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I don't know what to do; so mad at myself - February 20th 2015, 01:11 AM

I'm a college student. I've always felt like I was kind of smart but could never focus. Thought I wasn't trying hard enough, got to college, and realized I legit couldn't focus. I moved to the city I'm in now to attend community college here, raise my GPA, and transfer into a very good school here. I did raise my GPA last semester, but it's still a little below their average acceptance rate for my program. There aren't really any other good schools that are affordable here and, being someone who used to not see myself at a university even, I really want to meet this goal that I'm very close to. Talked to my doctor about ADD meds. He put me on a low dose, short-release stimulant. I took it exactly the way I was supposed to four months and saw a significant improvement in all aspects of my life. Raised that GPA last semester, got a fairly good start to this one. Then I had a lot to do on a Saturday about three weeks ago and thought, Why the hell not just take another one, it's not going to hurt me and I've controlled myself this whole time.

That was the mistake. I took three the next day and jumped further and further down this rabbit hole. I've missed days of sleep and I'm scared because I've experienced some chest pains that started two weeks ago and now I feel kind of paranoid and I don't want to be alone. Now in this timeline of when it started, I didn't take any for a full week because, you know, I had run out. Then when I got my next prescription filled, which is now XR, I thought I'd be fine but I took one and didn't feel the affects so I fell into the same pattern this last week. I've missed two nights of sleep-not in a row, but both this week. One was last night so I took adderall this morning because I knew I literally wouldn't function today, but as soon as I did, I regretted it so much because I knew that it was dangerous and I spent the day worrying that I had OD'd. It wasn't likely that I had based on how much I took, but my feet were tingly and I still had chest pains and yadaya, the point is, I realized that I took it anyway at a pretty big risk. I realized that I have been abusing a stimulant and that it is not improving my life. I realized that it stems from the pressure I feel to make sure everything is perfect with school and I also work every day. I realized that I am neglecting several aspects of my life to take too much of this drug and it's not even going to make me study much better than if I was taking the recommended dose. At this point, it's done the opposite; I'm scatterbrained and paranoid and more than anything, I do NOT want this to define who I am. I took the last pill ten hours ago. I'm scared to go to sleep because I am still tingly and chest-hurt-y. I don't have anyone I can really talk to about this. I just need some reassurance that it's okay for me to go to sleep, more than anything. :/

So, I'm not taking it for a while. I want to get back on it at the recommended dose but I had awful thoughts and feelings today and I just can't do it again anytime soon. I scared the sh*t out of myself. I know it's standard to tell someone who has binged on legal speed for a couple weeks to get help, but I don't have anyone I can tell about this. I know I can get through this on my own. I know it may not sound likely, but I do have self control, I've just been really stupid these past couple of weeks.

I just need some pointers on getting through the withdraw and everything I guess. I'm also wondering if it's really just insane to think that I'm going to take it as directed after I've finished withdrawing. I don't know, anything would help, I'm still out of it and scared honestly.
   
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Re: I don't know what to do; so mad at myself - February 20th 2015, 11:32 AM

Hello there,

The important thing that you need to do is talk with a health professional about what happened. It's important that you do discuss what happened. Health professionals help those who took this kind of medication that have been in your situation.

Why you should consult with a medical professional:

  • They can adjust the medication
  • They can monitor you (blood pressure/heart rate)
  • They can discuss to you options of getting through this
  • They can provide more information to you and answer your questions

Everyone goes through stress and they find ways to stay awake to finish projects, some ways are healthy, some aren't healthy, some are dangerous, some aren't, and some can cause more issues than none. Dealing with stress and wanting to be better, to have a good GPA, there's a few things you can do so you can better manage your stress.

Managing your stress:


  1. Make a list of things you need to get done during the day, while crossing off what you have finished
  2. Do homework that is due before other work, start on projects once you get the information, rather than just cramming them all in to get finished last minute
  3. Look into a study partner, this can help organize yourself and get more understanding on topics because you now have a second brain (opinions/thoughts/questions- study partner)
  4. Getting a tutor can help with harder class work and organization skills
  5. Support systems

I would like to outline a few ways for you to obtain some Support Systems

  1. Most Colleges/Universities have a counseling centre where you can talk to a counselor about a variety of different struggles
  2. Most Colleges/Universities have Health Services with nurses and doctors on campus or close to campus
  3. TeenHelp has a wide range of support services: HelpLINK, LiveHelp, Chat Room, with Resources and Hotlines (which have a wealth of supports in your region/country)
I wanted to point out that it's not always the best thing to suddenly stop a medication, without being monitored by a health professional. This is for your own safety and welbeing, because not many know what might happen if you stop for a few days or weeks then take the medication again. You may go through withdrawal periods which can be very unpleasant and uncomfortable.

If you have any other questions let me know and let us how you are doing. This is a very difficult time for you and very stressful.


Take care.


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