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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
thesungoesdown Offline
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Smoking - February 18th 2009, 03:55 PM

Okay, I'm really really confused at the moment. I don't know whether I should smoke or not. I know it's like really bad, but I keep getting second thoughts about it. It's like smoking is the new me, the new dangerous risky socially accepted me.

I was curious for quite a while, and then on the last day of term I was walking home and I got offered "bun" by three boys (A,B and C)who were walking into the woods (there's like a small wooded area behind the train station next to the school), probably as a joke I think. I didn't really know what it was at the time, but I worked it out roughly, and I was really sick of being the same old depressed me that I hate so much, and I had decided I had nothing to lose. Anyway I agreed but when we got there, I was given the choice between weed and normal fags, so I picked the one I thought was less dangerous. I ended up sharing one but I didn't really enjoy it that much.

So i got home, cleaned up and I was feeling pretty good, compared with how I was before. It was like I had more confidence, I could express myself easier.

One or two days later I started to crave it heavily, and I was so desperate I tried to contact them. Surprising what you can find out from the internet. Anyway, person A got to know me quite well on the internet, where I could pass off as a normal person but in real life I'm different because I'm self-conscious, and he's now one of the best mates I have. Anyway, I suppose that information doesn't belong here. Actually, I really have rambled on a lot about nothing here. Sorry I've wasted some of your time.

So basically the news that I started smoking went round the whole school because apparently people didn't think of as that sort of person. How people steriotype you when you disappear in self loathing. Aside from two people telling me that I shouldn't smoke, one of whom apparently had bad experiences with it, people gave me a lot more respect than I've ever felt in my life. I feel like if I quite now, I will lose all that respect. (I'm actually seeing people outside school, and to a loner like me that is something I don't want to throw away. I had people who I spent time with at school, but I certainly wasn't popular).

Having said this, not that many people in my year smoke, only like a third I think. I go to a pretty rich snooty private school where not much happens. There are plenty of people who are popular but don't smoke.

I also don't really enjoy it that much. It doesn't give me an awful lot, and I don't like being addicted to things. I worked really hard to get off self harm, and do I really want to throw that away? I don't really like hiding from my parents, and most of the time, I don't like the idea of dieing at the age of 30. It's also quite harsh on the throat, although that didn't happen last time, which leads me to believe maybe it was because I wasn't doing it properly until now. I also think I may be allergic to it, because I sometimes get this itch on the roof of my mouth. It's not bad, and it's only relaly there when I rub it with my tongue, but I don't like it.

So what should I do? Should I quit and pretend that I still smoke? Should I quit and tell people I've quit. Should I just keep smoking?

Thanks for reading, sorry I wrote a lot of irrelevent stuff
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Smoking - February 18th 2009, 04:04 PM

So you are only doing this because you think you get respect from your peers for doing it? Haven’t you even heard the saying “Would you jump off a bridge if they ask you to?” This could go right along that situation: would you jump off a bridge if they told you they would respect you more if you did? You need to do things for yourself, not other people. And when it comes down to it, they are not the one’s who have an increased chance of cancer. They are not the ones who are going to be having to pay the medical bills for chemo. They are not going to be laying at your hospital bed side. Its just going to be you and your extremely upset family.
You can not let people influence you into doing dangerous and potentially deadly things because they give you some sort of instant gratification when you do. You have to be bigger then that, you have to be more mature then that. You know what the right thing to do it, you are just justifying by saying you are getting respect from your friends. You have to make this decision on your own. I hope you make the right one.




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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Smoking - February 18th 2009, 06:15 PM

I don't mean to sound harsh when I say this but...
Why would you basically risk your life and put your health in jeopardy to look cool and be accepted? That is something I have always had a hard time understanding. Your social status means nothing compared with your health and your general well being. And frankly, smoking things like this to be looked at with respect is downright stupid.

