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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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College = Drinking.... - March 14th 2011, 07:39 AM

People are interested when they come to find out that I am a good girl no sex, no drugs, no alcohol ever. Then they proceed on to say Iím lying well why I am continuing on living this way if people are just going to assume another. Iím reconsidering my lifestyle and maybe itís time to begin living and not being so stressed and think about every little detail. I understand drinking underage is illegal and my brain hasnít developed completely yet but my friends are fine and I can be fine for one night with them.... Confused and seeking advice any would be lovely
   
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Re: College = Drinking.... - March 14th 2011, 08:29 AM

Hey-

When you're not drinking or using any drugs, you're doing it for yourself. Who cares what others think you do? You know what the truth is, and people who are truly your friends will believe you as well. Also, in college, especially the first year or so (I don't know how old you are/what grade, but yeah) people just assume college is about partying and that everyone does it. And it's not true. I know a lot of people who don't do drugs or drink, but can even still hang out at a party sober.

I actually had a conversation today with a sober coworker of mine, who has been saying as a teenager she has trouble meeting people since she stopped using. But that's so not true, you still can meet people, you just have to find the right people. You can go to a party sober. Offer to be the designated driver for your friends if you can drive, because then you have to stay sober or you're risking you and your friends lives. If you still need to meet more people, if that's even an issue to you, join a club you're interested in, ask someone you've talked to or seen for a while to lunch.

If you haven't seen people drunk before, I suggest you go to a party first and watch other people while you're sober. People are so freaking stupid. I even look at my friends sometimes and look at them under an entirely different light. Being around drunk people is really like babysitting, probably harder.

If you do choose to drink, make sure you're safe. Please. And decide if the risk of getting caught is worth it to you. My mom made me look up the underage drinking laws and what happens in my state if you get caught, and I think it was really helpful for me to decide if I would risk that much in my life for one night. You may think it's worth it, or you may not. Make SURE you have a sober driver or someway to get home. Have a number for a cab ready just in case. And realize that MANY people when they say they'll drive you home, will take a couple of shots or drink a beer, especially in the college seen. I've had people pass out when they were supposed to be driving later. So make sure to really trust the person, or have a back up plan.
And make sure you're partying with people you trust. I'm assuming if you got alcohol poisoning, you'd want friends who won't be too scared to get in trouble and would call an ambulance. And make sure you have a buddy you can trust watching out for you. Sometimes you get a lot drunker than you intended (Or as drunk as you intended) and you do really really stupid things. You don't want to wonder off and get lost and already have dropped your phone an hour before.

Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble. But hopefully this was helpful in some way. And I hope you make the decision that's best for you. =)
Maria.



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Re: College = Drinking.... - March 14th 2011, 08:58 AM

Hey sweetie,
Maria is right. You're doing this for yourself. Not for anyone else. So you really shouldn't care about what others think. If they really were your friends,they'd understand who you are, and won't think you're lying or any such thing when you tell them something.

You may think that nothing happens to your friends and that it's okay. But it's not. You may not see the effects now, but in the long run, it ruins your liver and you'll have some major problems to deal with if you start at such a young age, and become addicted to it.
Many people say they won't get addicted, but do you want to take a chance by trying? What if you do and you can't stop it? Ask yourself these questions, and consider how you want yourself to be.
Just be careful, and remember, you are what you are, and no one can change that but you.


Take care
pm/vm me if you want to talk or need anything! <3


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Re: College = Drinking.... - March 14th 2011, 10:16 AM

I've been at College for a while now, in a country where binge-drinking is particularly bad. I live in a Halls of Residence with three hundred other students (And where I live, we ARE legal to drink alcohol).

I've not touched alcohol or any other substance.
There has been no promiscuous sex.
People walk into my room, and they see it's kept spartan and perfectly tidy.
I watch my manners around ladies.
I eat healthy food.
I dress tidily.

People ask me, "Why?", and I say "Because I am disciplined."

Once you get past the crowd of dickhead party animals - most people are suitably impressed if you stick to your guns and refuse alcohol. Don't second guess yourself - you are not doing anything wrong. Go against the flow if you have to. Don't let anybody push you into doing something you don't want to. If the people there just aren't really your scene, find a new scene. If it doesn't exist, make it.

