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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
mr_null Offline
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My friend is going to end up dead and he doesn't care. - January 9th 2009, 07:13 PM

Hello all,

I have a friend (18) who for some time has been an alcoholic to the point of drinking every day before and after school. He is quite open about his habit and doesn't really give a fuck that he's messing his liver and brain up.

Recently he has moved on to cocaine and has become addicted. He had a near-death experience after doing a pretty substantial amount of cocaine one night (10 lines), but said that he didn't care if he died.

He obviously does not want help, and I am not going to try and force help upon him. He is old enough to make his own decisions and if he really wants to keep doing all the hard drugs he does I won't try to stop him. I do want to tell him that I think what he's doing is fucking retarded and that there are many better ways to die.

I was going to straight up tell him that he needs to get his shit together and stop being retarded, but thought I would consult the teenhelp crowd first.

Suggestions?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My friend is going to end up dead and he doesn't care. - January 9th 2009, 07:37 PM

You can't help someone who doesn't want the help. You can talk to him until you go blue in the face and it won't change a thing. But, if you want to try to help him, I'd suggest a group of people confront him; maybe add his parents too. Good luck.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My friend is going to end up dead and he doesn't care. - January 9th 2009, 07:42 PM

Uhhhh. Putting myself in his shoes, I'd imagine he'd be quite pissed if you confronted him so directly about it. I can relate since a large portion of my friends use drugs, I still smoke weed and drink my booze. I still have reasons to live, so I have no need to do it that much.

I think the best start would be to ask him why he doesn't care if he dies? He most likely won't get mad, and maybe he decides to share his troubles, then you just need to talk to him.
   
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Re: My friend is going to end up dead and he doesn't care. - January 9th 2009, 08:15 PM

While it might be difficult, I would recommend that you report him to the authorities in order that they might compel him to stop. Do whatever you can to help him. Unfortunately, us guys are not so smart in our teen years and make some pretty immature decisions. That being the case, you should try to do what you can for him.

In addition to that you should be there for him. Obviously there is a reason (whether it be conscious or unknown) that he is behaving in such a manner. Try to find the source of the problem,and if that is something you are unable to do then at least be there for him. Be a kind loving support, while at the same time discouraging his harmful behavior.


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Re: My friend is going to end up dead and he doesn't care. - January 9th 2009, 08:18 PM

I had that attitude for a long time, I didn't care what would happen to me live or die. He really needs an intervention or some kind of wake up call. Seeing how I was hurting my family is what woke me up.

That means you and people he cares about telling him what you really think, no sugar coating. If he's like I was, he's hardheaded. Since you're 18 I'm guessing he's around your age so you can only do so much. Really talk to him (make sure he's fully sober) there has to be a reason he doesn't care about dying unless it's the drugs. Sometimes druggies forget about the "real world" and fall in love with their world full of drugs and alcohol that makes them forget all the bad things in life. Sometimes it feels so good to them, death doesn't seem like much. That's how I felt at least.

What he really needs (other then the wake up call) is compassion. Make sure he knows he's loved and no one wants to see him die. He'll be missed and he'll miss out on so much. He's already hit rock bottom he can only go up from there and there are plenty of places he can get help from.
Best of luck!
   
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Re: My friend is going to end up dead and he doesn't care. - January 9th 2009, 08:23 PM

I have to say, that I'm still pretty much like this, I'm just holding back since I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm pretty arrogant, but everytime one of my friends questions my reasons for not caring about my life I feel guilty. I've got to say, in a strange way, it always helps.
   
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Re: My friend is going to end up dead and he doesn't care. - January 10th 2009, 12:55 AM

Try and be his friend. If you come on too strong with your message to stop him from drinking and doing drugs he'll probably only revert further away from you.

