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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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This guy I like... - September 25th 2013, 01:17 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hey folks

Just... can I have your opinion on something please? I like this guy, 2 years older than me, almost 3. Usually a guy's emotional problems, such as depression or awkwardness or something like that, won't bother me. And with this guy, they don't. He smokes and does some other drugs, and he also cuts himself. My dad found out I like him, and warned me about his family name, and how apparently they are known for their drug use.

I however, see beauty in it. I don't know, I don't want to think that his use of cigarettes or anything is a form of Self Harm, because I don't see that as beautiful but something I want to help him with. I think he's doing alright with the cutting right now, and that's so wonderful. Except, when it comes to smoking, etc, there is no "alright".... it doesn't bother me being around him, not that I would ever use the drugs he uses, but it worries me that this might be a form of hurt?

....should I be more concerned than I am that this is a form of SH? He goes into withdrawal when he doesn't use, and it doesn't look like its good for him... I just am concerned about him being okay. I'm trying my best to help him with his cutting, but... I feel like there isn't a lot I can do with the drug use, since I can't relate having never taken any, and he is a lot more hooked on it, and... and well, I'm not as bothered by it in a uncomfortable way...

Lately I've been needing a lot of opinions, sorry
   
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Re: This guy I like... - September 25th 2013, 02:01 AM

It's expected to be naturally concerned about someone you care about.
Drugs though, really are fickle and they are a temporary fix that damages the long term road.
It damages your dopamine receptors which make you less happy in the future.
It really is damaging for you and him, it'll be extremely difficult to get over it but I find it essential for both you and his future that he quits drugs. It sounds easy for me to say, and I guess it is. It might be impossible for him to do so, but I cannot say.

My personal opinion, his greatest flaw is the drug-taking. He's fine otherwise.
Try to get him to stop taking drugs. Logic it out, tell him how useless drugs are.


What lies ahead is unknown. However, in some times, I've sighted several smooth pavements. I myself am the mender of roads, and it is with these we work on.

Last edited by JustACityBoy; September 25th 2013 at 02:22 AM.
   
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Re: This guy I like... - September 25th 2013, 02:28 AM

I wish it was that easy, but its like his life revolves around it, you know? Like an anchor almost. He and drugs are in some sort of hopeless hateful romance or something, like... I don't know. Apparently he's been hooked for YEARS... and he's not even 19 yet. I don't know... I wish I could have him stop, but that's like... no one can force ME out of something I need. Like music, no one can take that away, its part of me?

If that makes any sense?

....I wish he could just get better. If we were to start to date sometime, which I'd love to have happen, I'd just... I'd like to not have to worry about getting into trouble with the drugs. I'm not saying the drugs would do that, I'm not like trying to make harsh judgement against it, but... okay example. If he were to meet my parents. My dad rents out our old house, and apparently we got a family with the same last name as this guy in there, and they did drug dealing and using... I'd hate for it to be the same family but even so, I'd love it if he could say that he isn't like that.

Worse, I care about him so much, I want him to be safe, and happy. That's the key word, happy. Maybe he thinks life is better with cigarettes and weed, but its not that way. At all. That's my goal, to make him see he doesn't need cutting. Or drugs.
   
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Re: This guy I like... - September 25th 2013, 03:57 AM

I know the feeling where you think someone's doing something stupid and life-threatening, and you try to stop them. That happened to me for a long time.

I despise it personally. But mainly because they have stupid arguments and lack of faith in me. It's possible to do this in a non-judgmental way, which is to ask questions and state facts, not opinions.

It's true that he MAY be happier with the drugs,
however;
you should reason it out with him. Tell him why he does the drugs, and tell him to envision the future of him doing drugs. Tell him the facts of drugs and tell him if he still envisions what he normally did.
If he's skeptical, he can do his own research.

Here are some Drug facts.

Drugs release a highly concentrated amount of dopamines in your mind. Your mind will be used to it, and won't respond with that happy feeling as it did before.
Drugs is highly addictive and it costs alot and it's illegal.
Drugs are bad for your health.

it's absolutely ridiculous to do drugs to become more happier.

Having him accept the fact that drugs are terrible for you is the easy part, because there are so many obvious reasons.
Having the will power to stop doing them is the hard part.

Do consider the fact that he may never change, no matter how rough the method you have tried, or how nice the method you have tried.

Do consider that he wants to change but he's addicted to it, and maybe you just need to give him more reasons and show your super support.

Also, family names don't really mean much. Numerous thousands of people have Hitler as their last name but they have no affiliation to Adolf Hitler.
I personally won't judge anyone by their last name and I don't think that should be looked too much upon.

Also, my facts about drugs are gained from reading Wikipedia and online/textbook accounts about drugs. Perhaps drugs don't affect you at all, I never tried them or even saw them.


What lies ahead is unknown. However, in some times, I've sighted several smooth pavements. I myself am the mender of roads, and it is with these we work on.
   
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Re: This guy I like... - September 27th 2013, 09:47 PM

I agree with what Carl (JustACityBoy) is saying. There could be a chance that he may or may not stop doing drugs all together. Getting addicted to something and then having to stop it can be an extremely hard thing to do. Do you know if he is currently seeing a therapist/counselor? If not, I suggest that you tell him that it might do him some good to see one. Do you know the area he lives in? If so, maybe you could have him look for any support groups that can help him out (something like Alcoholics Anonymous). Here at the college I attend, the counseling and psychological center here has group counseling and one of the group counselings they have is Quitting Marijuana (for those who are looking to quite Marijuana). It is a 6 week group that is designed to help end a person's Marijuana use. Maybe he could look into something like that?




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Re: This guy I like... - September 28th 2013, 02:07 PM

Thanks so much guys for the advice. I know he does it, he talks about it all the time, you know? I just... I don't mind that he does it because I still really REALLY like him, I'm just worried and maybe he could use a little help, even if he doesn't want it... I just want him okay

Thank you
   
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Re: This guy I like... - September 30th 2013, 12:50 AM

I've always had a rule of thumb that you should never try and change someone you are in a relationship with. Whatever they choose to do in their free time is a part of them so if there's anything that bothers you, then you should reconsider if you want to be with them.
I know you said you don't really mind and you just want to help him, but you do have to remember that it's up to him to choose to quit or not. You can be there for support, but he's the one who will have to make the choice to stop smoking and taking drugs in the end.
I'm sure he appreciates you caring for him and I'm sure that is helping. Just be sure if you do decide to date that you are comfortable with who he is and that he isn't too unstable to put enough effort into a relationship to make it work.


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