Once the parties are all over, and real life sets in, you'll be the one standing above the rest. Stick to it.

Good luck

- Duty
   
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Re: College = Drinking.... - March 14th 2011, 10:44 AM

Hey there,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through a confused stage right now but it's great to see that you have reached out and posted this thread to get advice and support from the people here and hopefully we're able to give you that advice and support to make you feel a little less confused and a little more comfortable.

I agree with everyone else who has said that the decisions in life that you have made, you have made purely for yourself and nobody else. At the end of the day, you'll never be able to please everyone with the decisions that you make in life and therefore you should make decisions that make you happy and you comfortable because you're the person who has to wake up in your own body every single day and face the life that you live. While there will be people who question the way that you live and the rules that you decide to live by, there will also be people who absolutely accept and supporting your life choices and they're the kinds of people that you want to keep around you. If this is the way that you want to live then don't let anyone else keep you from living this life any other way because it's yours to do with what you please.

If you would like to talk further or anything then feel free to PM or VM me whenever as I'm always more than happy to talk or help where I can. I really hope that I have been able to help you in one way or another.

Take care and stay strong!





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Re: College = Drinking.... - March 14th 2011, 11:31 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Duty View Post
I've been at College for a while now, in a country where binge-drinking is particularly bad. I live in a Halls of Residence with three hundred other students (And where I live, we ARE legal to drink alcohol).

I've not touched alcohol or any other substance.
There has been no promiscuous sex.
People walk into my room, and they see it's kept spartan and perfectly tidy.
I watch my manners around ladies.
I eat healthy food.
I dress tidily.

People ask me, "Why?", and I say "Because I am disciplined."

Once you get past the crowd of dickhead party animals - most people are suitably impressed if you stick to your guns and refuse alcohol. Don't second guess yourself - you are not doing anything wrong. Go against the flow if you have to. Don't let anybody push you into doing something you don't want to. If the people there just aren't really your scene, find a new scene. If it doesn't exist, make it.

Once the parties are all over, and real life sets in, you'll be the one standing above the rest. Stick to it.

Good luck

- Duty
Theres alot wrong with those post and it reeks of "holier than thou" thinking.

The first thing is you group everyone together as one, you automatically assume that someone who drink's is gonna have a messy room, a shitty attitude to people and eat bad food? I really don't get that.

No you aren't more "disciplined" maybe than the spine-less people who only drink because others do. In fact, someone who manages to drink/smoke/whatever responsibly at a young age shows tremendous character, and could be considered "more disciplined" than someone who stays sober.


Another thing, No, he won't be standing above the rest, because you assume everyone who drinks and shit fails. Once again not true.

Once you start looking at it as "oh, i'm better because I don't drink" you instantly become worse than the people who drink even just to fit in. Period.


To OP, stick to your guns, who cares what other people say, and you don't even know if you will like alcohol in the first place.
   
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Re: College = Drinking.... - March 15th 2011, 12:32 AM

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Quote:
Theres alot wrong with those post and it reeks of "holier than thou" thinking.
I'd disagree with both statements. I've given you my opinion and thinking, and you've labelled it as a "Holier than thou" attitude. Firstly, what you are describing is called "arrogance", and you are calling me arrogant for believing that I am a better person for not consuming alcohol and drugs. Yes, then I am arrogant. I believe I am a better person because I have kept myself on the straight and narrow.

Quote:
The first thing is you group everyone together as one, you automatically assume that someone who drink's is gonna have a messy room, a shitty attitude to people and eat bad food? I really don't get that.
No, of course you don't get that. Maybe if you spent less time doing funnels and more time doing some study you might be intelligent enough to notice that I had separated all my points into individual lines. I don't assume that anybody who drinks is going to have a shitty attitude and a messy room - I listed several different things that I do. They are individual and independent points.

Quote:
No you aren't more "disciplined" maybe than the spine-less people who only drink because others do. In fact, someone who manages to drink/smoke/whatever responsibly at a young age shows tremendous character, and could be considered "more disciplined" than someone who stays sober.
Responsibly. Key word. There's two ways to not ending up comatose on the side of the road - and thats to drink responsibly, or don't drink at all. If you genuinely believe (from your own experiences) that the vast majority of teenagers who drink do so responsibly, then you are beyond ignorant. For the most part, I choose not to drink (It does happen, but maybe once or twice a year) and I maintain that. There are plenty of people who drink responsibly, and thats fine.

