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ThePunkAlien Offline
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Arrow It's beyond tempting again. - December 29th 2009, 07:54 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Anxiety has been at an all time high. I have a senior thesis that is seriously killing me. Panic attacks and everything. I just want to relax and let my mind wander for a couple of hours. That's all I need.

I used to use DXM at the beginning of last semester seeking relief after a serious psychological breakdown. Getting high was better than getting drunk, there was no drop after the fall. Overdosed on Bennadryll a while back ago, parents weren't that pleased about that. Lol. Told them I was through, but - I still crave it.

With everything weighing on me again now. School. Graduation looming. Panic attacks over getting the thesis together. I just seriously need a break and my mind is CENTERED on getting high. I crave just eight hours of pure bliss, having nothing on my mind chipping away at me. Right now only thing holding me back is my parents finding out (they'd kill me if they found out I'm still into over-the-counter drugs even after the near overdose). But, all I can think of is 'you need drugs to get by sometimes.' I'll probably find a way too, when they're sleeping or something. I don't know. Just the feeling, the need's getting worse.

Don't know why I type this, just a rant I guess. I'm just slipping.
   
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Re: It's beyond tempting again. - December 29th 2009, 08:12 PM

Hey Josh.

I'm sorry to hear about how tough things are for you but you really don't need drugs to get through. You'll get through this with a little encouragement from people.
I know there's little anyone can saty really if you wanna do it. Just don't feel you need to 'cause you don't. I'm only saying this as there's always that danger when you start again and that "maybe just one more time..." will just never stop and before you know it you'll be addicted. Which I doubt you want.

Hang in there love!
Everything'll work out!
Take care
- Helen


I'm medicated, how are you?

"Nothing's perfect but it has to be someday..."
-
Craig Owens

www.operationbeautiful.com <3

PM/VM me whenever
   
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ThePunkAlien Offline
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Re: It's beyond tempting again. - December 31st 2009, 05:32 PM

Thanks for the advice. Still falling. It's like my mind wasn't my own. I was overwhelmed with strain, went and raided my parents medicine cabinets to see if they had Vicodin or any other drug that I've heard of that can make you high. Either they have something and I just haven't heard of it - or they took extra precautions knowing my 'escape' methods.

EDIT: Just went and took inventory of the medication my parents have. Nothing in it can get me high. Either they don't trust me with the meds and they're hiding something good or they don't have anything. I just, need my fix - couple of hours, low stress - that's all I need. Just one.

Last edited by ThePunkAlien; December 31st 2009 at 05:44 PM.
   
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Re: It's beyond tempting again. - January 12th 2010, 10:08 PM

My ex bf was my best friend until he started using..."Just one" is something I heard from. "One more time..." is what I heard everytime. Eventually he needed a fix "One more time before I stop" almost everyday. Thats about the time I relized there is never a good excuse for using...including "Just one more time." My ex told me once, during a brief break from using (5 days) "One more time is something your brain tells you to escape the guilt over what your doing and to make it seems, OK, because your not going to do it anymore afterward, so why does it matter? But before you know it, you need just one more fix once again..."

Also, many others have gone through what you have. i started using over the counter and perscription drugs when i was 12. I stopped when I was 16. I suffer from sever depression and take nothing for it currently, due to my history of abuse. there are days that are so stressful and its so tempting...

honestly, I dont know if this is good advice, but take a couple advil pms or something and get a good nights sleep...I did this frequently in order to escape during my recovery...maybe not the best advice, but hey, just throwing it out there
   
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