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BoneAndDream Offline
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Turned to a bottle for the first time - August 5th 2013, 09:21 PM

I thought i had escaped. I thought I had made myself into someone I wanted to be. I was wrong. A few weeks back my first girlfriend and I broke up. I've never felt so alone. My father traded me for a bottle. My mother robbed me of my inheritance. My brother traded me for an alcoholic girl and a mistake of a child. i have a body disorder from going on bodybuilding.com so often, even though i go to the gym and diet i still look like a fat motherfucker. every time i look in the mirror my heart sinks.

The other day was a really bad day. I had told myself i would never drink, but i couldn't handle things anymore. I had 13-15 shots by myself, maybe more, first time I ever drank in my life. barely made it up the stairs to my room and passed out in my own puke. fell on my face out of bed the next morning. Everyone's been telling me I'm lucky I'm not dead seeing how i'm such a small guy at only 5'8" and 155 pounds.

I'm fucking 16 years old and my life has come to this. I'm at the end of my rope. I'm feeling hopeless. I don't know how to get out of this. In the wake of my years of crippling social anxiety i'm left with no social skills, I can't make connections with people. The only person I have a connection with is my cousin who is even worse than I am.

I'm so deeply disappointed in myself. I'm a coward.

I'm alone.
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Re: Turned to a bottle for the first time - August 5th 2013, 10:59 PM

You can get through this, im not far off from where you are, i've been drinking vodka all day today and yesterday and im only 14, i don't cope well with stress but alcohol isn't the answer it's not uncommon to feel disappointing, unneeded or depressed after a break up you'll be fine soon i promise.
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Re: Turned to a bottle for the first time - August 6th 2013, 12:06 AM

If that was the first time you've ever drank in your life, then luckily it will be a lot easier for you to stay sober than for someone who is an alcoholic. My thinking is since your first experience was pretty terrible (considering you puked) then hopefully that will serve as motivation to stay away from alcohol.
Alcohol is also considered a downer substance, meaning it actually makes you feel worse when you consume it. It's definitely not an answer to your problems and will in fact create even more if you continue to drink. Instead, try and find some alternatives to cope, such as going to the gym (but be healthy about that), hanging with friends, or listening to uplifting music. There are lots of options, so just try and find some activities to distract yourself whenever you're feeling down until you find some that work.
I had social anxiety myself, and I promise you it will get better but you have to step out of your comfort zone first. For me, I got a job which required me to work outside in public and it made me pretty uncomfortable at first but now I can go out in public by myself without much anxiety. So if anything, you're not a lost cause.

And here you are living, despite it all.
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