But I guess what it all comes down to is that this is your choice - you can continue to smoke and risk getting cancer and all the other problems that can be possibly prevented if you didn't smoke, or you can decide not to and deal with your problems in a healthy risk-free way. And as far as I'm concerned the people who look at you and respect you for smoking or things such as drugs are not the kind of people who make the most pleasant friends.

But like I said, it's all up to you...





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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Smoking - February 18th 2009, 06:52 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzie View Post
So you are only doing this because you think you get respect from your peers for doing it? Haven’t you even heard the saying “Would you jump off a bridge if they ask you to?” This could go right along that situation: would you jump off a bridge if they told you they would respect you more if you did? You need to do things for yourself, not other people. And when it comes down to it, they are not the one’s who have an increased chance of cancer. They are not the ones who are going to be having to pay the medical bills for chemo. They are not going to be laying at your hospital bed side. Its just going to be you and your extremely upset family.
You can not let people influence you into doing dangerous and potentially deadly things because they give you some sort of instant gratification when you do. You have to be bigger then that, you have to be more mature then that. You know what the right thing to do it, you are just justifying by saying you are getting respect from your friends. You have to make this decision on your own. I hope you make the right one.
My thoughts as well.


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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Smoking - February 18th 2009, 07:49 PM

In all honesty, I, and probably a lot of people, would have more respect for you if you did what you wanted for YOU and not for anyone else. Quitting would show strength and nonconformism; self-righteousness, a trait so lacking in today's society. Be YOU not what other's want you to be.


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Smoking - February 18th 2009, 08:09 PM

Well, to be honest, I am sick of having "nonconformism". I have been sick of myself for a long time now. By the time I'm 50 I will have realized there is nothing for me. I'm nothing special. I'm not going to advance the human race. I'm not even going to get married to someone who I'm in love with and understands my feelings. And if I do, then the relationship will go the same way all relationships between people like me do. Frankly, by that age I will realize that there is no hope for me.

I can't go on living like I do now. I worked hard to quit self harm but now I regret even bothering. My whole life is a waste of time, a waste of space. I really couldn't care if I die of cancer. Maybe it would be an adventure.

Oh, and I'm sick of being "self-righteous". That hasn't got me anywhere in my life. I don't even know what "self" even means any more.

I've had non-conformism for much of my life. It hasn't got me any where. All it has done is made me realize that this world has nothing to stand on. I'm really quite sick of being "me". I've wanted to be someone else for so long. Is that too much to ask. I'm sick of being "mature", "bigger". None of this is gonna help me get through the day, and these unbearable feelings.


Well, I suppose I'm going off topic.

And thanks for your advice, it's actually very good. Shame my life won't improve either way so I suppose it doesn't matter.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Smoking - February 19th 2009, 01:59 AM

I'm probably repeating everything everyone else said, but I'll say it anyway...

I don't really understand why you need other people's advice on this. It's pretty well-known that doing things JUST to be accepted is mostly frowned upon.

If you like the effects(maybe I didn't read something right, but I'm unsure about where substance you decided to smoke and if you enjoyed it or not) then just weigh the pros and cons like you would for any other situation.

It's absolutely crucial to know the facts, and the facts only. Don't listen to various propaganda that everyone is so eager to put out. Look for a source that lists the good AND the bad. If you come across a source that only says how easy it will kill you, don't listen. If you come across a source that only says how amazing and fun and enjoyable it is, don't listen. It will be difficult and will take some time, but it will, obviously, be beneficial for you in the end. Excuse me for not providing you with a good source myself.

Personally, I don't smoke cigarettes. Note the intentional italics. I enjoy not smoking cigarettes because it's fun, makes life more interesting(Not necessarily a good reason, but it is a reason), improves my creativity, and helps to create a bond with some very special, albeit strange, people. I'm fully aware of the damage I'm doing to my body. My respiratory system isn't all that great to begin with. It is worth it, FOR ME.

I don't smoke cigarettes(no italics), because tobacco, in my eyes, is very, for lack of a better word, stupid. That rush that everyone seems to enjoy makes me severely nauseous, it tastes very disgusting, and I'm not too keen on supporting the tobacco industry. And then you have the addictiveness, the risk of injuring other people with second hand smoke, and the rest of the list of health problems.

