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I don't want history to repeat itself - March 24th 2011, 02:06 AM

I've recently met a really nice guy, he's sweet... he does all the things you expect and more.
He doesn't have regular work right now so I understand he's bored. But instead of going out there and looking for something more permanent and stable he goes out and spends his time in the pub.
Not to say he's constantly drunk, because he isn't but he has 9/10 had a drink that day.
He know's I don't agree with it.
Tonight he was in such a state I had to send a friend up to the toilet to check on him, and he was found with his jeans round his ankles, fallen asleep on the toilet.
I think he's starting to understand that this needs to stop. My ex had a drink problem and I can't go through the same again, I can't have drunken abuse shouted at me, I can't have arguments with a drunk person. I need him to stay sober otherwise I am gone... I can't put up with it.
He's a really nice guy and that's the worst part about it, other than this he is perfect.
What do I say to get through to him?
   
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Re: I don't want history to repeat itself - March 25th 2011, 06:38 PM

Its his choice if he wants to drink, not yours.

Saying that, try and give him reasons to do other things, spend time with you, etc.

Because straight up saying "You can't drink or I am gone" is completely selfish.
   
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Re: I don't want history to repeat itself - March 28th 2011, 05:23 PM

Talk to him, about your experiences in the past with your ex and how you're worried about him. If he really cares he'll make he effort to change his ways. Maybe try not ruling out the pub completely, just set a limit of once or twice a week, that way it will be more of a social event for him as opposed to going there out of boredom. Compromise. And maybe you could help him with finding a more permanent job as well. Some people need that extra kick up the backside from someone else when it comes to finding work. You don't have to hold his hand just get a few application forms printed out for him or something.

He should understand your point of view, remember to listen to what he has to say as well. Hope you manage find a solution!
   
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