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Wow, I'm not impressed. - September 7th 2014, 05:31 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

This is my second day without the use of amphetamines and it fucking sucks. I feel like absolute crap. I literally can't find motivation. My exams are tomorrow and go on for a fortnight and in these situations I would use amphetamines as a productive study aid and would be insufflating and parachuting all kinds of uppers to sustain a euphoric and productive high to get shit done.. I can barely finish reading my transcript which is a mind-boggling 6 pages long. I feel like shit. Today is Fathers Day, my father went to hospital, left and is now... idk where he is but I hope he is okay.

I've been doing nothing but smoking cigarettes today and feeling quite slumpy. I simultaneously went cold-turkey on my anti-psychotic medication and will not be surprised if symptoms do develop. I will be seeing my shrink soon for medication adjustments.

Is there any way to sustain a natural productive feeling that mimics fets? I can't seem to focus on anything and the state of sobriety is utterly shit in sheer and epitomized contrast to my productive and prolonged highs to where I'd only require 3 hours sleep. If this itch doesn't quell in time today; I will go to my cousin's house and pilfer his ADHD medication.. but I am never the one to take from family but I feel wrecked.

Amphetamines made everything brighter and more clear, I am upset with myself and feel very unstable. Amphetamines was my quotidian proclivity.. it adhered to my daily routine because it is like a backbone to cocaine but far more prolonged and less intense. Now everything is black and white. I want to see the vivid colours there are, the finery of detail, the productivity my body was capable of, the long-lived intense study sessions, the alacrity and levity in completely tasks with one hand, the loquacious and omnipotent conversations I could hold.

Fuck, I need to allay this or I will be ripping off my face.



   
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Re: Wow, I'm not impressed. - September 7th 2014, 11:43 PM

Hi There,

It is understandable you are experiencing these things.
Going off of any substance is not easy for anyone. Adding that you went "cold turkey" with your psychotropic medication is probably not helping you at all either.
It is best to stay on any prescribed medication (especially psychotropic medications and similar medications) until your doctor gives you a plan for reducing the amount of medication you are taking or until your doctor puts you on new medication or adjusts the doseage.
I hope your appointment is soon so that you can talk to your counselor soon and so that your psychiatrist can adjust your medications.
In terms of things to give you a high similar to that of amphedimines, it is against the Terms of Service to detail how you can get high in anyway.
Maybe you can exercise as a way to get your mind working and a way to wake yourself up somewhat. I know that sometimes, exercising helps me get out of states of feeling low etc. even if it is for a brief period.
I think that do to your situation though, these symptoms will go away eventually with time. You have quit taking/using several different things and if you used these drugs along with your medication for a while, your body will not handle it well for some time. It will take your body time to get back to normalcy.
I hope this helps and that you can get help with these things.
Take care.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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Re: Wow, I'm not impressed. - September 8th 2014, 01:46 AM

Hi Kak,

I finished my exams an hour ago and now just chain smoking to ease things. I woke up feeling a general discomfort and began sweating profusely. Not because I was nervous but the withdrawals seem to be having a kick. This morning I had taken supplements rich in Nootropics and 300mg of caffeine to supply a kickstart for today. I ended up feeling anxious and jiterry, almost counterproductive. I'll explain more once I go home. Thanks for your reply.



   
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Re: Wow, I'm not impressed. - September 8th 2014, 05:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kakorrhaphiophobia View Post
Hi There,

It is understandable you are experiencing these things.
Going off of any substance is not easy for anyone. Adding that you went "cold turkey" with your psychotropic medication is probably not helping you at all either.
It is best to stay on any prescribed medication (especially psychotropic medications and similar medications) until your doctor gives you a plan for reducing the amount of medication you are taking or until your doctor puts you on new medication or adjusts the doseage.
I hope your appointment is soon so that you can talk to your counselor soon and so that your psychiatrist can adjust your medications.
In terms of things to give you a high similar to that of amphedimines, it is against the Terms of Service to detail how you can get high in anyway.
Maybe you can exercise as a way to get your mind working and a way to wake yourself up somewhat. I know that sometimes, exercising helps me get out of states of feeling low etc. even if it is for a brief period.
I think that do to your situation though, these symptoms will go away eventually with time. You have quit taking/using several different things and if you used these drugs along with your medication for a while, your body will not handle it well for some time. It will take your body time to get back to normalcy.
I hope this helps and that you can get help with these things.
Take care.
Hey I'm not home and won't be until tonight but I'll type it now. I did a bit of excercise and managed to achieve a moderate runners high which was decent but I don't appear to feel or look healthy. It looks like I haven't slept properly in yonks and my sleep was shit. My mind is playing tricks on me and I thought I was doing fets in my dreams.. haha. I flunked the exams today and I will be discussing adjustments this Thursday with my shrink and psych. I don't think anyone understands how painful this urge is. Now I know why it's best not to touch drugs and last month I thought I had it all and was invincible but my addictive personality took a toll. I know this will diminish in time but for now it's nothing except dealing with this under pressure. I have no money so I can't buy anymore and I'm calling off work this week as I think I'm too unstable to deal with customers. Going to work under the influence was bliss but now I can't even think about walking into a place like that. It seems that I'm more sensitive to light now and have little tolerance for anything. I spoke to my cousin and he said he is willing to give me some Concerta as a substitute to use as a tool of distraction and I might give in and take 8 of him which will provide a sustainable high for tonight or tomorrow and I know it's feeble minded to give in but it's too much for me right to handle and I feel like the guy of Requiem of a dream trying to score but my friend is advising I check in for a detox and explain that I was addicted but I'm not ready to be under that kind of pressure and as long as there isn't potentially fatal withdrawal symptoms then it's doable but the only way I can explain this is that the state of sobriety just doing Jack for me not even elevated moods did Jack. I see no light at the end of the tunnel nor is the storm quieting down. I'll explain later tonight.



