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Hdjdjdjduvieg Offline
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Thumbs down I'm a skag and bone man - September 3rd 2009, 04:33 AM

So throughout my life I'd always been so focussed on the future and my ambitions... and then probably around 8-9 months ago, I lost sight of it. I don't know why it happened, but suddenly I didn't care as much anymore. The ideas I'd had for my future just didn't seem so appealing. I ended up getting involved in a pretty unhealthy relationship... mainly being my own fault, because this person wasn't the only one I'd starting seeing. The other one was injections. I felt so lonely, even in a relationship, because I felt and still feel like no one at all is like me. It's really hard to explain, but I'm a bit eccentric and different, so it's true. Not that I'm a loner or anything, I have plenty of friends and relationships, but the thing is I wouldn't care for a second if I never got to see any of them again, or if I had to spend the rest of my time on my tobbler. So my use and the things I did and mostly didn't do as a result ended this long-term relationship a few months ago... I was devastated at first, but got over it fast, and just made my relationship with my needle even stronger... and I was happy with that.

So it was those feelings that led to this, I suppose. Something about the drug heroin just began to fascinate me until I managed to get a hold of a syringe and my own stash. And well, I enjoy it so much. I want to do it, keep doing and not stop... but the problem is, I know it's not right. I also want that foundation for my future I'd always set for myself... I want to reorganise my life, but I also want to just quite everything and live for nothing but myself, my skag and my guitar. But I don't want to be a junkie. It's so hard to explain, I need major help with this because the urge to shoot up is pretty bad. But I can no way go to rehab... I don't think I'm all that addicted (not physically at least), and no one knows about it so checking in would be a problem. I just need motivation or something.


I love the name of honour more than I fear death.
   
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Re: I'm a skag and bone man - September 4th 2009, 05:53 PM

Mental addiction is just as strong as a physical one... And very often hides a physical addiction too.
I struggle with what to suggest in situations like yours because people convince themselves that there is no life beyond the drug... But don't seem to recognise that there was a life before it and there clearly will be one after.

Heroin isn't just a normal drug. It ropes you further and further in and you don't realise what is happening until it's too late. Slowly but surely it becomes your life and not something you do from time to time.

For you, I would suggest finding your local NA meeting (NA.org) and tag along. You don't have to say anything, do anything. Just sit back and listen. Look at the people there and see what impact the drugs have had on their lives and where they are compared to where they would of liked to have been.

You only live once. Throwing your life away for a bit of smack and some riffs on your guitar. C'mon. You're clearly an intelligent guy. You want more than that, and are more than capable of getting it.

Don't be afraid to reach out and get what you want. Hiding behind a drug will hold you back until it's too late and you'll be wondering where your life went. You have so much time, so much potential...
   
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Re: I'm a skag and bone man - September 8th 2009, 04:57 AM

Thanks, Charlotte... So I think I'm going to try really hard to quit. Even though I don't know what I want to do with my life, I know what I don't...


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Re: I'm a skag and bone man - September 8th 2009, 12:33 PM

Nice one. (:

Feel free to get in touch anytime.
Even if it's just for a random chat about anything to keep your mind off of things.
   
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Re: I'm a skag and bone man - September 11th 2009, 01:02 AM

Thanks a lot. I've gotten back into exercising a lot lately, again, and I think that's helping out a lot. And a got a few good marks in school that made me feel good... I think I can do it.


I love the name of honour more than I fear death.
   
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Re: I'm a skag and bone man - September 11th 2009, 01:57 AM

I'm so glad to hear that you're getting better, and you're gunna go for it . That is such a hard drug to quit, and it takes a lot of bravery to make that decision! I'm going to close this now based on the fact that you seem to have resolved the reason that you posted, however if you feel differently just PM me and I'll re-open it


Take care of yourself!
-Dylan.
   
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