Triggering (Substances): A perfect hell, cravings

[ThePunkAlien]

I think Sum 41 summed it up best:

CAN'T RESIST. DON'T WANT TO. BELIEVE IT, I KNOW IT'S TRUE. CAN'T BEAT IT, DON'T WANT TO TRY. A PERFECT HELL. IT'S MORE TO ME THAN YOU EVER KNOW.

Basically I am yet again craving some Robo. I dread the day I took it to escape the pains of my cousin's death because I found hell and I found paradise all at the same time. Craving it is hell, feeling like you need it - hell, I am SERIOUSLY tripping out because I need some DXM right now and haven't had it in a while. Just fucking bored and I need some drugs to get me by. I need my drugs of choice - DXM. Haven't had it in a long time and I want that perfect paradise again.

I overdosed on benadryll once and had to get a shot, but that was benadryll - DXM is not like that. DXM, two bottles, you're set for seven hours. It's perfect, it's so - blissful and radical and brilliant and I mean... where's the harm in having just seven hours of pure bliss right? I know I shouldn't think this way - but god damn it I want it.

I can't right now because then my parents would find out. But, moving seven hours away by plane in two weeks. Got a drug-free roommate who I know will have an issue with me and DXM. But, got a whole year after that. What if I find a friend who I introduce to DXM and also likes it? What if I find someone who also seriously digs DXM? It's seven hours - take it on a night when I don't have the internship the next day or day after... where's the harm? I know. I'm messed up, god I'm fucked up - I just want it so badly. Maybe out of boredom, maybe because it's been a long time, maybe cause I feel so fucking depressed in my depressing town and house and need to break away... I don't know why I need it.... but cravings are hitting me big time making me question how much longer I can withhold. Might have also been a movie I watched recently where (not going to say, but famous actor I look up to - although playing a character) told another guy and convinces him to use cough syrup because it's effects are so fucking good - it's unbelievable... just have to try it to know.

Did it by accident, but I can't see the harm. There's something wrong in that right?

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EDIT: Looking back over this, just realize how out of it I sounded. Not high or drunk, just - I'm beyond embarrassed to admit this: when I feel the craving I kinda become like a blood hound sniffing it out because I need it. Still do. Still afraid. Ironically my cousin, same age as me, died last year from a drug over dose. I had to turn to drugs to escape her death and feeling like I should be dead instead of her. I'm somewhat over that, not entirely - have a script I have planned to try to move on. But, ironic and sad that to escape her drug overdose death (no one knew she was using), I turned to drugs and might again turn back to them because I'm seriously craving it. The craving comes and goes, but the only thing holding me back is my adoptive parents finding out my kryptonite and exams... take that away, I don't know if I'll manage when I have time off and just give in. Because, call me stupid, I still can't see the harm.

[ALLorNOTHINGforCHRIST]

It may seem like it's seven hours of fun but you need to realize that it is not all fun because you will come down from that high. Also you say what if you find a friend who likes it well what if you do not and he or she gets mad ect?

As for the cravings try taking a run outside or a stress ball these are healthy ways of dealing.

[Aaron,]

I tripped on [Edited by Keeley: Please refrain from posting mg numbers regarding misuse of substances.] of DXM monday night. I weigh [Edited by Keeley: Weight numbers are not allowed.]... (really skinny, incase that number gets edited out) I have to admit, it was fun at the start, but then I hit the upper 3rd plateau and started to get anxious it wouldn't end 8 hours later.

The next morning I had an afterglow, slept in, and then realized I had a mock trial/final exam at school that day. So I robowalked to school. Luckily a group a few people from my school happened by some miracle to be walking to school also...and they happened to be "druggies" ... DXM and all. SO I told them I was tripping...and they helped me with crossing streets.

I regret it, and it feels great to be sober...although like you...I want to go back into my own world full of closed eye hallucinations. DXM is my drug of choice as well, I do "dig" it very much, and I'm struggling with it also.

I want to be sober, but I crave it sometimes....

PM me sometime bro. I was thinking of making a DXM thread when I saw this. It really fucks up your brain, I was still slightly dizzy up until this morning.

Just as a precaution, and you probably already know this, (and note: I am not encouraging drug use) but anything with DXM and Acetaminophen...can be fatal in large amounts.