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MisguidedYouth Offline
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Exclamation Dope: Not the kind that grows in dirt - June 22nd 2011, 06:43 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.


I know I'm not exactly a teenager anymore, in fact I'm almost 21. However, I used to find this site extremely helpful back when I was 13/14 years old, just after my father passed away because of a doctors careless mistake. Since then, I have gotten a lot better. I don't stress myself as much over the things in my past that I can't control. Though, the fact is, a lot of things that I have occurred in my past still haunt me. After my father passed away, I started acting out, cussing at my brother and sister who were toddlers at the time, and doing whatever form of drug I could get my hands on. Like I said, I have gotten a lot better since then, except when in comes to my drug use. Over the span of my teenage years all the way to the present, drugs have been a part of my everyday life. As of 2 years ago, I started working for a production company that throws raves: consisting of dubstep, house, DnB, drumstep, happy hardcore, and other various forms of EDM music. Anybody who knows anything about the rave scene knows that a big part of it is the drugs. From ecstasy, to pure MDMA, LSD, ketamine, cocaine, sometimes even PCP make it to our events in full force. The only reason law enforcement hasn't stepped up is because, honestly, what are 50 cops going to do against a crowd of up to 5000 people that don't want to go to jail? Nothing. Believe it or not, it isn't the drugs that come from the scene that I represent that are causing me the most grief. After a year of hardcore raving, popping 5 E pills at a time, doing lines of coke just because they were offered to me for throwing such amazing events, I began to notice that my serotonin was being depleted and so many stimulants had put me completely on edge. From that point on, I swore off stimulants altogether. Therein lies the problem. What does a drug addict do, if the drugs readily available to him are not those which he seeks? Move on to the next best thing, of course. I'm what you would call an extremist, in a sense. If I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it big. If I decide I can't go big on one end of the drug spectrum, of course it's going to lead me to the other end. The opposite of doing strong stimulants, unfortunately, is consuming strong sedatives. This, my friends, is where I really messed up bad. I wasn't going to settle for anything that I consider minor, like vicodin or percocet. That's for the meek!... or so I thought. What is the baddest of the bad, the hardest of the hard, the epitome of what all great downer drugs WISH they could be? Heroin. Simply, heroin. A word that sends orgasmic vibes down my spine, even as I type it. A word that makes me want to cry, and run away from the whole world. Dope, as my "friends" call it, is the dirtiest of the dirty. I decided it was something that I wanted to do, and now I'm up at 2:35AM whining to you all since I can't sleep because I'm too busy fiending right now. It's unfortunate, nobody would ever guess that I'm a heroin addict. I don't look like any of the people you see in those "Above the Influence" ads. I'm almost 21, but nobody believes I'm over 17. Not trying to sound conceited, but I'm extremely good looking and have nice hair that girls LOOOVE to play with. I wonder how long that will last? How long before my addiction starts to affect my looks the way it has affected my mind. Why am I typing all this? I couldn't give you a specific reason. I guess it's just because I can't admit to myself or anyone else out loud that I have a serious problem. In 7 hours, I'm going to drive an hour away to get some. Will I be arrested? Maybe. Will I die? It's possible. Who knows. I'll add more to this a little bit later, right now I'm depressing myself a bit more than I had expected. As much as I wish I had someone to talk to about my problem, I wish even more so that none of you can relate. I wouldn't wish this on even my worst enemies. Heroin is a drug that feels so good only bad things can come from it. I was addicted after my first little line, thinking the whole saying that "you're addicted after your first hit" was just a crock of BS. Well, you got me there Mr. PropogandaMachine Lesson learned.
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Gidig Offline
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Re: Dope: Not the kind that grows in dirt - June 24th 2011, 04:38 AM


This is all a lot to take in for you. Especially since you seem to have a clear view on it, but like I always tell my therapist, I logically know it's wrong and/or silly, but in my heart I don't believe it.

Do you want to stop? What kind of advice/help would you like with this? I'm willing to talk if you just want someone to talk to. I can give the best advice I can as well. I may not completely understand, but I can relate for sure. I also know a lot about this kind of thing, cuz it's kind of my life passion. And I know a lot about the drug scene.

