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Ambiance Offline
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I took molly - April 12th 2014, 06:56 AM

It was magic, of course. My coworker at my new job convinced me to take it. I mean, he didn't really pressure me, I was curious. I'd never done it before. There's a minimal chances of my bosses finding out, but apparently this isn't a big deal if it happens. I work with good people, it's just apparently not something that they care about if it doesn't affect the quality of your work.

My coworker swore up and down that it was not "cut" with anything, like speed or meth. It was a capsule with this brown-ish white-ish stuff in it. My coworker had recommended me taking two. I was very skeptical so I only took one. It didn't seem to have much effect 45 minutes later, so I took the second. Maybe an hour after that, it hit me very suddenly and it was a very strong euphoric high, but that part probably only really lasted about three hours or so. The rest of it could be better described as a slightly focused tension and inability to go to sleep. And I'm not experiencing any extremely depressing feelings today. If anything, I feel a bit out of it still.

The thing is, I'm ****ing depressed. I have initiative and I have all these thoughts and I'm really ****ing smart and I don't have problems talking to people and I have friends but I am so disappointed with individuals and the general logic of society and I don't relate to hardly anyone and that is such a lonely feeling. I love writing and art, but I'm scared to say that I only create things that are really good when I am thinking rapidly and constantly, and yes so I have a creative outlet, but I'm still depressed. And drugs numb all of it. I really hate the idea of some chemical substance making me feel a certain way, like it's this mechanical process, but I grow increasingly unable to pass up the temptation of relieving myself of all these ****ing thoughts running rampant and bumming me out constantly. I love being relieved of the responsibility of managing my thoughts, but I hate stooping to this. I've never felt so adamantly that I was injecting myself with fake feeling before trying this drug specifically, though. (I didn't actually inject anything, btdubs, I took it orally) I wanted to take more right away, honestly, I almost stopped by my work today just to get some from my coworker again. I still want to take it again. I know I need to see a counselor of some sort, but I hate the thought of resigning myself to someone else's better judgement because I'm so freaking arrogant and set in my views--I know this is not necessarily what therapy is supposed to be viewed as by most people, it's just an exaggeration created by my ego

I don't take pills frequently, but I freaking love them; vicodin, aderall, now this. Just because they make me feel something that I can't in any good conscience on my own.
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Re: I took molly - April 12th 2014, 06:46 PM

Molly makes your serotonin receptors fire like crazy which is what gives you the euphoric high. It takes about 40 minutes to an hour to kick in, so it wasn't really a good idea to take more without giving it a little more time. The high does last only about three hours, and it's going to make you feel very depressed afterwards because your serotonin is going to have to resupply itself because you used most of it up. You also shouldn't use it too often, even using it more than once every couple of months takes away the magic it gives you. It is also extremely harsh on your body, and you have to be very careful to hydrate because it increases your body temperature. People have died from hyperthermia.
It isn't worth it. I'm sure you know that, but a few hours of feeling good isn't worth the huge crash it gives you, and it isn't worth harming your body for. I can completely understand using drugs as a way to change how you feel, but it will really only make you feel worse in the end. Finding healthier ways to cope with how you feel and better ways to change your mood is key.
Even though your workplace is pretty lenient about this type of thing, don't let it influence how you look at the drug. Molly is a pretty strong drug, and it can lead to death. Saying no is the hard part, but later on down the road you'll be glad you didn't take more.
On a personal note, I have taken molly. I stopped because of the awful crash and because of how bad for you it is. The last reason though was I got really, really nauseous. I didn't puke, but I spent the few hours next to a trash can. It wasn't fun.

And here you are living, despite it all.
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