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Stormy Rainbow Offline
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Trading SH for drinking? - April 3rd 2017, 02:33 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I feel like I am getting out of control even though I haven't cut myself in over a week or burn myself in over a week. I want to take BLANK to my skin and hurt myself so damn much right now. I feel like I have traded self-harm to drinking. I don't really like the taste of my alcohol and yest I find myself drinking twice since Tuesday. I just down a half cup of alcohol with soda in like less than 5 minutes. I still feel like shit, I actually feel worse because I am so afraid I am turning into my mother. I want another drink so damn bad but what if that turns into six? I just don't know what to do. I don't want to become an alcoholic but I am afraid that is what I am turning into.

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Re: Trading SH for drinking? - April 3rd 2017, 06:03 AM

You qualify for AA. You can check out the various AA meetings around town and see if you find one you like. These meetings give you an opportunity to meet with other people who will accept you so you feel like you belong. That helps the unconscious brain relax a little. (It can also help depression if you are feeling isolated.)

In addition to AA, there's probably other similar meetings which aren't strictly AA meetings. There may be a Celebrate Recovery meeting nearby, which is AA with a dash of Christianity. There may be a meeting at a local Unitarian church if you prefer less Christianity (or no Christianity). There are meetings of all kinds to satisfy every individual.

If you SH then that's a clear sign of a medical depression problem so hopefully you're seeing a psychiatrist doctor and he's working on finding a medication that works for you. (Medication can make a HUGE difference IF you can find the one that works for you. May take a lot of searching though, but it's worth it!)

There may also be support groups for depression. (It's OK to be depressed. Most of the people have been through depression and now want to help others who are going through it, because it's good for both them and the other person too.)

And keep writing here and say how it's going.

The goal is to find a decent medication that does what alcohol does, except much better and without the side effects.

Also to feel a part of a 'tribe' by going to support groups, which helps alleviate feelings of isolation and helps relax the midbrain.

Yoga, Tai-Chi, Qi-Gong, Mindfulness Meditation, can also help keep one's brain tuned up, though my personal experience is what really helped was finding the right medication. That made all the difference for me.

Best wishes!
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Re: Trading SH for drinking? - April 4th 2017, 12:50 AM

Hi Essa,

First of all, I want to compliment your achievement. Being over a week self harm free is amazing! You should be so proud of yourself. I know how hard you've been struggling, especially lately.

I've been in your shoes before, so I definitely understand. I used to drink every time I got an urge to self harm. However, drinking does have a lot of long term effects on your body, which I believe you're aware of. Long term effects includes issues with your liver including liver cancer, anemia, cardiomyopathy, and diabetes.

As mentioned above, I do recommend going to an AA meeting. They can be very helpful a couple people I know have gone to them and they have helped a lot.

Also, you should consider inpatient. I worked on a medical unit today, and I realized just how much they can help. I know you've been recently, but I highly recommend going long term. They would be able to get you on the road to recovery.

Stay Strong,

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stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.”

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