I don't know how you're doing it, but be as safe as you can with it. You don't need added dangers from being careless, you know?

I'm not sure what all to tell you, but I'm here to talk if you need it. <3

The best wayout is always through~
-Robert Frost

Proud member of the LGBT community.

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messed_up Offline
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Re: Dope: Not the kind that grows in dirt - June 25th 2011, 07:29 PM

My friend thinks I'm headed down that path because I just keep doing stronger and stronger stuff and I really don't care. I keep telling them I won't because I saw one of my friends OD on heroin and he died. If there is one thing that (im pretty sure) i wont do, it would be heroin. Just because I have seen people get really addicted and really hurt themselves. Please just try to stop. I'm not going to tell you to stop doing drugs all together because that might be asking too much, just try to stop with the heroin. And I know it's easier said than done, but it's worth it. You will start to feel so much better (After it feels so bad for a couple weeks). After my friend ODed my other friend decided to quit. He was a mess for 3 months. But now he has been clean for over a year and he feels so much better about himself. You can always take to me if you want. I hope you figure things out and you do whats best for yourself.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
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ambygasm Offline
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Re: Dope: Not the kind that grows in dirt - July 9th 2011, 02:38 AM

*I hope this complies with the rules, I apologize if it doesn't, I'm not condoning anything, I'm just stating some information and trying to help people who might find it valuable for recovery.*

(Also, sorry about this being so long and jumbled, I'm not thinking straight enough to sort it out and make it more streamlined and coherent. But I hope someone will get something out of it. )

I also go to raves, and that's where I did my first (illegal) drug - ecstasy.
For 2 or so years, I was doing it a couple times a month, sometimes more, sometimes less. I've also popped a countless number of other pills, a majority being legally prescribed pharmaceuticals.
I am very lucky to say I have not been addicted to any of them so far, no matter how much I enjoy the experience. The closest I've come to addiction is taking sedatives to be able to sleep for 4 years, but when I realized that's not the way to solve insomnia, I stopped them cold turkey, and have not been dependent on them for almost a year. I used to smoke cigarettes as well for 2 years, then quit cold turkey after they triggered some problems. No craving. I've been clean of all substances for 8 months now.

What I'm trying to say is, a lot of it comes down to your nature. If you have an addictive personality, boy are you in danger. I know people that will get addicted or obsessed with nearly anything that they find pleasurable. It's kind of vague saying this, but you need to find a way to discipline yourself to be able to deny yourself something that might feel good but is on the other hand destroying you. In other words to let your mind and your willpower overcome your emotional/physical/psychological desire for the substance. Easier said than done. A psychologist might be able to help you with this. And don't be closed off to hypnosis. I never believed it would do a thing for me, but I have seen it work on myself and others I know. The human mind is a powerful thing, and we always end up underestimating it.

That said, a huge mistake I see people making ALL the time at raves is munching down 5 to 7 to TEN pills a night. That is ridiculous and excessive. I think if I ever took that many I wouldn't wake up. You mentioned your serotonin depleting. Have you looked into 5HTP? It can restore the serotonin you lose from doing pretty much any drug or being stressed out, smoking, etc. It can improve your mood tenfold. I ALWAYS recommend it to people doing ecstasy because since it increases your serotonin, it decreases your tolerance for ecstasy and you never really have to up your dosage, and therefore don't go on to excessive use, more severe addiction, and harder drugs. From all the times I've done ecstasy, I've never gone over ONE pill! Usually I was completely out of my mind with just a half.

Instead of doing stronger and stronger stuff, RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH!!! There are ways to lower your tolerance, and to minimize the impact of the damage the drugs do to your body!!! Of course it's best to stop using altogether, and taking these measures will increase your chances of being successful in that too!

Speaking of sobering up, as I have found out, drug use doesn't just happen because you saw someone in a movie doing it or something like that. There's a reason for it. Some people are depressed, some are bored with their life, some want an escape, some want a way to be more outgoing around friends, cooler, hotter, funnier, BETTER, more relaxed, etc. So instead of focusing on the DRUGS, focus on the ROOT CAUSE of your drug use. It will take some time and thinking to get to the bottom of it and to find solutions, but I guarantee you, nothing will work as well as this.

Take care.
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