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TibbySkye Offline
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Unhappy clean for a week and I gave in - January 31st 2009, 09:51 PM

*Marked triggering just in case*

For the past week I've been clean off of over the counter pills. My head has been clear, I've been happier. I finally kicked the habit. I thought..

All evening/night I hear "you've been good all week, just have some fun for one night" well, that's actually what I'm thinking. Kind of like fighting demons. So, I gave in. I didn't take a lot because since I've been pill free I knew it would hit me hard if I did. I'm kind of disappointed in myself but the buzz is kicking in.

I got weak. Am I falling back into it? I don't think so but I don't want to! Does this happen? If you've been clean has this happened to you?

Last edited by TibbySkye; February 1st 2009 at 11:44 AM.
   
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Re: clean for a week and I gave in - January 31st 2009, 09:53 PM

Tibby,

Everyone has some set backs. But taking one can lead to being addicted again. You will never truly "kick the habit", and definitely not after one week. You will have to make a choice, EVERY day for the rest of your life not to do drugs again. Don't beat yourself up over this but throw them all away now. Don't go back to them and stay strong.


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Re: clean for a week and I gave in - January 31st 2009, 10:51 PM

Going to second Brittney.

Everyone has relapses, but you should learn from this, and get rid of the pills. You're making a choice (and going to have to make a conscious effort not) to use drugs. Stay strong, Tibby. Throw them out, ok?


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Re: clean for a week and I gave in - January 31st 2009, 11:04 PM

Thanks Brittney and Edna. I will get rid of them. I actually did something to keep me away from them. My dad needs Benadryl for his allergies, it really works for him so we do have a box around. I was abusing pills when Heath Ledger died so when he died, it hit me hard. It effected me in a weird way. Whenever I see his face (other than the Joker) I get a knot in my stomach so I used that. I wrote his initials in red sharpy on my dad's box (asked him first of course and he liked the idea). Now whenever I see it, I feel awful. Tonight, however I found some I had forgotten about....

My counselor did tell me what Brittney said (I'll always be addicted) only in different words of course. Yesterday and the day before, I wanted them but was able to push that thought away. I guess I just broke tonight.
   
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Re: clean for a week and I gave in - January 31st 2009, 11:16 PM

I remember reading on the self help forums about a new way of counting clean days that I through was neat. Did you write it? Basically, instead of counting how many days in a row you're clean, count clean days over total days. That's like 6 for 7?

You're good Tibby, you're good and you're strong and everything you've been through makes you stronger. Do what works for you, and distract yourself with something meaningful. Like animals, I know you love your animals.


I am waylaid by Beauty. Who will walk
Between me and the crying of the frogs?

(My PM box is always open.. if I can't help you, I'll find someone who can)
   
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Re: clean for a week and I gave in - February 1st 2009, 11:36 AM

Hey hun. I just wanted to let you know, that the same thing kind of happened to me. It wasn't with drugs. But I gave into SH for the first time in two months.

Slip-ups will happen, but as long as you keep trying you're doing great! I hope things go well for you. Best of luck! <3
   
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Re: clean for a week and I gave in - February 1st 2009, 11:44 AM

Thanks Mystery!
That helps. I know SH it an addiction too. Two months is great though!
   
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