I'm open to hearing about your experiences around dealing with intoxicated people. Namely,
- Assaults
- Sexual Violence (Assaults and rapes)
- Car Accidents
- Self Harm
- Accidental injury/death
- Theft/Dishonesty/Vandalism

Ever been in a situation where somebody has had too much to drink, gets depressed and decides to stand on a road and slice themselves open with a blade?

What about the dude who stumbled onto the road and got hit by the drunk driver doing 130kmph? Even seen a guy hit with so much force he is turned inside out and plastered around a powerpole?

Even followed drunk drivers across motorways? What do you think two large, heavy pieces of aluminium do to each other at high speed? It's a right bloody mess.

I'm thinking the answers to all the above will be "No". In which case, piss off and come back when you've got something to back up what you're saying.

So many people seem to fuck up the meaning of the word "Responsibly" and they end up dead, injured or mentally scarred for life. So many people make it home in one piece and just take it for granted that everything in the world is all alright. I choose not to drink - and I'll stick by that. I have sound reasons behind my decisions, not just "I guess this makes me better than you".

Quote:
Another thing, No, he won't be standing above the rest, because you assume everyone who drinks and shit fails. Once again not true.
No, but there's a general trend there that those who drink more tend to be worse off. If you're one of the statistical outlyers, then good for you. Maybe I'll elaborate on what I said, so you can better understand. I stay sober, and that usually makes me the guy who others can be with and trust to keep them safe. See what I mean, and standing above the rest? Usually, it's the sober guy who has his shit together. Not always, but it's a general trend.

Quote:
Once you start looking at it as "oh, i'm better because I don't drink" you instantly become worse than the people who drink even just to fit in. Period.
I'm better because I have my shit together. Come back when you've got something of substance to back up your argument.

Sorry to turn this into a "anti-alcohol" argument. There are plenty of exceptions to what I'm saying. By and large, most people have their alcohol drinking under control. But a lot of people don't. What I'm saying to the OP is, you will be better off (Generally speaking) at College if you don't drink.

Each to their own.

Stay safe,

- Duty
   
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Re: College = Drinking.... - March 15th 2011, 01:57 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Duty View Post
WARNING: TRIGGERS



I'd disagree with both statements. I've given you my opinion and thinking, and you've labelled it as a "Holier than thou" attitude. Firstly, what you are describing is called "arrogance", and you are calling me arrogant for believing that I am a better person for not consuming alcohol and drugs. Yes, then I am arrogant. I believe I am a better person because I have kept myself on the straight and narrow.

Keep thinking that you are, but you really aren't.

No, of course you don't get that. Maybe if you spent less time doing funnels and more time doing some study you might be intelligent enough to notice that I had separated all my points into individual lines. I don't assume that anybody who drinks is going to have a shitty attitude and a messy room - I listed several different things that I do. They are individual and independent points.

I don't drink, so nice try with the "insult", and when you list things that you do in a thread about drinking, referring to the fact that you DON'T drink, its pretty likely that you are listing that you do things because you don't drink, implying that drinker would do it.

Responsibly. Key word. There's two ways to not ending up comatose on the side of the road - and thats to drink responsibly, or don't drink at all. If you genuinely believe (from your own experiences) that the vast majority of teenagers who drink do so responsibly, then you are beyond ignorant. For the most part, I choose not to drink (It does happen, but maybe once or twice a year) and I maintain that. There are plenty of people who drink responsibly, and thats fine.
90% of people who drink never end up comatose on the side of the road, so stop using extremes as examples. If you said puking over a toilet, I might agree.
In your case, using extremes as examples is incredibly ignorant, and is like saying all strong supporters of Islam are terrorists. No, not even close to majority of drinkers end up comatose.



I'm open to hearing about your experiences around dealing with intoxicated people. Namely,
- Assaults (People get rowdy when drunk, usually something leads to violence, it doesn't just happen for no reason)
- Sexual Violence (Assaults and rapes) (maybe, but chances are only at parties, and can be avoided if you are responsible)
- Car Accidents (this one I'll give you, drinking and driving is NEVER acceptable)
- Self Harm (not common)
- Accidental injury/death (not common enough to be used as a point, you can say this about anything)
- Theft/Dishonesty/Vandalism

Ever been in a situation where somebody has had too much to drink, gets depressed and decides to stand on a road and slice themselves open with a blade?
Once, again, using an extreme as an example.