   
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Re: Wow, I'm not impressed. - September 9th 2014, 05:47 AM

Hey! Today I had my engineering and religion exam which were both aptly completed under 1.5 hours (3.5 hour long exams) and it felt great. I woke up today feeling satisfied that I had some sort of stimulant (my cousin ended up giving me 10 methyls) and parachuted 7 at once then another 3 right after my engineering exam. The feeling was satisfying but I am now coming down to a crash and not even concerned about getting my hands on more atm but my mental well being. I shouldn't of stopped my medication abruptly, I can't seem to do much without it.



   
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Re: Wow, I'm not impressed. - September 11th 2014, 07:30 AM

Look, Im not gonna tell you how bad ampetamines actually are, but hey... feeling like shit is better than being dead.
   
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Re: Wow, I'm not impressed. - September 11th 2014, 12:07 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MichWolverineFreak View Post
Look, Im not gonna tell you how bad ampetamines actually are, but hey... feeling like shit is better than being dead.
Hey Mich, you're on the dot there. Like I said, if I'm not experiencing any fatal withdrawal symptoms then the ride will be rocky but not on a deathly edge. It's been a very harsh week and I say that vehemently. Getting off any kind of drug is a combustion of hardship and reality -- good shit doesn't last forever. Yes, I'm still intact and grasp the kinship with the close people that I love and I'm lucky that my protracted drug use didn't throw me over the cliff and completely obliterate the things that were close to my heart - yeah, I had to dodge bullets here and there (not literally) and my family would have to deal with my suspicious behaviour, yeah, I had to work overtime to support my habit and yeah, I had to deal with many things that drug users run up with. Last month was one ride on an everlasting roller-coaster, my drug-binge was profusely unhealthy but exhilarating at the same time. I wished it never ended.

My advice to everyone who will be bothered reading this and I explained the exact same thing with my best mates.. NEVER attach drugs to your lifestyle and think you got it on a leash, you don't. Us humans, us very social and habitual social creatures don't have sheer capacity to cut things off with ease, especially when you've adapted to it. There are countless studies proving that weed is not a gateway drug. Ha, my sample size to counteract those statistics are me and my mates who got over the hype of weed and moved onto harder shit. I started touching heavier shit then that.. it was weed, then pills at parties, binge drinking, cocaine dabbling, experimenting with psychedelics and then it all spiralled down after taking speed at a festival and from there, sobriety wasn't not sustainable and I chased that shit like a dog would chase bone. You're all smart enough not to get into that shit. Yeah, have your fair share of illicits here and there -- no worries, people do it once in a blue moon and go "fuck, great night, but probably won't be doing that for a while"; don't do what I did and went "fuck, I need more, that was great". You're once-in-a-blue-moon drug use rarities will decrease to fortnightly, then weekly, then daily. Both my brothers have had their fair share of drugs in the past and taught me not to engage in repetitive behaviour with it and I just didn't learn. Both my brothers have stable jobs, one is happily married and has a baby on the way... imagine if he integrated drugs into his lifestyle. I'm very lucky to come to realization of my problem because if this went on any further, I would've just exploded everything around me or end up doing very silly things.

If you want to try something here and there..don't be a dumb ass. Don't pop random pills like I did that some dodgy cunt sold to you at a party; get yours tested with a raegent reactor. Don't be attracted to the group who sit there and do ketamine or some other stupid drug and if someone offers you a line, say "cya later champ" and walk the other way. When you've never touched drugs or you're on drugs, you feel invincible... when you're off it you'll start doing shit that debilitates your sense of wellbeing. My psychotic symptoms are slowly creeping up on me and I've done things dramatic such as crying hysterically to get on the fets when I couldn't. Be the smarter person, don't touch any of this shit and if you're noticing you're developing a pervasive pattern of drug use... either wake up and get help or get out of there ASAP.

I am in the middle of combat here with myself and substances.
Fuck drugs.



   
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Re: Wow, I'm not impressed. - September 16th 2014, 11:05 AM

5 days clean... things are getting better.



   
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Re: Wow, I'm not impressed. - September 17th 2014, 06:21 PM

Hey, so I am actually legally prescribed these drugs for ADHD. I would highly discouraged their discontinued use. People like myself are supposed to use them so we can be "normal", so that we can actually calm down and focus just like other people... Using them to "up" yourself is extremely harmful!!!! Like I have to check in with my doctor to make sure I am not losing to much weight and to make sure that my heart doesn't develop any abnormalities. I also have to be careful of the withdrawal process even though I am only on a low dose once a day, I'll literally just want to sleep for a week and that doesn't matter how much I sleep and I feel hungry and irritated, which isn't nearly so bad as other peoples worse symptoms of withdrawal... If you need a doctors supervision because of the risks associated with a medication, you should probably hesitate, it would certainly make me think twice.

Trust me, imagine having ADHD and feeling overwhelmed trying to keep up with everything. It's a bloody nightmare. So I can understand the impulse to use "something" to fix it. But please, if you can't handle it, speak to people and let them know you are strugging so they understand if you need more time, manage your time... and drink coffee instead!!!!

I pray that you will be able to get clean!!! If you are struggling, just know that there are treatment options out there to help you get clean and to monitor your mental and physical health during the process. I swear to god, because I actually need the ADHD medications because I am actually diagnosed with the disorder, I know the risks better than most AND that it's not helping non-ADHD people as much as you'd think, it's usually just putting a bandaid on the bigger issues.... I am proud of you for being clean for 5 days!




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