As for your most recent reply, you definitely have a "problem" that goes beyond whether or not you should smoke or not. Ironically, you have come to some of the same conclusions as I have. To be frank(and I mean absolutely NO offense to you), it's true. Not just for you, but for me, and most of the rest of the world. It's what makes life so trivial and so... illogical, I guess. Getting help for a problem like ours takes more than a ton of work, and other people will be little to no help at all. I'm more than certain that it's human nature for people(yes, me too) to want you to do what they want you to do (obviously). It will be torturous, frustrating, life-sucking, and all-around just horrible, but YOU have figure out YOUR OWN views of life. However you do this is acceptable. In time, you will find reasons to live, and probably some more reasons to not live.

The important to realize is that YOU HAVE FREE WILL!!!! YOU CAN "STAND UP" FOR THE THINGS YOU BELIEVE IN, AND THERE'S NOT ONE SINGLE THING ANYONE CAN DO ABOUT IT!!!!!! As much of a cliche as this might sound, look at Rosa Parks. Yes, there will be obstacles and you may not make it over these obstacles, but as long you are upholding your values, you've succeeded in life.

About you not wanting to be 'non-conforming' anymore, really does it make sense to want to conform? I PROMISE you, conforming will be much more negative to your feeling of purpose of life. Conforming will turn you into an empty shell that will constantly be obsessed with what other people think. And if your attempts to conform aren't successful, you will feel a lot worse than you do know.

That's all I got. I hope you read it, but if you don't, I understand, it's long and I tend to rant.

Good luck!
-Monotony


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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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February 19th 2009, 03:50 PM

Thanks for the advice. I know what you mean about the conformism issue, but I'm already obsessed with what people think. I can't help being like that, I just feel that I need to make an impression on other people if I can't make a good impression on myself.

I'm probably going off topic here on my own thread, sorry.

Thanks for the advice. I know what you mean about the conformism thing, but I judge myself on what other people think of me already. Whenever I'm in a social situation I'm so scared of messing up. I'm probably going off topic here, but I can't help being stressed out by trying to make people think of me better than I think of myself. It's like if I quit now they will think I "chickened out" and will probably think I only started for attention, and now I'm "chickening out". I don't really feel like many people have pressured me to smoke, but now the rumour has gone round everywhere I don't want to disappoint them by showing them the same old me.

I'm probably just whining over the same old things here and not listening to your advice probably, so sorry.

Last edited by Lizzie; February 20th 2009 at 05:25 PM. Reason: Merge
   
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Re: Smoking - February 20th 2009, 04:18 PM

Lol sweetheart you have the completely wrong idea of smoking. Smoking does not in any way, shape or form make you socially accepted or bring out the rebel in you. It's just nicotine. That is the number one reason why you should NOT smoke.
   
  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Smoking - February 23rd 2009, 01:48 AM

For me, it came down to smoking or self-harm. Long story aside, I'm growing a nicotine addiction by now. I'm stealing smokes from my friends' parents, hoping whenever I meet new friends that they or their parents smoke. I have to sneak outside while my parents go walking or into town and then drench myself in febreze to cover it up, burning incense constantly in my room to have an excuse for the smoky smell... It's not pleasant. If it's not even something you like, I definately wouldn't encourage it.
   
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Re: Smoking - February 23rd 2009, 09:49 PM

Well, considering there are countless people out there are trying to QUIT smoking....Why would you start smoking, and repeat mistakes of others past?

Plus, read the surgeon general's warning. That guy knows what hes talking about.
   
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Re: Smoking - February 27th 2009, 04:49 PM

Look you'll probably all laugh at me for this, but I'm going to say it anyway...

I think a person does define who you are, certain people will smoke because of the way in which they react to society around them. As a current non smoker, and a never smoker I have limited experience, but I do find that I can meet a girl, get to know her, like her and then find out she smokes. I guess if I did smoke my opinion of her would be different, but all I'm saying is is the area I live in isn't full of smokers, there are a few, but it seems to be the girls that smoke I fall for, whether there's a link to this or not, I don't know.