And guess what the only situation I've ever been in with someone who was suicidal was a completely sober. So once again, moot point because you are using an extreme as a point.


What about the dude who stumbled onto the road and got hit by the drunk driver doing 130kmph? Even seen a guy hit with so much force he is turned inside out and plastered around a powerpole?
Once again, extremes. And I'm willing to bet most drunk driving accidents the person isn't a teenager.

Even followed drunk drivers across motorways? What do you think two large, heavy pieces of aluminium do to each other at high speed? It's a right bloody mess.
Why are you stupid enough to follow a drunk driver on a motor way?

I'm thinking the answers to all the above will be "No". In which case, piss off and come back when you've got something to back up what you're saying.

So many people seem to fuck up the meaning of the word "Responsibly" and they end up dead, injured or mentally scarred for life. So many people make it home in one piece and just take it for granted that everything in the world is all alright. I choose not to drink - and I'll stick by that. I have sound reasons behind my decisions, not just "I guess this makes me better than you".
You don't have sound reasons, you have extremes that aren't common occurances with teenage drinking.

No, but there's a general trend there that those who drink more tend to be worse off. If you're one of the statistical outlyers, then good for you. Maybe I'll elaborate on what I said, so you can better understand. I stay sober, and that usually makes me the guy who others can be with and trust to keep them safe. See what I mean, and standing above the rest? Usually, it's the sober guy who has his shit together. Not always, but it's a general trend.
I disagree, if those who drink were worse off you would have much higher fail rates in college/high school, considering thats when the horrible alchohol is taking its victims most. If most people drank close to irresponsibly then most unis/colleges would have much higher fail/drop out rates.


I'm better because I have my shit together. Come back when you've got something of substance to back up your argument.
clearly you don't have your "shit together" considering you can't use common occurrences with Drunk teenagers, you only use extremes.

Sorry to turn this into a "anti-alcohol" argument. There are plenty of exceptions to what I'm saying. No, what you are saying ARE the exceptions. By and large, most people have their alcohol drinking under control. But a lot of people don't. What I'm saying to the OP is, you will be better off (Generally speaking) at College if you don't drink.

Each to their own.

Stay safe,

- Duty
So, if you can come back and use examples that are actually relevent.

Most teenagers who over drink puke and pass out, wake up in the morning and say "damn I fucked up, this head ache is a bitch"

I'm not going to respond to you, because you can't use normal arguments when it comes to teenage drinking. You sound like a D.A.R.E book to be honest.

Last edited by mIssIng:nO; March 15th 2011 at 02:06 AM.
   
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Re: College = Drinking.... - March 15th 2011, 03:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by mIssIng:nO View Post
Why are you stupid enough to follow a drunk driver on a motor way?
Because it was the best way to stop him from killing someone.

The above quote illustrates how different our mindsets are. Go back to being a sheep, I'll go back to being a sheepdog.

Nothing else to add.

- Duty
   
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Re: College = Drinking.... - March 15th 2011, 03:11 AM

You know what, don’t feel stressed or pressured into drinking, sex or drugs. The sad thing is anyone who drinks or does drugs wishes they didn’t. Often times a lot of people who commonly drink at parties can’t have fun without that substance, you can! With that been said there’s a fun responsible line which is considered acceptable. Social drinking is perfectly normal and it is entirely harmless. People who booze till they cant stand straight have a problem and it’s harder to reverse that then not to get into the habit to start with.

I’d draw the line at 1-4 drinks in a night as social drinking, depending on your tolerance. As far as drugs go don’t even think about trying them. What you don’t know, won’t hurt you. Drugs including pot all have their downsides anyone who argues otherwise is foolish to say the least. I’ve tried a few things in the past that changed who I was as a person. I can say first hand it’s not worth it. Not only do drugs destroy your personality and your body but your family gets hit just as hard, so becuse of your iglect all the people you care about suffer for your misakes, which is the worst feeling in my opionion. Don't get into it and you'll have nothing to worry about.

