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DScott Offline
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Of the Demons I have tasted I have Myself become a far worse monster. - June 3rd 2009, 03:37 AM

Tonight I was put face to face to what I have become...at 19 I am a binge drinker...I will consume booze until I wake up with no idea of anything i did or said the night before. I have called and texted ppl I cared for in such a state and seeply hurt them and now I know the pain I have caused and only wish I could feel it. I will never let this particular semon control my mind or body again. I will never again hurt someone I love. I will not be my father, my step-mother, or the man and woman who murdered my mother. The bitter taste of whiskey will never make me happy, but it may kill me if not in itself then in the foolish acts I commit while under its control. I would like to think I was once a decent enough guy but I have allowed my self pity and weakness to destroy what my mother struggled to instil in my mind and heart. My mother taught me to be honest, kind, chivalrous, and to always remember that no matter what I may do in life I am no better then anyone else. I let those values be washed away and in doing so have disgraced everything my mother ever taught me and destroyed then man I should have been. I know its not going to be easy but when tempted I will remember that for every tear I cried for my mother others have cried many more at the pain I have inflicted. On my life and honor little as remains I will never drink again.

Alchol is by no means my only demon nor the only one I am taking on head on I am arrogant, i speak without thinking about the impact my words may have on others. All I ask for if time and patience.


June 2nd 2009. Today I was confronted with the pain that I have inflicted on others through my arrogance and alcholism. Today I will start fresh and I will never forget thtaa I am no better then anyone else.

Last edited by DScott; June 3rd 2009 at 03:39 AM. Reason: Multiple posts have been merged automatically.
   
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soul Offline
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Re: Of the Demons I have tasted I have Myself become a far worse monster. - June 3rd 2009, 07:30 PM

Hey,

I just wanted to let you know how proud I am of you. Trying to let go of an addiction can be one of the most difficult things. You are already making such a positive stride towards recovery by admitting you have a problem and choosing to give up the substances that are holding you back. You are right when you say alcohol won't make you happy. However, eliminating it from your life won't automatically make you happy either. I do think letting go of some of your negative self images will help make you a happier person. We all do things we aren't proud of. You learn from mistakes and grow. The only real mistake is being to nearsighted to learn from the past. I think your mom would be proud that you are finally taking control of things and letting go of alcohol. Ridding your life of an addictive substance is a very honorable thing. It is also very difficult to do alone. I highly recommend going to counseling. Not only could seeing a therapist help you overcome your addiction but it could also help you deal with the grief of losing your mother and the difficulty of having an alcoholic father. If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to PM me. I wish you the best of luck. Take care and stay strong.

Lots of love<3 Mimi



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