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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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I'm done. Forever. - May 10th 2009, 08:46 PM

Last night. I really fucked up. Bad.

I was at my birthday party and I had a few drinks. I was buzzed, not really drunk. I just got back together with my girlfriend on the third, she lives in vegas, I'm in San Diego. I was joking around with this girl, just like wise cracks to things she and other people said. I joked around with everyone at the party, guys, girls, everyone.

Then later on in the night we were watching Halloween, the girl from earlier comes up and sits next to me and puts her arm around me. I move over and tell her that I have a girlfriend. She moves closer again and says, so she won't ever find out, and I basically say I don't care if she wouldn't find out. I'm not going to cuddle or anything with anyone but her and she kept trying to push it. So I just say I'm going to go up to my car and take a nap.

I get up to my car, and sleep for about 3 or 4 hours, I woke up and I was sobered up. So I walk down to the house and everyone was asleep, so I decided to just drive home. I get to my car and drive home without incident. This is where I fuck up.

I post a bulletin on myspace exaggerating what happened. And said I drove home drunk. Don't ask why I said that, I honestly don't know. I guess I was hoping someone irl would care about me and talk to me about it. But I never expected what happened to happen.

Now I met my girlfriend through the person that is, well I guess after this it's was, my best friend. They were really good friends before my girlfriend had to move. My BF had something happen in the past involving a drunk driver, I'm not going to go into detail on that. I message her today on msn just to talk and see what was up, like everday convo, and she seems off, so I ask what's wrong, and she says nothing, so I say is that the truth, and she explains to me that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. And that I crossed the line with what I did. I agree, I should not have driven home, I should have slept more. I try to explain everything that happened, and why I left.

I don't know what she thinks now, she wants time, and I'm going to give her time. She's my bestfriend and she means the world to me. I would do anything to prove that.

I love my girlfriend A LOT. Nobody knows how much I love her, I would do anything for her. All I have wanted was to just be with her, to hear her voice, to hold her hand. She is my life. I left my birthday party because of how much I loved her. I wanted to get away from the girl that kept pushing herself on to me, so I did. And I went to my car and I slept. Now I feel like I may lose her. I have nothing to live for if we split up. She has kept me going.

I told my bestfriend I would stop drinking last time I got drunk. I didn't do anything stupid like this though. She just found out, and we got into a fight and I said I would stop. I did until saturday night. I stayed completely sober for an entire month. Not one drop of alcohol. Then last night I did this and completely fucked up any trust she had in me. I fucked up really bad and am going to probably lose both her and my girlfriend now.

I am in tears right now writing this out. I didn't ever see this before, I never saw how bad it fucked up my life. I have no desire to drink anymore. I just want one more chance, please. I will do anything to make this better. I never saw how much impact I had on your life. I love my girlfriend, I would never cheat on her. I left my own birthday party because of how much I love her. She is amazing and I don't want to lose her.

So please, give me another chance. I am done drinking. Forever. I don't care if my friends are, I will not be. I won't even go around with them if there will be alcohol there.

I love you alissa so much. I'm sorry. I'm a fuck up.
   
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Re: I'm done. Forever. - May 10th 2009, 09:00 PM

Hey.
You don't need telling that you fucked up, you know that. You need to grovel at their feet, I'm afraid. And learn to control your drinking habits. Know when to stop. I'm not a supporter of the "not one drop"-stuff, because you're going to be with people drinking quite a lot if you want to have somewhat of a social life. Just don't overdo it. And hope that they forgive you.
   
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Re: I'm done. Forever. - May 11th 2009, 03:47 PM

Knowing the circumstances of saying you "drove drunk", I don't understand why you would do that either. It's never cool in the least bit to drive drunk let alone post a bulletin about that. It makes you look unattractive and a potential hazard to others. I say when she wants to talk, you sit down face to face and explain to her exactly what the hell happened and how you exaggerated that bulletin and maybe she'll understand. Just don't do things like that. You don't need to give up drinking completely because it wasn't the drinking that made you post a bulletin like that. You were a little buzzed and slept it off. You did all the right things, you just screwed up with that message. Just watch it next time.
   
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Re: I'm done. Forever. - May 11th 2009, 04:28 PM

I somewhat disagree with the above posters.

If you feel as though no more alcohal is what needs to happen (and by the sounds of it you might benefit from no alcohal whatsoever) then I suggest you do it. Obviously you promising your best friend that you wouldn't drink anymore means that you realize you have a problem (good for you for realizing this). Sure, they are both hurt (and both for different reasons) so give them time and try to apologize. I know it will be difficult for them to accept because it sounds like you have hurt them both quite a bit, but through communication you can get those relationships back. Sure, it might be awhile before they are the same as they were before but I'm sure you can gain back their trust.

Good luck.
   
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Re: I'm done. Forever. - May 11th 2009, 04:48 PM

I think it's admirable that you're willing to give up alcohol for the one you love. And I say do it. Obviously it's nothing but trouble for you and with her, so whats the point of it anyways.


I love the name of honour more than I fear death.
   
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Re: I'm done. Forever. - May 12th 2009, 03:13 AM

Things are good with me and my girlfriend thank god. Me and the bf aren't talking still... I have no desire to eat anymore either... Which is a good thing since I need to lose a bunch of weight anyway.... I figure, if I don't eat I can prove i have self control.


About a month ago I told her I would stop drinking, and I did for a month, and then my birthday came around any I mentioned it to her a few times and she didn't say anything about it. So I figured she was okay about it. So I drank that night... I fucked up real bad by doing that, now she doesn't trust me. I have a desire to scratch too, really bad.... She means so much to me. If it wasn't for here I would have never been happy... ugh, why did i fuck up so bad?
   
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