Sex is something that will come in time, don’t let age be a factor in your disicsion. Once you fined someone you genuinely care about it’ll all come together, don’t get used by some trash bag loser that doesn’t care about you. Unfortunately that’s a mistake half your friends have made. Fortunately you aren’t your friends nor do you think like them therefore you-need-to-do-you. Make your own trail and follow your own heart. You need to stop worrying about what “They” think about you or what “They” are doing.

You’ll be fine, use your head and stay safe. Remember you don’t have to live in a ball either.

Good Luck!

Last edited by Ryan1; March 15th 2011 at 11:06 PM.
   
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Re: College = Drinking.... - March 15th 2011, 05:38 AM

There's plenty of time to experiment once you are 21.

I'm 19 and have been in college since September. I have not drank - with the exception of a sip of one my friend's drinks; I don't have sex; I don't smoke. I'm your typical 'good girl.'

Don't do anything you're going to eventually regret. Yeah, yeah, they say you need to 'live' and 'experiment.' I'll never smoke, and I don't care what anyone says. Also, I'll never get a tattoo. I'm perfectly fine with being a 'good girl.'

There's nothing wrong with having a drink or two once you're of the legal age. When I go to Mexico, I'll probably have a drink or two, but I don't see my self ever abusing it.

As for having sex, that's something that should be reserved for two people who truly love each other. I'm not necessarily talking marriage, which would be the ideal situation. Don't have sex with someone you couldn't see yourself spending the rest of your life with. That's my philosophy.

Heck, I went to New Orleans a couple weeks ago, where all of my over-21 friends were buying alcohol and offering to buy me drinks. I could have EASILY gotten drunk with them. But did I? No. It was the first time (even since going to college) that I felt pressured to drink. But I didn't. And my friends respected me for that.


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Re: College = Drinking.... - March 15th 2011, 05:38 AM

I do not drink, smoke, do drugs, or have sex (waiting for the right guy). Anyways, I have never felt pressure once until I joined a certain club at college where there is *some* pressure to go to parties (NOT to drink, smoke, do drugs, or have sex). As long as YOU are comfortable with it, screw everyone else. Who the fuck cares what they do or what they say to you or think of you. Finding some friends who also choose to make similar decisions as you do can also help if you do feel pressured and want to stay away from that pressure.

I general though, I feel largely unaffected by the drinking culture. Sometimes it just takes time to "be okay" with yourself and your choices.

I'm ALWAYS here if you want to talk as I am going through it myself and have had some points where I've thought, "It would be so much easier just to drink right now"


   
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Re: College = Drinking.... - March 15th 2011, 06:09 AM

Thanks everyone for your insight. I need to become more self confident in my choices and I already have a group of friends that support my descions and a loving bf of 4 years. I guess I just want to explore a bit I'm in my second year of college and one drink with my girl friends not at a party wont put me in any danger. I need to stick to my guns as you mentioned. Ive been to many parties but being the driver always is great to keep my friends and me safe but having all the responsiblity all the time is a VERY heavy load.
   
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Re: College = Drinking.... - March 15th 2011, 06:13 AM

The above two posts are quite right. As long as you are comfortable with who you are and what you want to do, that's all that matters. The only thing I'd suggest is, do something, because you want to and not because other people tell you to. And remember that there is always a choice. You can have friends who drink and smoke, but you don't necessarily have to do it too.

And also, yeah, we should experiment, but we don't have to experiment if we know the bad effects of it. I mean, you hear from so many people how something happened to them because the got drunk or they we tripping, or whatever. That's their experimentation. You don't necessarily have to get into these activities to know stuff like that. Learn from the experiences of others too.

The decision is ultimately yours, true. But consider everything before making that decision. And, please, don't do drugs or smoke. Alcohol addiction to an extent be help easy (but please don't become one) but drug and tobacco addiction, gawwd, it's horrible to get out of. My dad still can't stop smoking, eventhough he knows how bad it is for him and even when he wants to stop knowing how badly it affects us, it just doesn't happen. I just don't want you to get to such a point. Weigh your decisions and then make them.

Take care of yourself <3


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In a world that she can't rise above.
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

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As wild and as reckless as thunder over the land.
Racing with the eagle, soaring with the wind.
Flying? There were times I believed I could."




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