I don't know what to do/say ... - April 16th 2009, 02:29 PM

Smoking weed every once in a while isn't a big deal to me. He just shouldn't be doing it around your child or you if you don't like it. Tripping on PCP worries me a little to be honest. If it were acid or mushrooms I wouldn't look at it as huge a deal, but that's a crazy drug. A rap artist in particular gouged out his own eye while on it because he thought he was jesus, although I don't know the amount he took. If your boyfriend is doing these drugs on occasion and doesn't seem to have a problem with them, i'd say the best you can do is let him know drugs aren't the answer and be there for him. He has his own life too, and you shouldn't lecture him and tell him what he can and cannot do because ultimately it's his decision.
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Re: I don't know what to do/say ... - April 18th 2009, 01:07 PM

Well, there's some things you need to talk to him about. Drugs are a difficult thing because evidently, they feel good. And when things feel good, people want them. But he needs to realize that you make him feel good, AND you aren't going to ruin his life. I wouldn't stick around if he is out messing around with drugs still. You need to talk to him about if that was a thing of his past or what? Because it should be, he needs to grow up and start thinking about his future with you and his child, not about putting things in his nose to make his brain dumber. I am not anti-drug, but I do have my opinions. Seriously, hun, have a serious talk with him because sometimes people can trick theirselves into doing very idiotic things, like loosing something extremely important in their life. And it sounds like he doesn't need to loose anything else important in his life.
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Re: I don't know what to do/say ... - April 18th 2009, 07:10 PM


It is possible to die from doing cocaine or PCP. By doing illegal activity in your home he is not only putting himself at risk but also those around him. You have to try and understand that his drug abuse isn't only going to effect him. Tell him how you feel about the situation. Honestly, you claim that he has changed and this is all in his past but his actions speak otherwise. Do not bring a child into that type of environment. When someone quits drugs they have to want it for themselves. If you quit drugs for your child or even the love of your life if it's something you really want then you're going to inevitably start using again. I would encourage him to quit but remember you can't force him to do anything. If he decided the drugs are more important than you and your child then he isn't worth your time. There are only so many times you can forgive him. Don't stick around if he keeps using. It isn't healthy for anyone involved. Be strong enough to do what is best for you want your child. When you do talk to him about it I would gather what you are going to say before hand. Try to be brief and to the point so that it doesn't feel like a lecture. I wish you the best of luck with everything. Just so you know how serious the situation is I gathered a little information for you on PCP and cocaine:

PCP abusers are often brought to emergency rooms because of overdose or because of the drug’s severe untoward psychological effects. While intoxicated, PCP abusers may become violent or suicidal and are therefore dangerous to themselves and others. High doses of PCP can also cause seizures, coma, and death (though death more often results from accidental injury or suicide during PCP intoxication).
Common health effects of cocaine include heart attacks, respiratory failure, strokes, and seizures. Large amounts can cause bizarre and violent behavior. In rare cases, sudden death can occur on the first use of cocaine or unexpectedly thereafter.
I just wanted you to know what you are getting yourself into if you stick around and he keeps using. If you ever need someone to talk to I am here for you. HERE is a link were you can find some tips and resources regarding talking to someone about their drug use. It might be helpful to get other people to confront him with you so it doesn't seem like you are just nagging him. Take care and best wishes.

Lots of love <3 Mimi


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