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Tigereyes Offline
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Close friend smokes weed - August 27th 2013, 12:58 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I never thought I would be posting here, and this thread doesn't directly pertain to me since I've never done any drugs or anything, although it does involve me. Several months ago, a close friend told me that she smokes marijuana. At first she told me that she tried it once and got grounded when her parents found out, but then she explained that she started doing it often. I don't really agree with it, but I don't have a huge problem with people being curious and trying it once (I know several friends who did it once and only once,just to try it).

Well finding out that my friend was doing it so often bothered me a lot, (it bothered me even more when she kept trying to convince me to smoke with her) especially since I could tell that some part of her didn't like what she was doing. Heck, I remember that after the first time she smoked, she was really ashamed for months, which is why she didn't tell me before. But when she finally told me, she was proud of it, and I knew she was trying to fit in with her other friends. I also knew that she has struggled with depression and social anxiety for years, and a week or so later, she admitted that she was smoking because it made life more bearable. The way she described it is that she doesn't like it but wants to, and she is jealous of everyone else who actually enjoys the high.

I attempted to explain why I didn't like what she was doing (main reason being that she was using it as a coping mechanism, and since I used to self-harm, I was worried that she would eventually be struggling in the same way and end up like me or worse). I also refused to try smoking, and told her that I didn't want to make the same mistake twice (self-harm being the first). She got a bit mad but stopped bugging me about trying it.

We argued about it a little off and on for a couple weeks. Eventually what was said went too far- we both said things we shouldn't have and she had already hurt me a lot so i decided we needed to stop being friends for a while before things got any worse.

Over three months later, I finally talked to her again, and we worked things out again. Sort of. We both apologized for what happened but I can't completely forgive my friend just yet- it'll take some time because things really were that bad. But now that we're friends again, things still aren't normal. I know she still smokes a lot,but it really bothers me whenever she talks about that. I'm just really worried. I know I can't make her stop smoking but... I wish she would at least listen to what I have to say. Before she started, we were really close, and I'm only worrying because I care about her. I don't know exactly what I'm asking; I just need some advice or something. Any help is appreciated.


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Re: Close friend smokes weed - August 27th 2013, 05:18 AM

Ok, I'm going to give you my advice, please note that it's coming from a semi-stoner and if you want i understand if you just ignore my post.

Ok, so your friend smokes weed, honestly I really feel it's not a big deal at all. HOWEVER, you said that she was only doing it to fit in, and that she doesn't enjoy it. This is what scared me. It's one thing if your friend was smoking weed and she liked it. But, since your friend was only doing it to fit in, I feel there's a completely valid concern to want her to stop.

Now, what can you do about it? The short answer is nothing... But, there are things you can do.

You already know that trying to fight her on it won't make her stop, honestly we can't control other people, it only pushes them away, trust me... But you did the right thing in letting her know that you're concerned and that you think she should stop. Nothing you say will probably convince her to stop to be honest. The right thing to do is to keep saying no yourself when she offers it to you (if you don't want to.)

Now, the issue doesn't lie in the weed. To be perfectly honest there's nothing wrong with smoking weed, literally everyone I know smokes weed. It doesn't kill braincells, there's no long term damage, and as long as you do it safely then there's no reason not to enjoy it. BUT! the main thing, which strikes very close to home with me, is the fact that groups of people, or even indiviuals that start with smoking weed use it as a gateway to try other things...

I have lost both of my best friends to drugs, they both started with weed, and then tried other things, like molly, and heroin, coke, excstacy, acid . ... you name it they tried it... So there is a very real problem that if your friend was able to be pressured into smoking weed, then she may very well be pressured into trying other drugs which could ruin her life.

You need to express to her these things, but don't try to control her. Ultimately, she'll do what she wants, no matter what you say.

If I was in your position, what I would do is stay friends with her, keep her close, and make sure she's alright. And if she even mentions trying anything else I would immediately tell her parents and make sure they do something significant (not punish her or ground her. ) but something real, like move her away for some time, or something else extreme.

As much as she may hate you for it, you will be saving the girls life should she try these things. But for now, if it's just weed you're worrying about, I'd just try to relax and be there for her.

Hope this helped,
Jake
   
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Re: Close friend smokes weed - August 28th 2013, 06:03 PM

The fact that she is using weed to basically medicate herself because she feels depressed is worrisome. If she is feeling depressed she needs to talk to someone, not numb the pain. This could lead to bigger problems down the line, masking the problem won’t make her better. While you can’t make her stop smoking you can encourage her to speak to someone about how she is feeling.

And hopefully she stopped bugging you about you trying it as well. I am sure she was only doing it so that she felt better about doing it herself, but in the end, your true friends don’t pressure you to do drugs, especially once you already told them no.




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Re: Close friend smokes weed - August 29th 2013, 12:48 AM

Thanks so much for the replies. I really appreciate it.

Yeah, the main reason I'm worried is because of why she's doing it. The thing is, she doesn't get why it's a problem because she really "wants to like it" but doesn't. I tried talking to her about that once, and that's why we had to stop being friends for a while.

I'm also really afraid that she might try other drugs, especially since this doesn't help her like she wants it to. She says that doing happen, but I don't know if I believe that; it's not like it's as simple as that. I doubt she'll talk to anyone about being depressed- she used to talk to me about it because i was the only one she really trusted, but that stopped a while ago. She admits to being depressed but doesn't want too talk about it.

And she stopped bothering me about trying it, but I know shes hoping I'll change my mind eventually.


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