Triggering (Substances): Just need help.

[messed_up]

My life has been beyond complicated in the past three months. It started with my best friend telling the school psychologist that I was addicted to drugs. The school psychologist was about to tell my parents. So i told them both i stopped. I actually only stopped for like a month. Then school was out. My sister got really sick and i pretty much spent every day taking care of her. she was depressed because she was 9 months pregnant and the baby passed away and she was on these medications for her disease that made her crazy. She was having these scary anxiety attacks every 5 minutes. she was talking about killing herself. she said she was hearing voices. It was not fun. She was constantly crying and she though she was going to die. one day she went to her doctor and they told her that in a couple weeks she was going to need surgery because the meds( the ones making her crazy) where not working. A couple days later she had a fever so she was rushed to the ER and had the surgery that night. She is now starting to get better but its only the first of 3 surgeries and she is still sick. I spend litterall every second taking care of her and her 2 yr old son. I started useing again after the baby passed away like 3 months ago. I am just too stressed .I didnt have time t do anything before school stared and now that im back in school i have all this work and college applications and i still need to take care of my sister and nephew. The worst is my best freidn knows i had a crapy summer and he asked me if i was useing and i lied and said no. and he said like i knw u dont deal with stress well. im scared hes gona get hte school psychologist invovled again which would suck because he is also my teacher now and i dont want him telling m parents, they need to worry about my sister. I also need to ask the school if I can come late because Im going to need to drop of my nephew at school in the morning and I dont know how to do that bc i the school psychologist find out hes gona ask me why and I dont want him to think the same thing my best friend is. All this stress is making my life impossible. I sleep and hour and a half a night at the most. I need to get high. I cant function without it. If I wherent getting high i would have had a mental breakdown or killed mself by now. I know its bad for me but I just don't know what to do. I know things would be easier if I just had ANYONE to talk to. im cared to talk to my best freind bc if i tell him im useing again he will tell the school psychologist. Im drowning from my own life and I just need to find someone to talk to about it and i also just need to get high. But there is no one I can talk to that can understand that.

[Tonight]

I really do stress to find another way to deal with everything besides getting high.When you use drugs to deal with emotional problems it can quickly get out of hand,when things were bad for me I was smoking up over 10 times a day and it screwed up my lungs and it was so hard for me to actually deal with being sober when I ran out or had to do something.

Also if you're looking after and are responsible for your nephew you really shouldn't be high around him.

You mentioned you needed someone to talk to,if you want to you can message me.I might not reply right away but I will as soon as I can