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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Lost in Thought Offline
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Name: Justin
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I don't think I can move on, please actually read. - April 21st 2009, 06:11 AM

I don't know where to really start here, but I have had a problem with drug addiction for a few years now. I've always, even as a child, remember being lured somehow to drugs and starting smoking pot at a young age. I was in the 'gifted' program in junior high, and i was always in the math class ahead of everyone, but I still could manage to lead the double life.

Then when I got a job at 15 I had already grazed into low dose painkillers but with the job and new friends i met there I soon began buying more and eventually ended up using oxycontin for awhile and not long after I turned 16 I switched to heroin because not only was I drawn to it, but it was cheaper.
sorry for length
I already loved the oxycontin but I could use heroin multiple times a day, every day. Cutting it short some, I stole and did whatever I could and most of my senior year in high school I was working a full time job on graveyard shift. Of course a lot of this is addiction talking, but I actually didn't have much of a problem with this. I didn't sleep much, but I could afford my habit, keep up my gpa, and still enjoy my math class.
Now couple years later, I have recently come back from 7 months of training in the army that I went to as a desperate attempt to stop living in a cheap apartment and try to quit. I have been clean for 7 months now, minus a few painkillers that i slipped with.

My main question is, does anyone know if I will ever be close to normal again. I'm going to force myself to keep going and go to college since its paid for and im in the reserves. I just want to know if I will ever be able to stop these long nights of being depressed, drunk, and thinking of my old habits. I don't even drink much because its not that satisfying and as oddly as it seems, I didn't mind being a junkie, but I would like to avoid being an alcoholic.

Opiates (family of narcotics that heroin comes from, derived from opium) didn't slow me down, nobody could ever tell, I could do anything I would normally do as long as I don't overheat. I just don't get the point in this, if I'm going to be living like this for years and years I am going to just quit now and not force myself to live a miserable life. I'd rather die before I hit 25 then live constantly knowing that the greatest thing I will ever experience I have already lived and will never see again.

I want to put this out also, for anyone not familiar with this type of drug, remain that way. Its not the threat of it killing you in use, whats worse is staying alive and either living on rock bottom with it or living a life that will never bring out enough happiness to cover up your past. It will burn your soul if you try and leave it.

Thank you if you actually read this entire thing.

Last edited by soul; April 25th 2009 at 04:54 AM. Reason: Added triggering due to the content of the post
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s_tor_m Offline
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Re: I don't think I can move on, please actually read. - April 21st 2009, 07:23 AM

Hey Justin
I don't know much about any kind of drugs, so I can't help you with that.
However I just wanted to congratulate you on wanting to change and live a healthier life. And good job on being clean for 7 months, going to college and reserves and all that. That's really awesome.
Hopefully someone can give you some info on being "normal again"
take care :]

"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional."

There is a world of difference
between refusal and failure.

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feebee Offline
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Re: I don't think I can move on, please actually read. - April 21st 2009, 12:33 PM

Hey Justin
That is really bad are you still on the drugs? Yes it will become normal have you thought about getting proffesional help? I was at one time on drugs and you need to move from where you are exposed to them i have found because other wise you want more.. I found that once i was out I had to do some serious stuff to get back to normal and do withdrawl it was hard and terrible but once you do it you relise that you dont need them any more that life is better without them. Those things you are on have alot of health issues assoiated with using them. I was just on weed and speed.. They were bad enough but if you add in the drinking it is a bad combination. what makes you want them so much? what makes you feel you need to get away from the world that much?
Take care Mate We will chat soon ok
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Marionette. Offline
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Re: I don't think I can move on, please actually read. - April 21st 2009, 12:55 PM

Hey Justin.
Firstly, let me congratulate you on being clean for 7 months. That's a great achievement.
In my eyes, no matter what anyone has been through, they can always bee normal.
Of course, some remnants will always stay with you, but that's part of overcoming it all, and being able to look back and think, hey you know what, I'm strong and I kicked the habit.

Like feebee said, you need to change alot about your lifestyle.
Turn over a new leaf as they say...
Essentially, a new you. A clean you.
Get some hobbies, things you enjoy to consume most of your time and nights.
I don't think rehab is really needed now seeing as you've gone through the worst, but what about a meetings program and getting a sponsor, so that everytime you think about going back to your old ways, you can call them up and make sure you don't.

People probably couldn't tell then, but don't you think in 3,5 years, if you were still using, it wouldn't all catch up to you?
Take each day, step by step. You won't feel any better overnight.
But work for it. Trust me, it's totally worth it.
This stage is normal, you just have to push past it.

Don't hesitate to contact me if you need any further support or anything.
I'd be happy to help.
Good luck with everything

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