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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Calaer Offline
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He really needs help. - December 4th 2017, 03:30 AM

The past year or two I've rekindled my relationship with my father. However, some very grim things have come to light since. My father is an alcoholic. I never realized how bad it was. Growing up I knew my dad drank a lot, but as a child, I never really understood. I've been at my dad's house as early as 9am and he is drunk by noon. I know he has been to the doctor, and he was having problems with his liver. Also, I think it's really starting to affect his memory. I can tell him something, and about 15 minutes later, he will totally forget everything I've said, and I'll have to repeat it. He will even go out in to public drunk, and I'm so worried that he will get arrested one of these days. I've even caught him trying to drink in the car while I'm driving him around. (Driving with an open container is illegal, even if the driver isn't drinking.)

I've been wanting to talk to him about it, but I'm worried that he will take it the wrong way, or that he will become offended. I know that this is an actual problem. I'm not mad at my dad, I'm worried. I truly don't want anything to happen to him, and I want him to be around to see Ava grow, and I want him to know how much we love him. I'm willing to do anything it takes to help him, but I'm not really sure what I could do.

I'm just not sure what I could or would do. Any advice would be great! Thanks.

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He really needs help. - December 4th 2017, 07:10 PM

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time right now. When something like this is going on it's hard to deal with by yourself and you don't know what to do and I'm so sorry you are going through this right now.
Do you have any other family members or friends that you can talk to about this and have them help you out? Also try to google therapist and see who is in you're area and see if you can talk with them about you're father. Also some of them can make house calls too if you're father doesn't want to go out and talk with someone. You can try and have him go and talk, but if he doesn't want to, call them and ask what they can do for you and you're father. Also you can write a letter to him and letting him know that this is upsetting you and you would like to know if he will go and get some help with this.
I hope that you will be ok soon. I wish you the best.
Lots of hugs.
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Re: He really needs help. - December 7th 2017, 11:56 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your father's alcoholism. I think it's worth trying to talk to him about it. I understand the fear of him getting offended though since he may not realise his drinking has become a problem or he may be in denial. Often with alcoholism, there are other issues beneath the surface and maybe the alcohol helped to forget about them, though at the expense of becoming an alcoholic.

If you do decide to talk to your father, I think you should say what you have here. You want him to be around for Ava and to see her grow up, and that you love him, but it's hurting both you and him to see the effects of how much he drinks. You could try researching for alcoholics anonymous or 12 step groups in your area and offer to go with him to get him signed up. Or go with him when he has a doctors appointment and perhaps ask about what help they might be able to provide.

Unfortunately though, you can only do so much and it really is your father's choice whether to get help for his drinking or not. If he doesn't get help, it's not that he is weak, doesn't care or love you or Ava, it's more likely that it's just the alcohol affecting him.

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Re: He really needs help. - December 7th 2017, 01:56 PM

Hey there,

I agree that you should talk to him and tell him all that you said here. It is very possible that he will get defensive. I think that most people get a tad bit defensive when they are confronted with something like this. That being said, talking to him about it might open his eyes to the fact that there is something going on and he might need to seek help. Even if talking to him doesn't really lead to him seeking out help, it might help you feel better because you will get to express your concerns.

It is important to note that you can't really help him unless he wants to help himself. You can provide him with support while he figures out what he wants to do and you can provide him with support if he chooses to seek help. I know with some of the people in my family who have had dependency problems, this was one of the things I struggled with. I wanted to help them but they weren't ready for that help so there wasn't a whole lot I can do.

I am wishing you the best of luck.

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Re: He really needs help. - December 8th 2017, 05:33 AM

Talk to him about it, and be harsh with him if you have to.. after all alcohol never brings fortune for families if consumed too much, too often. Try to also find disaster stories online regarding alcoholism in families , and then let him know about it..it might scare him off the habit.

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Re: He really needs help. - December 8th 2017, 05:23 PM

Hey there,

I can understand why you are so worried about your dad and his drinking. You have valid concerns and reasons why you are worried.

He might not be aware that he has a problem with drinking or that it is causing some issues in his own life (liver issues and memory) but it does have an impact on others around him. He has been drinking like this for a long time, you mentioned, when you were a child he drank, so this is a longer term drinking problem he has.

You mentioned you really care about him, that you want him to be interactive with Ava and how much she grows. When you talk to your dad, you can always bring this up with him. Explain your worries, concerns, what you want your dad to be apart of your life and Ava's. Sometimes, if addictions continue and they aren't listening, at times an intervention can be away to help. If you feel an intervention would be best, talk to someone who is trained in it, or you can also talk to someone who is trained in alcoholism to see what they could suggest.

Originally Posted by Green Yoshi View Post
Talk to him about it, and be harsh with him if you have to.. after all alcohol never brings fortune for families if consumed too much, too often. Try to also find disaster stories online regarding alcoholism in families , and then let him know about it..it might scare him off the habit.

Much kindness and love,
Darren, I really don't feel this is an effective method that would turn out with it being positive. In some cases, it could work, but I don't feel it would for the user to scare her dad like this.

Lawson, if it is possible, if you aren't 100% sure how to handle this you could benefit contacting your local alcoholism support group, Alcohol Annouymous, or talk to his doctor about your worries and if there is a plan you and them could do. Doing this alone can be hard, so try to reach out to local supports in your community.

Let us know if you need anything else, we are all here for you.

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