I'd love to smoke, but theres one thing stopping me, and thats my mum, and I won't smoke because she wouldn't like it, but I think if I were to get with someone who did smoke my attitude might change...



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  (#13 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Smoking - February 27th 2009, 08:30 PM

^^^Joel: interesting

I have plenty of ehm... on-the-fringe friends who do much worse than smoke. On smoking all I can say is that it's not so much that it's "bad", most things are "bad" to a certain extent. It's a waste. A waste of time, money and life. Think of all of your life wasted at the back of the pub trying to evade teachers. Just don't bother, you can both rebel and belong in better ways.
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Re: Smoking - March 2nd 2009, 04:29 AM

yes you could quit from smoking habit. it effect your lungs. Probably you would leave this.
   
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Re: Smoking - March 2nd 2009, 04:43 AM

It makes me really sad to think that you are smoking just out of the need to conform because like everyone I've felt that need to conform because sometimes that just seems SO much easier than the alternative, but after getting out of h.s. I was just like oh wait why did I spend so much of my life giving into what my stupid classmates thought!

That being said, I've also known SO many people who started smoking in h.s. for the same reasons, and it wasn't until a couple years later that they realized how bad it was... and how hard it was to stop. Addiction really is a hard thing to break! So, I'd say, try to stop now. Chances are that in a couple years you will eventually realize that you are a strong enough, awesome enough person on your own that you don't need to conform to what everyone else thinks. But at that point, you'll already be physically hooked on smoking (yes, it's a very physical thing as well as mental) and then it will be so much harder to stop!

My suggestion? Ditch the smokes and try to find other ways to start figuring out what makes you feel happy and complete. I guess it all will really come from inside you, but I know what worked for me was writing in a diary a lot, trying to spend a lot of time in nature (amazing what a long walk in the woods will do for you), and maybe finding some other ways to otherwise take a break from the rest of the world. I think someone said this earlier but when it comes down to it, in a couple years you're going to be with completely different groups of people. Who will you want to be then? Something that people in you h.s. forced you to become, or the person that you chose to be?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
   
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Re: Smoking - March 2nd 2009, 12:37 PM

Try to find something else that you like that can make you "fit in". Smoking isnt the answer. If I had my time back, I never would have had that first smoke.


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Re: Smoking - March 2nd 2009, 12:52 PM

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Originally Posted by thesungoesdown View Post
I really couldn't care if I die of cancer. Maybe it would be an adventure.
I don't want to sound like i'm bitching at you, but cancer is NOT some exciting adventure, and to be honest as a cancer patient i find it quite insulting that you would say that. If you had five minutes of chemo i guarantee it would put you off smoking.

Anyways. Smoking to be cool or "socially accepted" is the biggest load of rubbish i've ever heard. I don't know who you've been talking to, but actually around my friends and the people i socialise with, smokers are pretty much seen as disgusting. Times seem to have changed a lot lately, and smoking is becoming something people look down upon, not something that makes you look cool.


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Re: Smoking - March 8th 2009, 10:12 PM

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Originally Posted by xxEllexx View Post
I don't want to sound like i'm bitching at you, but cancer is NOT some exciting adventure, and to be honest as a cancer patient i find it quite insulting that you would say that. If you had five minutes of chemo i guarantee it would put you off smoking.

Anyways. Smoking to be cool or "socially accepted" is the biggest load of rubbish i've ever heard. I don't know who you've been talking to, but actually around my friends and the people i socialise with, smokers are pretty much seen as disgusting. Times seem to have changed a lot lately, and smoking is becoming something people look down upon, not something that makes you look cool.
Exactly...pardon my manner but...how could you say that? What about all the people who actually suffer from cancer? Have you ever even thought about what that might *feel* like?

Last edited by CageCardinal; March 9th 2009 at 10:07 PM.
   
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