If I were you I would make sure to bring this up when you know for a fact that he is sober, and talk about it then when he has a clear mind.
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Re: My friend is going to end up dead and he doesn't care. - January 10th 2009, 05:37 AM

I know how tempting it must be to just scream at him how stupid he's being, but he won't thank you for it. If he doesn't think he's got a problem then he will not see you as helping, but as getting in his way. Just be there for him, as a friend and support. When he realises what he's doing to himself and wants to stop he will know your there and then you can begin to help him. Unfortunately as I said before, until he WANTS to change, he won't and no amount of screaming and persuading will help. I'm so sorry this isn't the answer you wanted x
   
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Re: My friend is going to end up dead and he doesn't care. - January 10th 2009, 05:53 PM

The problem once someone reaches this point of recklessness it will take a lot for them to change their mind. It's difficult to figure out how to approach them simply because there is so many different ways a person could react.

For some all it takes is knowing someone cares enough to question their behaviour and be concerned for them to snap out of their self-destructive behaviour. Speaking to him outright could cause him to push you away, or it could work out positively and he could want to change. The problem is that it sounds like he knows he has a problem but isn't looking to change. A person has to want to change in order to do so. Otherwise it's like trying to force a brick wall to move while maintaining its shape.

My suggestion is if you still want to approach him yourself you might want to do so with one other person - someone he trusts and values. This allows for you to support each other while working to support and help your friend.

I'm sorry I couldn't be more of a help, it's difficult to be in a situation where you watch someone you care very much for destroy themselves and being practically helpless to stop it. I hope that your intervention will be what he needs. Best wishes <3

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Re: My friend is going to end up dead and he doesn't care. - January 11th 2009, 05:52 AM

Screaming in his face is unlikely to go anywhere positive so scratch that idea.
Figure out why he drinks and does cocaine.
Report him, he may be pissed off at you but that'll keep him off it for a bit and hopefully after the withdrawl, he can think a bit clearer or understand rehab would be good.
   
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Re: My friend is going to end up dead and he doesn't care. - January 11th 2009, 09:10 AM

Hey,

I don't think shouting and hollering is going to get the point across. Your friend sounds pretty miserable, especially if he doesn't seem to care if he lives or dies. I find that sad and unless he finds something that really gives him a turning point. I guess you need to have a think about all of the things your friend did before the alcohol and before the drugs... what made your friend, well him? I think if he gets back into old routines and doing things he likes maybe he will change his outlook on life a little bit. I think giving him information on people who drink and take cocaine... show him figures. Look for AA meetings in your local meetings and rehab... I don't think this is something your friend can do on his own. Just like alot of things alcohol and drugs aren't easy to just ween yourself off... it's an addiction something that needs proper help and attention.
You're a good friend but sometimes it's hard to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
   
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Re: My friend is going to end up dead and he doesn't care. - January 11th 2009, 09:20 AM

As people said, screaming at him so directly might not work. I could, like it would for me, but I'm not him.
Try and make sure he knows how much you and other people would hurt if he died. Tell him sometime that if he died, so many people would hurt. That's the main thing that keeps me alive.
But that doesn't always work. Sometimes when I'm really pissed off at the world as he is, I honestly couldn't care less about other people whether they care about me or not...



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Re: My friend is going to end up dead and he doesn't care. - January 11th 2009, 09:26 AM

On the contrary, I think a wake up call is what he needs. No screaming and shouting wont work, but it may have to be your last resort.
If you're a good friend, he'll understand.
He's 18 and male. Emotional shit is unlikely to affect him. Especially in these circumstances.
I think you need to be straight with him and if that doesn't work, then get more people involved. Family, friends, anyone who's around him. If everyone starts to treat him like he has a problem, eventually he may start to see it. He may hate it, but it's not supposed to be pretty.
Perhaps consult a local rehab center and ask what they're advice is.
Once he realises he needs help you'll need to be ready with resources and how to help him.
Good luck.






   
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Re: My friend is going to end up dead and he doesn't care. - January 11th 2009, 01:11 PM

Honestly...i dont think that yelling at him or tbh confronting him angrily will help. Try talking to him....but explain how its hurting you as he knows the damage its doing to him. But dont go on at him. Other than that, all i can really advice is to be there for him. Hopefully he'll snap around and see he needs help. Then he'll need a good friend. However, take care not to get involved yourself xxx


   
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