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Name: Des
Age: 27
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Join Date: January 29th 2009

Afraid of relapse... - October 13th 2009, 06:55 AM

Hey everyone. It's been awhile since I was last on, and when I last tried to log on TH was off line...again lol... Anyways, since then I've had a lot go on.

My mom came out and told the family that for the past year she has been using Oxycodone. Hence why she hasn't been around and why we went hungry over the summer. But I digress. She has quit but is still going through shit. Which is expected. It's ironic that right after I quit the drugs I had gotten involved with she started her own. My dad also moved to a different city for employment at the beginning of summer.

So, I've taken up the role of "mom" since she can't be that right now. The role of "dad" since he's not here to do it himself and I'm in school full time still. The stress has been getting to me big time and I've been feeling the urge to use hardcore lately. I haven't felt this in a long time and it SUCKS. I want it so bad just 'cause I'm up at 7 at school for 9 get home at 4 clean, cook supper, take care of my mom, make sure my brother does his hw..... At least try and get him to do his hw. Then if I have any time left before I crash I try and get my hw done. If not I try and do it the next morning when I get up and on the bus. My dads home every other weekend so every other weekend I get a break... If me and my dad aren't fighting. I know I've put myself on the back burner and I shouldn't do it because I end up falling back into old habits. I don't want to get hooked on meth again, i don't want to do any drugs again, but everything is so much right now I just feel like I'm going insane!

I don't really know what I want from writing this, guess it's just good to get some of it out at least.

Anyways thanks for reading everyone, I've got school in the morning and am going to try and get some sleep since, even though you'd think with all the shit that I've got to wear me out sleep would come quickly but no, it seems insomnia loves me on the days I need sleep most. Isn't that the way it always works?

** I just realized I didn't put this in the right forum. Sorry and could a Mod please move this to the substance use forum please. Thanks.

Last edited by AddictionByNature; October 13th 2009 at 07:10 AM. Reason: wrong forum
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Katrina Offline
you only live once.
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Name: Katrina
Gender: Female
Location: New York.

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Re: Afraid of relapse... - October 13th 2009, 02:38 PM

Hey. Yeah, I'll move this to Substance Abuse. [: No worries.

I knew when I started reading I wasn't going to be sure of what to say, and I was right. Bummer - I'm not the best with Substance Abuse stuff, really. However, I can tell you that I really think you should try to take care of yourself - this happens to everyone; when people aren't taking care of themselves enough, they start slipping into (or back into) unhealthy habits, and yeah, it's just not good.

Is your mom working? Does she have any money to pay for some sort of nanny for your brother/the house so that you don't have to worry about taking care of him or cooking or anything? Yeah, it would be some extra money, but it might be worth it, and I'd definitely look into it if I were you - you're seventeen and in one of your last years of high school - you just don't have the time to be playing mom, dad, big sister, AND student.

But yeah, I really hope things work out for you, and I'll definitely send positive thoughts your way that you can refrain from the things that we both know will cause you great harm. Take good care of yourself.

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Ravie Offline
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Age: 28

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Re: Afraid of relapse... - October 14th 2009, 09:13 AM

I know how it is to question your sobriety. Ive been clean off of coke and meth for almost three years now. and every time i get realy bummed or something fucked up happens, yeah, it allways crosses my mind. but what you need to think about is how you will feel after the drugs wear off. your going to be disappointed in yourself wich leads to depression. the the depression is going to lead to you trying to "quick fix" with anything you can get ahold of....its a vicious downwards spiral. just think of how much easier it would be to find a more positive outlet instead? These days, if i'm realy stressed or high strung, even if i'm tired, i go for a run, i run as fast as i can until i cant run anymore. it not only helps with excess energy and stress but it gives you quiet time away from everyone to think and sort out your thoughts. just find your positive outlet. just try to make it something you do by yourself without electronics or people. i swear it helps.
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